Pop Panel 3 - Week 7

Pop Panel is back for another week after a brief hiatus and it's one of the strangest installments yet. I don't think I've ever seen so many songs get full marks or zeros. This is the ultimate love it or hate it week! The winner is also a major surprise. I'm happy it won but I think the second and third place getters are considerably better. I was tempted to re-vote to rig the outcome but I'm not quite that desperate. We also have a fabulous celebrity guest helping out this week but more about her later. Here are the bitches responsible for this week's outcome:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
Robpop (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

We were also assisted by the following guest judges:

David Lim (Aus) writer of the fabulous Feed Limmy and a budding pop star in his own right. Check out this fabulous demo. I want more!

and

Australian rock chick turned electro-pop sensation Sarah McLeod. Everyone over the age of 25 will remember Sarah as the sexy frontwoman of iconic rock band The Superjesus. Since then she's turned her hand to dance music with major success. "He Doesn't Love You" was absolutely massive in the clubs, my favourite "White Horse" charted internationally and her amazing 2010 comeback song "Double R" is currently being given major support by Tiesto on his world tour. When she's not setting dancefloors on fire, Sarah is helping keep homeless kids off the street. All the proceeds of her latest single - a stunning cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing In The Dark" - are going to a homeless charity, so pull your finger out and download it from iTunes. Check out the song and video below:


As usual the songs are rated for lowest to highest.

Millionaires - Party Like A Millionaire (Video)

American girlband/online sensation sing about... their pussies.

David: My middle finger's totally up in the air. Slags, I think we just stumbled on a new choon to strut our asses to. My pussay's totally doing the krump like you won't believe. 3/5
D'Luv: I liked "Stay The Night", but this is WAY too desperate. These whores need to shut the fuck up and get back to the nightshift at McDonald's. 0/5
Mike: Gross. Ke$ha has her moments but the new Queen of pop's tongue is always firmly in cheek while "Party Like A Millionaire" sounds like a 'how to' manual written by Paris Hilton. If she came from Bankstown. 0/5
Robpop: So this is what happened to Daphne & Celeste. Utterly shit. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: Man I thought Ke$ha was bad, this hitz a new low, great role models those ladies... Mike, you're diluting my precious antique ears. 0/5
The Prophet: Millionaires are so defining and I can't believe I missed that they had a new single out! It's not quite as excellent as their Madonna rip off "Stay the Night" but the disgusting video makes up for it! 5/5
Total: 8/30

Kat DeLuna - Party O'Clock (Video)

RedOne produced Kat's latest stunning Belgium only release.

David: I've grown old waiting for this video to drop but now that I've seen Kat's bebeh face pouting and gyrating, I don't think I want this no more. Why is she still looking like a child with grown chichis? What's with the Belgium-only release? The world needs to get in on this. 4/5
D'Luv: I remember reading an interview with RedOne last year where he said he's only producing material for people who sell records going forward. He must have either been high on K or he's tapping Kat Deluna's already cluttered ass. Not an awful song, but too bad someone with a bit more class like Smokahontas Jones isn't singing it. 2.5/5
Mike: I'm a loud and proud Kat DeLuna stan. "Push Push" is easily one of the best songs of 2010 - but this is ten kinds of tragic from the lame lyrics to embarrassing video. Talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous. 2/5
Robpop: Torrents of epic lameness. This kind of music is starting to sound so similar now. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: I hate this song and now its stuck in my head, it’s fuckin' awful. Thanx Mike. 1/5
The Prophet: Kat is the Queen of europop and I've been whoring "Party O'Clock" since the demo first leaked. Kat DeLuna is like crack to me - I just can't get enough! 5/5
Total: 14.5/30

Johnny McGovern & Calpernia - Likin' Big Dicks (Video)

A cover of "Like A G6".

David: I cannot wait to pump this as I cruise through the straight club districts. You know them closet hungry bottoms can't help but respond to this. 5/5
D'Luv: These two are still alive? 0/5
Mike: This song is so redundant. It goes without saying that we all like monster cocks but they're not exactly in short supply. It's much harder to find something worthwhile attached to the end of the penis. 2/5
Robpop: This needs a big douche as too full of shit to function. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: It's like Right Said Fred for the new millinium, love it! 5/5
The Prophet: Finally somebody is making music I can relate to. I'm so proud to be a size queen... *sheds tear*. 5/5
Total: 17/30


Natalia Kills - Mirrors (Above)

Natalia has been dubbed the new Lady Gaga. Produced by Akon.

David: I can't wait for this vixen to step out of that "Gaga wannabe" tag so I can get a proper assessment of her style. Dark, menacing and promising - Imma keep this tab open and check back for the next video. 4/5
D'Luv: Wake me up when Lolene Ferreira Kills happens. 2/5
Mike: Natalia is fierce. I love her attitude and mini-movies but she's asking for trouble by releasing "Mirrors" as her debut. It's very similar to "Just Dance" - only without the amazing lyrics about being too drug fucked to find your keys and phone. I'm excited about her album. 3.5/5
Robpop: Synthetic shit that thinks its amazingly hip but so devoid of soul that it emerges as a massive blackhole of creativity. These songs all sound exactly the same now. Stop trying to sound like knock-off Rihanna/GaGa's and get your own sound girls. 0/5
Sarah McLeod: Lady GaGa’s running real low on inspiration these dayz... Oh wait, it's not Lady GaGa... ERROR. I hate seeing the wave of imposters in the wake of someone else’s success. It blows. Having said that if there was no Lady GaGa it wouldn’t be too bad. 3/5
The Prophet: Shits on Tranny GaGa's "Just Flop", but it probably won't become a hit because Natalia has too much class to suck Jimmy Iovine and Akon's cocks like GaGa did to get in the charts! 5/5
Total: 17.5/30

September - Resuscitate Me (Video)

Swedish pop diva returns with new single.

David: Aww. Who's upset our Swedish dance goddess? Because I'm not recognising this raccoon leaking all over the track. True talk: I love me some dance ballads but this sounds painfully dated. It's probably not her schtick but September could use with some avant garde remixers to light up this track. 2/5
D'Luv: This is alright. September has done better. But, hey — maybe with that haircut people will mistake her for Robyn and actually buy this song? 2/5
Mike: LOL at D'Luv insinuating that Robyn actually has hits. But I digress. I worship Petra and "Resuscitate Me" is the cutest thing she's put her name to since "Because I Love You". Everything about this light and fluffy Euro-pop gem pushes my buttons from the unashamedly romantic lyrics to the insidiously catchy chorus. Now how do I get me some of that love CPR? 5/5
Robpop: What do you have if you put Robyn and Booty Luv: you get this rebranded and new look September. And I fucking love it. Really needs a key change and then it would soar into the pop stratosphere. 5/5
Sarah McLeod: “I NEED LOVE CPR”??????????? Is she serious, that’s AWESOME! Ha ha ha ha! 1/5
The Prophet: September just snatch Cuntcada's wig! 5/5
Total: 20/30

Hurts - All I Want For Christmas Is New Year's Day (Video)

Uk electro band unveil the year's most depressing holiday anthem.

David: And the room falls silent. Yo, Mike, what's with the hard-on killer? In light of Mimi's depressingly saccharine Christmas album, this might just be my much-sought after antidote. 3/5
D'Luv: Wow — we actually get one scrap of class this week? Thanks! I like Hurts, though their dour schtick is wearing pretty thin at this point. Still, this perfectly sums up how effing depressing the holidays truly tend be if you're over the age of 10. 5/5
Mike: Finally a song that captures the pure misery of Christmas. Until now I had dismissed Hurts as a Pet Shop Boys tribute act but this might just convert me. 5/5
Robpop: And breathe. Finally an act and song that dares to include a melody, real vocals and interesting narrative. I love this. 4.5/5
Sarah McLeod: Wow I LOVED this band when I heard "Better Than Love" but this song is L.A.M.E, most christmas songs are though... unless they’re carols, in which case they’re RAD! 3/5
The Prophet: The only Christmas songs worth playing are Vanessa Hudgen's "Winter Wonderland" and Fiona Apple's Frosty the Snowman. All else = fail. The only thing that hurts about this Xmas tune are my fucking ears. 0/5
Total: 20.5/30


SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Kara - Jumping (Video)

Forget 2NE1 and Girls Generation, South Korea's defining girlband is here.

