Azerbaijani Ho Jacks Beyoncé's Swagga

Don't get me wrong. I'm down with Safura. Girlfriend owned Eurovision 2010 and her stunning debut "Drip Drop" was a deserved #181 UK smash hit. Hell, I even spent 20 Euros importing her (rather fabulous) album from Germany. But no one - and I repeat, no one - FUCKS with Queen B! I can't believe the pride of Azerbaijan had the audacity to go all Sasha Fierce in her new video. Who does she think she is? Ninel Conde? Honestly, "March On" re-defines the term hot mess. Safura proves without a doubt that she's currently the worst dancer in pop music (Robyn just breathed a sigh of relief) and the Beyoncé thievery that begins at the 1:20 minute mark is car crash viewing at its best. Or worst - depending on your tolerance for comedy. I love how she's not only ripped off the choreography from "Diva" but also managed to hunt down Bey's costume on eBay. Well played, Safura! All sarcasm aside, "March On" is actually a good song and deserves to scrape into the top 100 on some random chart. Bring on her much hyped (by Azerbaijani gays) collaboration with Colby O'Donis!


Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Eurovision
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An Open Letter To Soraya

Dear Soraya,

You don't know me but I'm your biggest (and possibly only) Australian fan. Your latest album is a veritable pop masterpiece and I still listen to your fabulous 80s covers all the time. I'm completely smitten by your grace, glamour and talent. To paraphrase Shakira, for you I'd move to a communist country (well, maybe Spain) and learn about football (although something like scrapbooking would be more up my alley).

My love for you runs deep. Last year I followed your stunning acoustic tour of radio stations around Spain, staying in glamorous metropoles like Lerida and Albacete along the way. Unfortunately, every show was sold out - which could have had something to do with the tickets being given away free. Not that it matters. I was satisfied to simply be in the same city as Spain's greatest living vocalist.

Needless to say, your selection for Eurovision brought me a lot of joy. Finally you had a chance to shine on the world stage and possibly launch an international career. If vile trolls like Agnes Carlsson and Annie can have "hits" outside their homeland, why not a stunning beauty like yourself? "La Noche Es Para Mi" is probably the weakest track on your amazing album but it's still light years ahead of the usual Eurovision fare and should have won in a landslide.

I watched what I assumed would be your triumphant performance with great pride. My delicate Spanish rose had blossomed into an international pop sensation right before my very eyes. You took to the stage with the grace of an angel, wearing a gorgeous outfit that highlighted your stunning curves. And then your magical voice wafted around the stadium like a fart squeezed from the arsehole of Jesus. It was blissful. Admittedly, your dancers appeared to be recent graduates from the Community College of Móstoles but, as a true saint, you're always looking to help the needy. Your moment of Eurovision glory seemed a mere formality. I even had a bottle of champagne (well, $5 sparkling wine) on ice to celebrate your victory! But then the votes rolled in and you came second last.

Soraya, my darling, please don't feel like a complete and utter failure even if you are one. Eurovision is an unflushed toilet, so it only makes sense that the biggest pile of crap (ie. Norway's entry) should float to the top of the bowl. In retrospect, you were too sexy for Eurovision. Men from Iceland to Azerbaijan were busy doing something else with their right hand during your performance, which explains their inability to pick up the phone and vote. Take heart in the fact that many an international superstar has tasted defeat on the Eurovision stage. Olivia Newton-John only claimed the 4th spot, Anna Vissi came 9th and Nicki French finished in 16th place. Almost as bad as you. And look at all the amazing success she's had since!

Now that the competition is little more than a bad memory, hurry up and release "Para Ti" or "No Siento"!

Love & Kisses,

Mike

XXXX


Soraya - Robbed At Eurovision!
Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Eurovision
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Baccara's Back!

Fuck Donna Summer and her hideous "Crayons", the real treat of 2008 for disco fans is the highly anticipated comeback of Spain's Baccara! Even if you're not familiar with the name, you'll know their 1977 #1 smash hit "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie", which has been covered (badly) by everyone from Sophie Ellis-Bextor to Goldfrapp. Try as they might, those cheap whores never had a chance in hell of matching the fabulous allure of Mayte and Maria, who continued to enthrall fans around the globe with their exquisite disco anthems until parting ways in 1981.