David: This is totally satiating my Asian persuasion but I don't know, gurls. Them stakes are raised pretty high for K-pop girl bands right now and that choreography's definitely setting them back a bit. Why wasn't I called in to coach them on the booty bounce? 3/5
D'Luv: My favorite member of Kara is the one with the huge cock. 3/5
Mike: Oh look, it's the pretty and talented version of 2NE1! Utterly stunning! 5/5
Robpop: Nice but we've heard this all before. 0.5/5
Sarah McLeod: ASIAN JAILBAIT... I felt perverted watching this clip. 5/5
The Prophet: Mike is a cunt for ignoring my stunning K-Pop suggestions of 2NE1 and Orange Caramel in favor or KARAccident, but I'm stanning for K-Pop lately so they get full marks, even if the song itself is beneath the ones I suggested! 5/5
Total: 21.5/30


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Pop Panel 3 - Week 6

Pop Panel never ceases to amaze me. One week Kim Zolciak scoops the pool with a perfect score and the next a pair of critically acclaimed indie-pop darlings take the prize. At least it's never boring! I have to admit I'm kind of torn by the result. I would have loved our runner up to win. It's the second time she's almost snatched victory and I think she deserves it for having 3 great singles out this year. But then our victor is amazing and I've been playing that song on repeat for weeks. Actually, unlike the other judges, I really like most of the songs this week. Some for their so bad it's good appeal and others because they're just pretty - if not strikingly original. Oh well, you be the judge. Is this single of the week up to scratch or should the following judges get a life and get off the internet?

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

We were also assisted by the following bloggers:

Gordon (UK) writer of the amazing Diva Incarnate. If high camp pop is your thing, then his blog is THE place to be!

and

Enric (Spain) writer of Blog petit, pero valent. He's one of my hot Spanish bitches, so you know he's defining.

and last but definitely not least we have a stunning celebrity judge!

Erika Jayne is one of the hottest dance divas on the block right now. Her first 4 singles shot to #1 on the US club chart and her new hit "One Hot Pleasure" looks set to follow suit. Erika's catchy jam perfectly straddles the pop and dance worlds. It's slick, catchy and sexy. It was also written by club King Dave Aude and my homegirl Luciana - so you know it's quality. And don't even get me started on the video (below). It contains so much fabulousness that prolonged exposure is sure to turn you gay. Despite the fact that Erika is pure sex and really turns it out. Give it a look! The song is on iTunes now. Buy it. I really hope this is her crossover hit. An Australian record label would be crazy not to jump on it. I'm so excited to have her on board!


As usual the songs are rated from lowest to highest. Here goes!

Natasha Bedingfield – Strip Me (Video)

Daniel's horse faced sister is back.

D'Luv: If Natasha spent less time working with trendy writers and producers and more time actually writing decent material like her first album, I might not have to sit here every time I hear one of her goddamn boring-ass songs and wonder why I never got to fuck her brother when he was thin and still relevant. So screw her. 1.5/5
Diva Incarnate: You've really lowered the bar with this one: the good thing about this song is that if you like it you can just buy Beyonce's "Halo" off itunes instead. -5/5
Enric: I must say that I hate her with all my heart, I hate her annoying voice, her tampon-ad songs, and her appearance on Nicki Minaj’s album. But, for the first time ever, I love her rip off of Jordin Sparks’ Battlefield. Is Ryan Tedder (producer of the track) trying to make another Halo-Already Gone thing? 5/5
Erika Jayne: Saw the video. Love the new fashion risks she’s taking. Can’t wait for the remixes! 2/5
Mike: Thanks for that charming story, Proph. I'll never be able to listen to "Unwritten" again without wanting to call the authorities. As for Natasha - she still looks like a distant relative of Phar Lap but "Halo" is my probably my favourite song of all time, so anything that rips it off this closely is ok by me. 4/5
The Prophet: I can't believe I used to love Natasha Bedingfield when I was younger. When I was an underage teenager and first moved to Sydney I made this creepy old guy who was obsessed with me buy me one of her singles. He didn't even buy me her album. He was such a freak actually, once I went to his house to play my Gamecube because I didn't have a TV yet, and he had this young teenage boy staying with him who looked like some street trash who had been kicked out of home and was sleeping with this old pervert to keep a roof over his head. I just ignored it and continued playing Resident Evil, then went home. 0/5
Total: 7.5/30

Edita – I’ve Come To Life (Video)

Winner of German X Factor’s debut single.

D'Luv: Musically, this song sounds like a knockoff of Hurts' "Wonderful Life." Vocally, it sounds like Leona Lewis getting pile-drived beneath the Brandenberg Gate, with thighs jutting out to each side like twin beacons of freedom. 1/5
Diva Incarnate: Since she's German I give this a nine! And in English I give it a 2.
Enric: A beautiful song, but it sounds so Ryan Tedder that it gets boring after the first chorus. I love seeing Sarah Connor, she perfectly fits in this blog. 3/5
Erika Jayne: Go Germany! 1/5
Mike: Back off, bitches! Edita might look like a shopgirl from Magdeburg playing dress up in an outfit Diana Ross discarded circa 1985 but she can sing and the song is lovely. I can't wait for my copy to arrive from Germany!5/5
The Prophet: Not only did Mike purposely ignored ALL my pop panel suggestions this week, but rather than use one of my epic submissions he stuck this German BITCH up instead to SPITE me because he knows I hate Germans, Germany and Mike's German heritage. This bitch is floppier than my 8 inch dildo Alejandro. ZERO! 0/5
Total: 12/30

Mariah & Patricia Carey – O Come All Ye Faithful (Video)

Mimi teams up with her mum on this Christmas carol!

D'Luv: I guess now we know where Mimi got her pipes from. And her penchant for fucking for tracks. This is so Mariah-style over the top it's getting a perfect score. 5/5
Diva Incarnate: Mariah still shrieks those tender high notes like someone's fish-hooked her vagina. Hard to tell if she is leaving a voicemail to Kanye or actually singing come-ye. Does she sing this to her 12 year old husband when he has nightmares? 2/5
Enric: Mariah (who is actually 46 months pregnant, judging by her full size) and her Opera singer-wannabe mum Patricia turn Christmas into a nightmare full of fear, screams, high notes and broken glasses. Pay special attention to the 2:03 mark and try to survive it. 2/5
Erika Jayne: Xmas is one of my favorite holidays. Mariah is the ultimate Xmas carol diva. 3/5
Mike: I feel like I've just spent 3 and a half minutes in Mimi's high kitsch rainbow coloured world where all pets wear Santa costumes and 9 inch heels are normal footwear for heavily pregnant women. It's as warm and personal as it is ridiculous and cringe-worthy. Which perfectly sums up Christmas, doesn't it? 5/5
The Prophet: I love Mariah and "I Still Believe" is one of my all time favorite songs, but nobody gives a fuck about this Christmas album or seeing her sing a duet with Mother Mimi. For this Holiday season I'm on team Auntie Susie (The Gift!) and Jessica Simpson's stunning Mariah knock-off "My Only Wish" from her festive opus "Happy Christmas" which peaked at a dizzying #123 on the Billboard Charts. 0/5
Total: 17/30

Kylie & Taio Cruz – Higher (Video)

Kylie's latest adventure is a duet with UK pop sensation Taio Cruz.

D'Luv: I hate to say it, but Kylie seems a little desperate doing this. It sounds like some anonymous dance track any studio singer from Germany could have lent vocals to, and if the 'Aphrodite' campaign needs this type of stunt to remind people that Kylie's got an album out, best just to move on. 2/5
Diva Incarnate: The most natural Kylie has looked since chilbirth. The only thing getting higher is her right eyebrow. Taio probably thought she was Lulu anyway. 3/5
Enric: Maybe I dreamed it, but I think this was meant to be on Aphrodite. Let’s hope it’s on the re-release (by the way, I wish it’s called Hermaphrodite) because it’s awesome. This is my favourite Kylie era ever. 5/5
Erika Jayne: I’ve always been a fan of Kylie – how could you not?! 3/5
Mike: I love it. Taio is on fire and this is as close to current Dannii's withered up sister has come to sounding... since "Get Outta My Way"! A shame then that Kylie is still wasting her time promoting the mega flop "Better Than Today" and a Christmas EP that no one wants when she could have a hit on her hands with this gem. 5/5
The Prophet: This gets three points for Kylie, but minus two points for Taio, leaving us with ONE. 1/5
Total: 19/30


Dyan Tai – Why Sydney? (Above)

Introducing the winner of Sydneyvision 2010 - a suburb vs suburb Australian take on Eurovision!

D'Luv: Thank God — new masturbation material. 4/5
Diva Incarnate: Sounds like a forgotten wigfield remix with that bassline. Since I love Asian lesbians I give it a 5.
Enric: I love the instrumental, sounds simple but dancey. But his voice and his extra-feminine acting, added to the cheap video and the worst clothes selection ever, makes me feel confused. I want to like it, but I can’t. 1/5
Erika Jayne: I saw his video, and love his artistic-ness with his make-up. 2/5
Mike: Fuck off, Altiyan. Australia's next music god is already here! 5/5
The Prophet: Defining! Australia's answer to Far East Movement has arrived! Dyan looks like one of those asian Twinks you see tweaking on level 1 at the Midnight Shift. 4.5/5
Total: 21.5/30

Wynter Gordon – Dirty Talk (Video)

US dance diva has an Australian hit on her hands with this sleazy tune.

D'Luv: I feel like this song has been out for at least a year, right? And didn't it have a completely different video at one point? This one's much better. Wynter's a trooper, and so I'll give her 3.5/5.
Diva Incarnate: Lukewarm trance. Not so much lyrics as reading aloud Dannii's dressing room demands. 3/5
Enric: Keri Hilson’s cheap version is still trying to top any chart. I adore one of her first songs, "Surveillance", and maybe you loved it too in 2007. "Dirty Talk" is not better, but is one of 2010 most finest tracks. 5/5
Erika Jayne: I really like this song – I can relate to the sexy lyrics. I love a dirty conversation. 4/5
Mike: My love for this gorgeous creature knows no bounds. I hope this is huge for her. She deserves it, Wyn has been on the grind since 04! 5/5
The Prophet: I've been a Wynter fan since the "Surveillance" days, but now all of a sudden that she's this new club Queen every fickle flop out there is on her clit. Wynter is MY thing and I was playing this song since the second it leaked so stay mad. 4/5
Total: 24.5/30


SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Crystal Castles – Not In Love (Video)

Features vocals of The Cure's Robert Smith.

D'Luv: I lived for The Cure when I was 13 and 14. Nice to hear that Robert Smith still has teenage boy voice all these years later, now that I'm 19. Alright, joking aside, I'm 22 and this song is a winner. 5/5
Diva Incarnate: When the pop is stark and hooky I usually cream my pants but candidly shit emo vocals rub me with more irritation than Michelle McManus's thighs. The fizzy synthesizers save it. 3/5
Enric: I know them because they messed up their performance last year in Barcelona, throwing vodka and drums to the audience. I love the ravey chorus and it’s always great to hear Robert Smith’s vocals. 4/5
Erika Jayne: I grew up listening to The Cure. I love Robert Smith! His voice is one of a kind. 4/5
Mike: A great cover a forgotten 80s gem. Sad, beautiful and haunting. 5/5
The Prophet: Finally some good music graces the FLOP panel. 5/5
Total: 26/30


Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Pop%20Panel
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Pop Panel 3 - Week 5

Before I get on with this historic installment of Pop Panel, I need to get some housekeeping out of the way. From now on I'll try to post this bitchfest every Monday instead of Sunday. It seems to be easier for everyone involved. For more updates on Pop Panel - make sure you follow me on Twitter. Now for the good stuff. You might be wondering why I've chosen La Toya for this week's banner. Well, the impossible has happened. Toy Toy's perfect Pop Panel score has been equalled! To be honest, I didn't think that stunning achievement would ever be repeated - at least not until the Pope of Pop releases her next single - but one legendary diva has swept all before her and landed full marks from all 6 judges. We now have a new leader and you better bow down to this fabulous bitch! The follow bloggers helped crown the new Queen of Pop:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

We were also assisted by the following guest judges:

Adem (AUS) writer of the iconic Adem With An E. It's great to have him back on the Pop Panel. Bitch just needs to start updating his blog again!

and

Joe (US) writer of the amazing Milk Carton Pop Stars and the foremost authority on Mexican pop divas. Neither space nor time can break our trash loving bond!

Ok, let's get cracking. As usual the songs are ranked from lowest to highest.


Timo – Like It Rough (above)

Belgian pop star jumps on gay vampire bandwagon!

Adem: Did you see the incredible YouTube comments? Poor Timo has been told by a YouTube user he apparently needs this song to be a hit so that he can get a nose job because he - otherwise - cannot afford it. Watching the clip; I really hope he doesn't touch his nose because I spent the whole thing thinking about how much I'd love to sit on it. The song itself? I wasn't paying attention, but for Timo's nose and his hot mack-on scene with Brent Corrigan at the end, I think high scores are well and truly due. 5/5
D'Luv: There's a small, almost undetectable sample from Human League's "Love Action" running throughout "Like It Rough" — which is basically the only interesting thing about the song.
Joe: I like bad pop music, but this was just bad. The horrid acting, the guy's wonky eyes. Though if I was drunk at a bar I would probably dance to it. 1/5
J-Step: My first instinct was to hate this, but it by the time it ended I wanted a physical! A nice, catchy little track, seemingly written about my bedroom preferences. 3.5/5
Mike: I probably would have been down with this tacky piece of Eurotrash if it were sung by someone even remotely attractive. 2/5
The Prophet: No. 0/5
Total: 13/30

Paramore – Playing God (Video)

Latest single from indie-pop favourites.

Adem: It's like listening to the other songs from the first Katy Perry album. Which makes this almost entirely shit. 0/5
D'Luv: I like the video better than the song, and the song better than Hayley's vocals. But at least her entire band is totally fuckable. 2/5
Joe: This is that airplanes chick right? It's alright I guess. Not amazing. 2/5
J-Step: A decent little pop/rock track, but nowhere near as catchy or memorable as most of their stuff. And Hayley, pink and red does NOT look good together, it's time for a colour change, doll! And seeing as you're at Just Cuts, you may as well get better conditioner, 'coz you just ain't rocking the whole Ronald McDonald thing! 3/5
Mike: This is the kind of faux rock shit that could have been playing when Willow first fingered Tara in a toilet cubicle at The Bronze. And for that it gets two bonus points! 2/5
The Prophet: My fave! 5/5
Total: 14/30

Savvy – Dance With Me Now (Video)

Yet another Disney act goes electro.

Adem: New Disney acts always excite me; purely because I can hardly wait for the cocaine addiction to begin. This clip is like watching a well-produced/autotuned version of High School Musical set in the 'Peach Pit; After-dark' from 90210. Forgettable trash, but pleasant enough. 2/5
D'Luv: Well, I guess 12 years is long enough ago that slyly re-creating Backstreet Boys' "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" video — albeit with a budget of $36 and a craft services table full of Cheetos — seems like an original concept to 13 year olds. Even the song sounds straight-up 1998. I kind of like it, though. Kind of. 3/5
Joe: A multi-ethnic Disney group? Is this The Party 2010? Only "in my dreams". Back to the song. I actually liked it. It's catchy and I think I may have to download it. 4/5
J-Step: Ace Of Base's "Don't Turn Around" meets the Pussycat Dolls' Melodie's fucking annoying (and always moving) mouth! This bitch needs another time-out and an earlier bedtime. 1/5
Mike: Well, fuck you all. I like it! I mean, she's no Selena Gomez or Ashley Tisdale but I still want to hear an album full of lifeless, age inappropriate gems from this flop in the making. 3.5/5
The Prophet: This girl's mouth is more dramatic than Jessica Simpson's. It really has a life of it's own. Why didn't the director tell her to calm it down a little? Anyway, the song is shit, so maybe Savvy should think about becoming a professional blowjob machine instead of a singer. That sweet young mouth looks mighty inviting... 1/5
Total: 14.5/30

Bruno Mars – Grenade (Video)

Follow up to #1 hit “Just The Way You Are”.