Failed solo careers lead both ladies to reform the group, albeit with new partners - resulting in two official Baccaras! Maria's Baccara (often referred to as "New Baccara") initially experienced considerably more success, scoring hits with the stunning "Call Me Up" and glorious "Fantasy Boy". However, Mayte's Baccara made an unexpected return to prominence in 2004 when they were robbed of Melodifestivalen glory with their breathtaking "Soy Tu Venus". Make sure you check out the clip of their performance. The moment when the old birds rip off their skirts is Euro camp at its best! It is this incarnation of the group that is about to embark on a comeback in Germany.

I haven't heard Baccara's new album yet but I already know I'll enjoy at least half of it. The glamorously titled "Satin...In Black And White" contains six of their classic tunes, including not one but three versions of "Yes Sir, I Can Boogie"! Personally, I'm dying to hear the reworked versions of "Darling" and "Sorry, I'm A Lady" as well as the new material. Excitingly, the album reunites Mayte with Rolf Soja - their original producer and the mastermind behind "Yes Sir". With Rolf's return and song titles like "Girls Are One Half Of Heaven" and "The Mathematix Of Love", I have a feeling this could be the Euro-trash album of the year! Here's the tracklisting:

1. Nights In Black Satin
2. Sorry, I'm A Lady (New Version)
3. Cara Mia (New Version)
4. Girls Are One Half Of Heaven
5. Yes Sir I Can Boogie (Latin Version 2008)
6. Yes Sir I Can Swing
7. Simply Forget
8. The Devil Sent You To Lorado (New Version)
9. The Mathematix Of Love
10. Sleepy-Time-Toy (New Version)
11. Darling (New Version)
12. (I Don't Want) To Lose Lautrec
13. German Medley (Yes Sir I Can Boogie / Ich bin eine Lady / Dich schickt der Teufel nach Lorado)

While you're in a Baccara kind of mood, check out this stunning rendition of "Sorry, I'm A Lady" from 1977 (below). Mayte is the bombshell in the black dress. Words can't adequately describe how much I love this riveting performance. Their lovely accents, stunning dance moves and fabulous outfits - utter perfection! I really was born in the wrong era. Today's music just sounds so lifeless and shit in comparison. You can pre-order "Satin...In Black And White" from German Amazon. It's released officially on the 27th of June. Be warned, it's priced at a whopping 29 Euros!


Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Eurovision
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Kerli - Walking On Air

It's a long journey from failed Eurovision contestant to the cusp of American stardom but that's the impressive path Estonia's Kerli Kõiv has navigated over the past four years. Despite bombing out in Sweden's 2003 Melodienfestivalen and missing Eurovision selection for her homeland in 2004, Kerli's distinctive style and unusual voice obviously caught the attention of the right people because she was snapped up by America's Island Def Jam records (the home of Mariah & Rihanna - no less) in 2006. Suck on that, Charlotte Perrelli! I have to admit, I didn't know what to expect when I first received a press release about Kerli. The pretentious 'gothic Barbie doll' styling made me slightly nauseous and the proud comparisons with Bjork instilled me with the fear of God. However, Kerli turned out to be a very pleasant surprise indeed.

"Walking On Air" is one of my favourite singles of 2008 but the first time I heard the song, I almost turned it off half way through. The gloomy first verse is not exactly a toe tapper but then something wonderful happens. Strings herald the magnificent chorus and all of a sudden "Walking On Air" turns into a beautifully twisted poptastic delight. It's a difficult song to describe but imagine a catchy yet depressive cross between Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like A Bird" (the structure is quite similar) and Bjork's only decent song, "All Is Full Of Love". The result is edgy and different, while still retaining a strong pop sensibility. The Def Jam execs obviously realise they have something special on their hands because a small fortune was spent on the terrifying video clip. No, I'm not referring to Kerli's disturbing prima ballerina prostitute get-up but the evil doll. That porcelain bitch is going to haunt my dreams for weeks! "Walking On Air" is available to download now from US iTunes. Fingers crossed that Kerli brings her hot freak show to Australia in the near future!

Check out the magnificent video clip!


Chucky has nothing on this bitch!
Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Eurovision
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