Adem: Is it wrong to generally think Bruno Mars is an alright thing? I fucking love this song - Bruno, it's like you found my letters and reach one out loud. 5/5
D'Luv: Yeah, okay. Sure. 2/5
Joe: I honestly haven't really paid much attention to this guy. Mainly because I tend to loathe anything that's currently on American radio. But it's that bad. Would I go out of my way to listen to it. Probably not. 3/5
J-Step: Oh, Jesus, pull the pin on the frikkin grenade. I'm so sick of this shit - 'so-called, sexy whinging'. Where's the fun gone, people? It's time for a new Kaci video I think! 1.5/5
Mike: You know, I really want to hate this guy. He's just a little too in touch with his emotions and I'm sure he steals his lyrics from the love letters I sent Julian McMahon in the 90s. That said, it's cute and I'd probably sing along to it after a bottle of Jack and a box of Tim Tams. 3/5
The Prophet: Cute. If you're into this kind of thing. 2.5/5
Total: 17/30


Jessie J – Do It Like A Dude (above)

This hot bitch wrote Miley’s “Party In The USA”.

Adem: JESSIE IS FIERCE. I like it when she grabs her cho-cha. It makes me think it's probably what Rihanna wanted the entire 'Rated R' campaign to look and sound like, you know, if she had any thoughts of her own I mean. 4/5
D'Luv: This is the latest broad everyone's masturbating over online. (Sorry, Sky Ferreira!) It's kind of the kitchen sink concept with the video, isn't it? The only thing that's missing is a glow in the dark thong. 2/5
Joe: I really don't want to like this. But I do. It's a little repetitive, but I didn't mind it. The video kind of gave me a headache though. I like her studded black lips. 3/5
J-Step: No, that's noice I feel! 4/5
Mike: So everyone's jumping on Jessie's wig like she's the second coming of Ann Lee but there's nothing wrong with a bit of hype. People are just connecting with her high brow lyrics and deeply spiritual message. 4/5
The Prophet: Vulgar! Only Ke$ha can get away with this garish behavior. 0/5
Total: 17/30

Kim Ann Foxman – Creature (Video)

90s House is making a comeback.

Adem: Who is this lesbian, and why does she look like a (slightly) more approachable La Roux? Whatever, she's an amazing lesbian and this is all kinds of hot. Did she hire Madonna's Blond Ambiton Tour dancers for the video? I can't wait to hear this in a club on a loud system; it's like it's 1994 and I'm listening to corker house music on my boombox in the bedroom. I also enjoy the fact it goes for a hundred years, like all house music in the 90's did. 4/5
D'Luv: I love this guy! And I also love the fact that the video could just as well have been shot in the time period the song sounds like it's from. 4/5
Joe: Oooh me likes! Kim looks like she took dance lessons from Whitney Houston. The voguing queens make up for her lackluster dance skills. And I am loving her Ya Kid K fasions! The more I listen to this song the more I am loving it. Anyone who wants to bring back early 90s House gets my seal of approval. I must hear more!! 5/5
J-Step: Don't get me wrong, the notion of decent 90's inspired house making a major comeback is beyond awesome. But when it's purposely dull and boring, what's the point, honestly? I've seen more excitement in the face of an arsehole than poor ol' Kimmy! 2/5
Mike: Dust off your favourite lime green t-sheet, re-charge your glow sticks and grab a chupa chump - the 90s are back! Just be careful. Listening to Kim's mesmerising opus will bring on every pill you've popped over the past 20 years. This shit should come with a warning! 4/5
The Prophet: Honey, I know the 90s are in right now, but this is just a little too desperate. Still, i can't bring myself to give it a flop rating. 3/5
Total: 22/30

Kylie – Better Than Today (Video)

Third single from "Aphrodite".

Adem: You know what? I am so fucking angry with Kylie's people for releasing this as the next single over "Aphrodite" or, you know, basicaly any other song on the album, that I'm tempted to give her absolutely no score at all. It's lovely and great and I enjoy it but this is NOT a single. Not at ALL. And what's with all the remixes taking out the best bit; the whales-being-raped sound after each chorus? This really is a frighteningly disappointing turn in events when it comes to the 'Aphrodite' album campaign. That said; 3/5
D'Luv: I really wish Kylie didn't have that unspoken rule about not releasing album title tracks as singles, because "Aphrodite" is miles ahead of "Better Than Today." Unfortunately, "Better Than Today" is probably deemed to be more "radio friendly." Oh, well—not a bad song. It's just kind of… there. 3.5/5
Joe: This is a great example of a song that gets better w/ a good video. I remember when Kylie did this on her North American tour, and I thought...meh it's ok. But it's one of those songs that gets better w/ more listens. Though I wouldn't say it's the best choice for a single. I'm still waiting for 'Cupid Boy'! 3.5/5
J-Step: "Cupid boy, when we touch, I'm in heaven in your arms..." Oh, no, wait, that was the BETTER option wasn't it! I mean it's cute, catchy, but...yeah. I've tried to react differently since hearing this was third single, but the best I can manage is a nice positive shrug of the shoulders! 4/5
Mike: The Pop Panel has spoken. "Cupid Boy" is single everyone wants from "Aphrodite" - not this annoyingly cheerful Scissor Sisters rip off! This is the dumbest decision Kylie has made since relegating "Tightrope" to a bonus track. I'll be happily surprised if this even cracks the top 30 in the UK but she is our leader, so I'm giving it 4/5. Begrudgingly.
The Prophet: I want to automatically give this a zero because I suspect it will win and I want to sabotage the PP and go against popular opinion, but then I remember that this is one of my favorite cuts from "Aphrodite", but also the one that most people bitch about, so I'm going to give it a high rating, partly because I want too and partly out of spite. I hope that's right. 4.5/5
Total: 22.5/30


SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Kim Zolciak - Google Me (below)

Real housewives of Atlanta superstar unveils her latest single.

Adem: The voice of an angel!! She's great and this trashy-bonanza is too, but she doesn't hold a candle to the genius musical stylings of Heidi Montag, does she? And also too, when is the great Snooki going to release a single? And Kathy Griffin's Mom? I am ALL FOR reality sluts getting in front a microphone. I don't even need to listen to the whole song to know Kim gets full marks. 5/5
D'Luv: Bow down to the High Priestess Of Pop! Thankfully she got off her lazy ass and recorded another masterpiece. And at this rate, we can probably expect a full album sometime in 2017! Her soaring, angelic vocals have me seriously thinking she just might be yanking that New Queen Of Soul title away from Ke$ha in the near future. Brava! 5/5
Joe: LEGEND!!!! Kim needs to do an album!!!!! 5/5
J-Step: What a pure talent!!! Does it get any better... NO!!! 5/5
Mike: The voice. Those lyrics. That wig. Kim really is the new queen of pop! Madonna must be shitting herself - when not googling "how to be as fabulous as that stunning beauty from the Real Housewives of Atlanta". 5/5
The Prophet: How could this not get a five? 5/5
Total: 30/30


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Pop Panel 3 - Week 4

Welcome to the latest Pop Panel installment! Once again, sorry for the delay but I was too hungover on Sunday to turn on my computer - let alone whip up this shit up. Maybe I'll move it permanently to Mondays. Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait. I don't have a stunning A List celebrity guest like last week but I do have one of the closest Pop Panel battles in recent memory and some of the most stunning anthems to grace my blog in a very long time. Less than a point separated the winner and runner-up this week and I kind of wish it was a tie. I love them both so much! I'm also relieved about the bottom two. Taste still wins over hype and marketing on Pop Trash Addicts! The following bloggers helped me determine our latest single of the week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

We were also assisted by the following guest judges:

Bruce (US) creator of my favourite website of all time The Universal Love Of La Toya. I feel honoured and blessed by his presence!

and

Grant (Canada) writer of the amazing Isle Of Deserted Pop Stars. The Isle is THE pace on the net for hard to find, trashy pop gems.

Ok, let's get cracking. As usual the songs are ranked from lowest to highest.


Ellie Goulding - Your Song (Above)

Ellie does Elton John. I think he liked it.

Bruce: Gag. So earnest it hurts. Belongs on a "Songs For Cutters" compilation. Could this canary warble a little more please? Is this the song that won her Britain's Got X Idol or something? I'm sure Sir Elton LOVED her version! Him hating it doesn't buy him a new beach house! 1/5
D'Luv: So, she pulled a "Mad World" and reinvented the song as a maudlin dirge. Too bad there's no Jake Gyllenaal to jerk off over like with "Mad World" in 'Donnie Darko'. 2.5/5
Grant: Don't get me wrong, as I adore me some Ellie. But isn't this just a bit too precious? I'm not a fan of Queen Elton anyway, but somehow this makes a mediocre song even worse. But because it's Ellie, I'll be kind. 3/5
J-Step: I think I was on that train in July. If I would've known Ellie was doing this 5 carriages down, I would've walked down and slapped and kicked her for even thinking about releasing the second most pointless recording of all time (yeah, that's right Freemasons, "Uninvited" was a fucking disaster)! 1/5
Mike: Vile. This self-indulgence, achingly pretentious, soulless massacre of Elton's classic ballad makes me want to tie Ellie to a chair and force her to listen to the Cheryl Cole anthology as punishment. 0/5
The Prophet: I love Ellie. I actually wish she had stuck with some more electronic based sounds, just while the trend is hot, but this is a beautiful cover of Elton's classic. 4/5
Total: 11.5/30

Rihanna ft. Drake - What's My Name? (Video)

RiRi's latest cure for insomnia.

Bruce: In spite of Rihanna's cheeriness in the video, I find this song to be another bummerjam from our Barbadian Barbie. If this is the "fun Rihanna" then we really are in a global depression! Drake's unnecessary auto-drone seems like it was written in the car on the way to the studio. Although I do appreciate new math-related oral sex jokes. I'm sure after 1000 impressions it will stop bothering me that the lyrics have nothing to do with knowing her name. Ree-ahh-nah, what's the point? 2/5
D'Luv: I hated this song at first, but now it's grown on me. I can't believe it got to #1 in the U.S., but I feel it wouldn't have plummeted to #7 the next week if Drake hadn't been involved. He's a drag. 3/5
Grant: And so Rihanna continues her trend of following up a scorcher with an utter piece of boring, repetitive shite. No wonder it was a #1 hit in the US! And points deducted for featuring the blandly bland Drake, who along with Bieber is giving us Canadians a bad name. Thank God for supertalents like Elise Estrada and Margo! 2/5
J-Step: Don't hate it as much as Mike, but yeah, still pretty fucking boring. The U.S. market is too busy stroking it's NARROW mindedness to actually listen to what they're producing... lucky them! 2(for the "oh, na-na")/5
Mike: Here, bitch. Let me explain your name. R is for rubbish. I is for insufferable. H is for hack. A is for absolutely shit. N is for not another song about your supposed sexual prowess when you probably lie there like there an industrial strength blow up doll. N is also for nobody cares about your stupid fucking red wig. A is for your fans are arseholes. 0/5
The Prophet: Another flawless epic summer anthem from Queen RiRi. She may not be the most talented girl on earth but she sure knows how to shit out the hits! 5/5
Total: 14/30

Pet Shop Boys - Together (Video)

80s pop icons are still on the grind, filming this opus in glamorous Estonia.

Bruce: Solid Pet Shop Pop if a bit too Guettafied, it should still please their core audience of wistful disco queens. I'm sorry that someone feels that the PSBs are too old and decrepit to appear in their own music video, but I really enjoyed learning all about the underground Estonian ballroom breakdance scene! 4/5
D'Luv: I like this song. Not over the moon about it, and not their best single (plus, the "Ultimate" package it's included on is useless). But the video is definitely their finest in a decade. 3.5/5
Grant: Meh. Never been much of a fan, and this ain't gonna change that. It's like Neil Young being backed by Basshunter i.e. my worst nightmare. No thanks. 1.5/5
J-Step: These bitches could keep producing the same catchy hook-driven tracks for eternity and I'd still lap them up! Oh, wait, they have, and I do! I'm still waiting for a "Go West"/"It's A Sin" mash-up (yes, a boy can dream!)3/5
Mike: Yeah it's a bit shit but the "boys" have been rolling out the same song since 1993. I give this two extra points for them not appearing in the video. 2.5/5
The Prophet: I know I'm an asshole and the Pet Shop Boys are a great band for those who like them, but I fucking hate them and everything they do. I'd rather insert a razor blade into my anus than listen to these cunts. 0/5
Total: 14.5/30


Miami Horror - Holidays (Above)

3rd single from Australian electro outfit's "Illumination" album.

Bruce: Feeling the upbeat Jamiroquaishness, not feeling the strained vocals! It's wallpaper funk that has a decent bounce to it, but I can't say I want to hear it again. I can definitely say I don't want to watch the Adventures of Penis Mouth again! Ever! 3/5
D'Luv: Wait — am I hallucinating? Did Mike actually pass along a classy dance-pop jam for us to review for a change? I'm watching the video for a sixth time now, still looking for the Spanish tranny or the low-rent gay who needs voice lessons. 4/5
Grant: They can do no wrong in my books, and this track is no exception, though this video is perhaps their worst to date. And why feature Sarah Connor's twin brother in the leading role? 4.5/5
J-Step: It's definitely got a nice, cruisy, summer vibe going for it, but it's just a little too forgettable fluff for me! 2.5/5
Mike: A great summer jam from Miami Horror with a stack of killer remixes. Not sure about the District 9 meets Thelma & Louise video clip. 4/5
The Prophet: This is cool... Nothing else to say on the matter, really. 4/5
Total: 22/30

Her Majesty & The Wolves - Stars In Your Eyes (Video)

Ex-Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt's new band.

Bruce: Sorry, if we were in an off-cycle for the Black Eyed Peas I might allow this but they've just come back with a fresh assault on global radio so I'm afraid this won't work. I ask: if the one Pussycat who can sing can't have a hit, what makes the one who can do a vertical splitz think she can have one? Sorry, she kinda needs another five panty-dancers next to her to make it interesting. More Dolls, less glow-in-the-dark skeleton costumes! 2/5
D'Luv: Dizzee Rascal wants his three-dollar hooker back. But oh, well — this is actually good trash. If Cheryl Cole made videos this classy, I might not want to kick her pussy in. 4/5
Grant: It's amazing what talent Nicole was trying to stifle in PCD. All of her back-up dancers are now banging out pure pop trash brilliance, and Kimberley is at the head of the pack. Though not as fabulous as Glaciers, this is super-hot and skanky. Bonus points for paying tribute to Dannii's look circa 2002 and employing Ashley, the only Pussycat Doll without discernible talent. 4.5/5
J-Step: This is gonna be a grower! Nicole must be SCHiting herself. She's being outfabulised left, right and centre! 4/5
Mike: I like it but the production is more dated than Cher's birth certificate and Kimberly's voice makes Jessica Sutta sound like a pre-crack Whitney Houston. 3/5
The Prophet: Finally, the REAL talent in PCD is getting to shine! KIMBERLEGEND FTW! 5/5
Total: 22.5/30

Margo - Walking In LA (Video)

Internet sensation covers an 80s classic by Missing Persons.

Bruce: The year is 2011: Electro Punk has arrived! Great spin on a golden oldie, but just as you're starting to feel the funk the chorus kinda brings things to a screeching halt. Good thing the hyper freakout at the end gets your fist pumping again! 3/5
D'Luv: This is a pretty good cover. Ellie Goulding should take a few pointers. Once she pulls the oven mitt and Sylvia Plath novel out of her snatch, that is. 4/5
Grant: I could not love Margo more, and not just because she is currently my best (Facebook) friend. Thankfully she's doing us Canadians proud with style, edge, talent, beauty, personality and heavy doses of all of the old school music that I love. What an inspired song to remake as she takes over LA and soon the world!! 5/5
J-Step: I could teach you a thing or two, yeah, yeah! Luci's on fire this week. Taking over the world, one bitch at a time! 4/5
Mike: What a grower! The first time I heard this it just made me long for Traci Lords' stunning cover but I've seen the light. Margo is the sound of 2011! And I agree with J-Step. The production is very Luciana/Bodyrox-esque but I can't think of a bigger compliment. 5/5
The Prophet: I swear I discovered this bitch and now everybody is on her wig. She's so fierce! 4.5/5
Total: 25.5/30


SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Elise Estrada - You're So Hollywood (Below)

Stunning Canadian diva scored a #98 smash with this anthem in her homeland.

Bruce: First off, Paris doesn't go to the gym 'cuz the coke keeps her skinny, but whatever... I love the new Princess of Pacific Rim Pop! This is the kind of magic that gets created when a power vocalist is paired with an even more powerful computer application! (Maybe it failed to reach #97 on the charts because it's too "inside" showbiz and average Canadians don't relate to the struggles of getting your headshot posted in delicatessens?) The video earns extra points for the "Law and Order: Vancouver" storyline and the lipstick on the male dancers. 5/5
D'Luv: Oh, hell yes. 5/5
Grant: A surprise return from Canada's premiere recording artist after, well, almost everyone else. Mind you, since no one here was even aware of her in the first place, I guess it's not that much of a surprise. But a tasty piece of cheese it is, and good on her for making a desperate bid to reach the US and Asian markets in the vid (even if she does have to hire her own 'fans'). 3.5/5
J-Step: L.A. has REALLY changed Luciana! 4/5
Mike: Glamour has a new name! This is further proof that the charts are rigged. Elise should be #1 on every chart in existence. Her profound vocal prowess, stunning beauty and relatable lyrics touched me in places I didn't even know I had. Please tell me Canada's greatest talent since Celine Dion has an album on the way! 5/5
The Prophet: This glamorous diva is my new fave! She's like the Asian Kaci/Kimberly. 3.5/5
Total: 26/30


Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Pop%20Panel
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Pop Panel 3 - Week 3

Welcome to the most surreal Pop Panel yet. This week's selection includes songs from an Asian girlband, a tranny, one of Sweden's biggest stars and the owner of Germany's most famous child bearing hips. And then there's our winner. I really don't know what to say. Our third place getter was clearly ROBBED but I'm too amused by the outcome to be outraged. Only on Pop Trash Addicts! As much as I enjoyed the bitching and shock voting, this week was all about our celebrity guest judge. We've been blessed by the presence of a beautiful orange angel but more about her later. I should also reveal that I've implemented a small change this week by reducing the number of songs to seven after complaints that Pop Panel takes longer to read than War and Peace. Let me know what you think - if I should reduce the number of songs further or keep it as is. Anyway, time to get on with it. The Panel is comprised of the following bitches bloggers:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
Robpop (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

And then there's our special celebrity guest - the one and only Kelly Llorenna! This is such an honour. I've been obsessed with the golden goddess of pop since I first heard "Set You Free" in the 90s. She is a true legend and one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of dealing with. K Lo is still busy working on her Freak Asylum project with Love To Infinity but hopefully we'll be hearing something new before the end of the year. I'll update you as soon as there is any news regarding a release date. In the meantime, read my interview with the original Queen of Clubs and check out her iconic improvement of Madonna's "Dress You Up" (below).


As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.

Cascada – Night Nurse (Video)

Natalie & Co return with another Hi-NRG anthem.

D'Luv: Cascada's 17th attempt at remaking "Poker Face" comes close, but no cigar. At least this video had a budget of 30 euros. 2/5
J-Step: Fucking stupid song! Honestly, I go from liking Cascada to being a hater with each single release. Needless to say, I'm back on team hater. 2/5
Kelly Llorenna: Disappointed with this. Prefer when they are doing more uptempo stuff like "Evacuate the Dancefloor" etc. This just seems very weak compared to the fab pop tracks they have had out in the past... not really feeling the video either. They have done some great vids in the past but this is not one of my faves. I give it 2/5.
Mike: Poor Natalie looks like a plus sized Oompa Loompa in the video but this is entirely acceptable dance trash. Bring on the Yanou Candlelight Mix! 2.5/5
Robpop: An epic titanic shit track of leviathan proportions. 0/5
The Prophet: Why are these floptastic failures still releasing music? Ugh. I give this song some credit though because it's not as in-your-face HI-NRG as the rest of their stuff, and I respect them for slightly toning down their sound and trying something slightly different for a change. It's just a shame the song is so boring. 2/5
Total: 11/30

Alesha Dixon - Radio (Video)

2nd single from Alesha's forthcoming album.

D'Luv: I love how, to break Alesha in America, they have a total white trash couple fighting in a trailer in the video. It's like the "Love The Way You Lie" clip on a shoestring budget and with actors who actually suck worse than Megan Fox. It'll probably work, and this song will be a smash! 2/5
J-Step: Oh, Jesus, I thought Cascada was bad!!! Alesha attempting a ballad is so much worse than Cascada vomiting up and eating the same song for 10 years! 0.5/5
Kelly Llorenna: I was disappointed with this after loving the first single "Drummer Boy" off the new album and the video too. A bit "middle of the road" ballad for miss Dixon. She looks great as usual in the video but not as strong as her other stuff. Shame! As I do like her... I give it 3/5.
Mike: "Radio" sounds like something Ryan Tedder spewed out in 5 minutes between ads while watching the Antiques Roadshow but I kind of like it. Just a shame it was wasted on a talent free zone like Alesha. 3/5
Robpop: If the Cascada track was a Titanic mess, then this is its sister ship, the rms olympic which stayed the course as a ship and was eventually retired. In other words, this is okay but nothing outstanding. It manages to keep its course as an average listenable tune but will ultimately find itself retired into the sunset of the ether. 2/5
The Prophet: When is Alesha DICKson going to realise nobody cares about her solo career? An epic fail at ripping of Queen Robyn on this song. Ew. 0/5
Total: 11/30

Darin - Lovekiller (below)

Swedish pop star dusts off new single.

D'Luv: The appeal of this guy has escaped me for the large part of his career, though I like a few of his songs. This one's pretty exceptional. Just a really good, non-conventional ballad. 4/5
J-Step: If this really is Sweden's 'King of Pop' then they're in dire need of some new talent. This song (worst metaphor EVER) is almost laughable. When the hell are you supposed to pump this out of your speakers? Mine have just given me a strongly worded warning featuring many expletives that if I even think about doing it again they're going to incinerate themselves. 1/5
Kelly Llorenna: Always love videos which start as a feature film. It took a few plays for me to get into this but kind of like it. I don't really know a lot about this guy but he seems to be doing something right. Nice voice too. I think there are bigger songs to come from him yet. The song is ok but easily forgotten. The bit in the video where they are in the church with black eyes freaked me out! lol! 3/5
Mike: And the award for the most heavy handed and depressing metaphor in recent pop history goes to Darin. This made me want to take a warm bath with a sharp razor. The thing is - I kind of love how over the top it is and will probably play "Lovekiller" on the repeat when I'm old, alone and living in a rundown caravan park with 30 cats. 3.5/5
Robpop: Oh there are those strings again. 2 points already. By the time of chorus kicks in, you could imagine this being sung by Jordin Sparks. Not that that's entirely a bad thing but it is totally void of character and emotion. As a stand alone song I feel this is actually the best of the bunch this week but there is absolutely emotion or soul in it. Leaves me numb. 3/5
The Prophet: Darin is only relevant when he's performing with the LEGENDARY Kat DeLuna. Flop. 0/5
Total: 14.5/30


Girls' Generation - Hoot (Video)

Korean girlband unveils latest smash.

D'Luv: Great. So a pack of Korean strippers got ahold of daddy's Platinum Visa card, Mapquested their way to Victoria's Secret and now think they're Girls Aloud. They've actually got 50 times more charisma than Girls Aloud, but this is still boring as fuck. 1/5
J-Step: They're no BoA! Catchy chorus, though. And I love the clip! 3/5
Kelly Llorenna: Wasn't sure what to expect from this girlband as I had never heard anything about them but was pleasantly surprised!! Very catchy pop song which reminded me of something Girls Aloud would do. Really liked the video too... very poppy and couldn't stop singing it all day lol. The only thing I couldn't figure out was how many where in the band!? lol! I give it 4/5.
Mike: If the Wonder Girls are Asia's answer to Destiny's Child, then I guess that makes Girls Generation the Korean Shakaya. 1/5
Robpop: Reasonably okay pop from Girls Generation. A bit too tedious and lukewarm for me. It kinda sounds like an S Club 8 b-side. 3/5
The Prophet: These girls never fail to have the best and catchiest hooks on all their stunning hits. "Hoot" is no "Gee" but it's still amazing, nonetheless. 5/5
Total: 17/30

Slash feat. Fergie - Beautiful Dangerous (Video)

Ex-Guns N Roses guitarist gets fergalicious.

D'Luv: No. 0/5
J-Step: Hot song, hot video = HOT, HOT, HOT!!! 4/5
Kelly Llorenna: Love it, love it. love it!!! My fave out of all the reviews. I am a massive fan of Slash and Fergie. This rocks!!! This is one of them tracks I wish I had done!!! lol! Slash's guitar licks and Fergie's bad ass voice!!! Winning formula!!! And the video!!! Wow!!! And the best butt award goes to? Wow she looks amazing!!! My fave!!! 5/5
Mike: Absolutely stunning. This was never going to be a hit but I love everything about it. The Dutchess shows P!nk how a real rock chick rolls! And as much as it pains me to admit, I agree with The Prophet. Fergie needs to take a holiday from the Peas and do her own thing. Someone needs to put the pretenders in check. 5/5
Robpop: Crap.0/5
The Prophet: Fergie just SNATCHED AND SLAYED your faves! Stay mad! She needs to fuck off this electro shit with the Black Eyed PEA BRAINS and start work on her own ROCK album. 5/5
Total: 19/30

Peppermint – Let U have It (Video)

New York's hottest tranny gets sexy.

D'Luv: This is what Hell sounds like, as produced by C+C Music Factory. 5/5
J-Step: I prefer spearmint, bitch. Leave the yelling to Kelis. Keep the guy, though! 2.5/5
Kelly Llorenna: I feel a RuPaul vibe here! The song reminds me of a Britney track. The song is slightly weak for me but the video makes up for it as it's very glam and sexy. I couldn't remember the song...but I could tell you all about the video! lol! I give it 2/5 for song, 4/5 for video.
Mike: Ultra Nate called and wants her "Automatic" video back but I can't hate on Peppermint despite her ruthless swagga jacking. Any diva that spends her entire video groping a naked man is ok by me and I love that the song sounds like an En Vogue B-side from 1992. 5/5
Robpop: When I heard Naomi Campbell was releasing an album with Lenny Kravitz back in the heady days of the 1990's I thought she'd put out something like this. Despite being a tiny bit dated, this is not bad. Not overly brilliant. But good. 2.5/5
The Prophet: It's no "Tranny in the House" but it's still epically defining. I just wanna EAT that guys ASS like I'm MUNCHING on a giant slice of WATERMELON! Is that too vulgar? Whatever. 4.5/5
Total: 21.5/30


SINGLE OF THE WEEK



Susan Boyle – Perfect Day (below)

Susie covers Lou Reed.

D'Luv: I'd fuck her. 5/5
J-Step: Surprisingly enough, I like this. Anyone else see the parallels with Vanessa Amorosi's "Perfect"? Both in the name and video's sweeping pan shots... haha, love it! 4/5
Kelly Llorenna: After seeing her on Piers Morgan, I actually really like her now. I still prefer Lou Reed's version but this is not bad... got a Christmas vibe going on with the choir and bells and chimes in the background! lol. It reminds me of something Cliff Richard would bring out (as he normally does) for Christmas... I give it 2.5/5.
Mike: The arrangement is cute in a vomit inducing kind of way and there's no denying Susie's hypnotic sex appeal but I wish K Lo had recorded a stunning Hi-NRG cover version instead. "Perfect Day" needs Kelly's powerhouse vocals and legendary golden glow! Maybe next year? 3.5/5
Robpop: Actually, this is a beautiful arrangement. For sure, I have "issues" with the cover and the singer but putting those prejudices aside this is actually a rather stunning version. I like the way they've brought in strings. Something of which I have a huge weak spot for. Respect goes to covers which have re-worked it and brought out different aspects, narratives and emotions that weren't really there originally. 5/5
The Prophet: I LOVE Auntie Susie! I know Susie's turned this classic into an English Church hymn but I don't care. I even bought this single legally on iTunes. That Susie reign just won't let up! 5/5
Total: 25/30


Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Pop%20Panel
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Pop Panel 3 - Week 2

I'm sorry about the lack of posts. The ARIA Awards (and its drunken aftermath) kind of derailed the blog for a couple of days. My brain is finally starting function again, so I thought I should hurry up and post Pop Panel. After last week's less than commercial selection, I tried to throw in a couple of songs that you might know this time around. We have new music from Miley, Robyn and Nelly Furtado - as well as the usual smattering of tasty trash. The winner is a bit predictable but I wholeheartedly approve. It's nice to have a victor that you will actually hear on the radio! This week's Panel consists of:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator
J-Step (AUS) music industry insider
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Robpop (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (Aus) writer of The Prophet

And one amazing special guest!

Cameron Adams (Aus) - Cameron is well known to Australian pop fans as a card carrying member of Al Kylieda. He also writes the occasional article for the Herald Sun. I've been a fan for years and it's an honour to have him on my humble blog. Check out his best singles of the noughties list. Numbers one and five can not be denied!

As usual the songs are ranked from lowest to highest:

Juanjo Martin & Nalaya Brown ft Paris Hilton - SuperMartxé VIP (Video)

A true pop legend returns. To appear in a Spanish video clip.

Cameron Adams: Um, is this the worst thing Paris has done since the Good Charlotte bloke? At least she's not pretending to sing anymore. 2/5
D'Luv: Total scam. Paris doesn't even sing on this, does she? 0/5
J-Step: This generic track would not have even been looked at twice if a certain goddess was absent from the clip. Paris can do no wrong in my books. Oh, yeah, she can, by making me wait a frikkin eternity for a new album. Fuck this video appearance shit, Hilton, and give us all what we want, and SOON! 4/5
Mike: I think this is what heaven must be like - being fussed over by super hot servants, while Paris Hilton sprays the patio with Weed Kill. 3/5
Paul: Monstrosity - God they will love this at Bar Tubos in Gran Canaria. 2/5
Robpop: There are levels of scum. There are sub-scum levels. Beneath that lies this piece of shit. 0/5
The Prophet: This would get full marks if Paris' heavenly vocals appeared on the track, but since she's just in the video as window dressing, it gets a zero. I will not be teased and taunted into thinking Heidi Montag's holy predecessor is returning to pop only to be let down. 0/5
Total: 11/35

Miss Lady Pinks - Bitches (Video)

Grace and glamour has a new face.

Cameron Adams: Is this half of Mahogany? Babies got backs. And fronts. And faces like dropped pie. Poor bitches. Good beats tho'. 2/5
D'Luv: Heeeeeeeeeell yes. I don't know who these classy goddesses are, but I'm buying the box set. 5/5
J-Step: Mike, why the fuck did you do that to me? My psyche will never be the same again. This Pop Panel should come with a warning label. Someone alert the media - Shakaya have escaped from pop's Fucked Facility and are on the loose...again! 0/5
Mike: I'm more torn than Natalie Imbruglia. Miss Lady Pinks is clearly the hottest woman in pop but we're rating the music, not the visuals - so with a heavy heart and hard penis 2.5/5.
Paul: Christ. It's all reminiscent of something, but I'm not really sure what. It's not a good memory whatever it is. I do quite like the backing track and some of the comments about having a herpes outbreak on the singers face on the youtube video but that was about it. 1/5
Robpop: In UK, we used to have this show called Smack The Pony and it contained fake pop videos at the end of each episode. This is exactly like that. 0/5
The Prophet: She's so elegant; her evening dress is to die for. But, as glam as Miss Lady Pinks is, it's the eyebrows that really steal the show. We have those stunning little drawn on lines on Miss Lady Pinks, and then those big fat slugs on the tattooed brunette. MLP is clearly a powerful force in the eyebrow shaping industry. 5/5
Total: 15.5/35

Natalia – Liberate (Video)

Spain's "Britney" is making a comeback.

Cameron Adams: Spain's Britney or Spain's Amy Pearson? 1/5
D'Luv: How do you say STD in Spanish? 2/5
J-Step: Spain's Britney? Mike, you seriously need your head examined. A correlation to Beyonce would have been closer to the truth I think. SHIT, this actually scared me! 1.5/5
Mike: Absolutely stunning! I love the juxtaposition of a cheesy Euro-pop chorus with (bad) rapping and faux RedOne production. Natalia's comeback anthem is catchy as fuck and she looks like a drag queen's wet dream in that ridiculous bird dress. Bring on the album! 5/5
Paul: Oh. She's got some bargain basement red one wannabe doing the rap at the beginning. Was rap-goon for hire Pitbull not available?! There is some impressive body popping in the chorus on the video and despite not being able to differentiate the beat from a million other songs, I do quite like it. 3.5/5
Robpop: I saw this at Pride. The rapper doesn't even get her name right. How the mediocre have fallen into the gutter of total shit. Natalia used to be good. This will flop along with her last album. This is so shit it makes Die Antwood look like Mozart. And, it pains me to say that as I used to be a Natalia fan. She used to have producers like Xenomania on her albums. Utter shit. 0/5
The Prophet: Her hair is so large and luminous. Me likey. 3.5/5
Total: 16.5/35

Miley – Who Owns My Heart (Video)

Disney ho's latest European single.

Cameron Adams: Wowsa. The lyrics are so clunky that songwriting for Miley credit she has might actually be legit. "Who owns my heart? Is it love or is it art?" I kind of like American producers belatedly discovering Europop post-Gaga and her country twang sounds ok forcefed through Autotune. The chorus isn't bad. Miley's following a career trajectory a lot of stage-parent-pushed pop stars have when they try and upgrade to a demographic who shave; the songs get better (or less worse) the more no one is buying them. 2.5/5
D'Luv: Zzzzzzzzz. Wake me when the sex tape leaks, stripper. 2/5
J-Step: Now I can play Miley when I'm off my cunt! Love it!!! 5/5
Mike: Is there a dub? 0/5
Paul: When I see Miley nowadays I'm reminded of that scene in Mean Girls where Katy realises that Halloween for mean girls is dressing like a ho. Miley seems to have taken that to heart and certainly everday is halloween for her! I don't mind this as a song, it's quite decent and catchy. It kind of sounds like an updated club mix of an 80s S/A/W song. I still prefer "Two More Lonely People" though. 3.5/5
Robpop: Next. 0/5
The Prophet: Love this song, love the video, love the album, love the girl. I just need "Liberty Walk" to be a single and my life will be complete. 4.5/5
Total: 17.5/35

Tina Cousins – Sex On Fire (above)

The best cover version of all time finally has a video clip!

Cameron Adams: THINGS to note from the belated video to this so-misguided-it-almost-works cover. Tina now looks a bit like the blonde lady from the Human League. And as she's singing about "head while I'm driving" she's flicking herself off while watching some three-on-one fuckery in a cheap looking office. Forget Kings of Leon's version, this song was always screaming for a cheesy dance mix. 3/5
D'Luv: Why does Tina looks so pissed off every time the camera focuses on her face? Oh, right—because the camera is focusing on her face. Lighten up, though, Tina—YOU probably didn't have to watch this the whole way through like I just did. 2/5
J-Step: Tina will forever be the only woman in history to look 45 and rock it. Loved this when I first heard it. Kinda just seems redundant now. It's so time for a "Pray" re-release, though! 3.5/5
Mike: So Tina slips herself the finger while watching a couple of low rent gays fuck in a toilet? I think I've had this dream before... 5/5
Paul: Hasn't this been around forever? I saw her sing this two gay prides ago and remember thinking she had brilliant legs. It's definitely the type of song that deserves a pounding remix version of it and Tina does a bonza job of it. I've heard the original too many times and yet this version still gives me tingles. 4.5/5
Robpop: Awful. 0/5
The Prophet: This video should've been out like a year ago. Too little, too late. 2/5
Total: 20/35

Robyn – Indestructible (Video)

Swedish diva's latest flop.

Cameron Adams: The other electro pop chicks must be spewing everytime Robyn does something. She's fearless, she's got that Gaga streak where she'll do any weird shit in the name of art, without worrying about pesky things like vanity. This isn't her best single, but it's still unreal - love the drama in the chorus. Good to have a pop star who you're still excited about every new thing they release. 3.5/5
D'Luv: Not nearly as good as "Dancing On My Own" or "Hang With Me." Still better than than Katy Perry. 3/5
J-Step: Robyn has officially moved on from the cool, edgy bitch that actually sold more than 14 units. All hail, the Queen of Forgettable Trance! 2.5/5
Mike: This worked so much better as a ballad. The lyrics are lovely but it just doesn't translate into a dance anthem with the same ease as "Hang With Me". Poor Robyn. Remember when she wasn't completely shit? 2/5
Paul: I've been a bit of an anomaly really because I've been left cold where other bloggers have spaffed up their chuff over everything Robyn has released. I've quite liked her past couple of singles and started to be won over. This isn't as good as "Dancing On My Own" however, and doesn't seem to be much different from what she's done before. Sigh. 2.5/5
Robpop: This is not about videos. Right? I've never judged this on videos. Its always about the songs. If it was based the video I'd give robyn nowt. Its the worst thing she's ever put to film. Confluently, the song soars in amongst clouds of pop beauty. I like the fact she's returned to big bouncy anthemic choruses. Yum! 3/5
The Prophet: Incredible. It's a shame that Robyn's pop is too classy for Mike to appreciate :( He's been slumming it with GaGa and Beyonce for so long that he's forgotten what good pop sounds like. Don't worry Mike, I still have faith in you! Come towards Robyn's holy light... 4.5/5
Total: 21/35

Nelly Furtado – Night Is Young (Video)

From Nelly's soon to be released GH compilation.

Cameron Adams: Hmm. It's OK. Sounds exactly like what it is, stop-gap new song on a singles album. At least there's no Timbaland in earshot. Most interesting thing is working out if she's singing "we wanna baby" or "we want a baby." 2.5/5
D'Luv: This song is okay. I don't know. It seems like it would have been more exciting maybe, say, three or four years ago. But now everyone and their mother is doing music like this. Needs more Miss Lady Pinks. 3/5
J-Step: Love this bitch, but just can't come around to liking this. The song's boring, the video's lifeless and together the whole package borders on fucking annoying. 2/5
Mike: I'm biased. Nelly could sing the Delta Goodrem songbook and I'd still buy it. 4.5/5
Paul: Whoa Nelly. You need to take tips from P!nk on how to do an entirely exciting greatest hits song. You say you want to be frozen in time in the lyrics and it seems that you are with this tune. So passe and dull. And once again, another song with an indistinguishable beat this week. Hardly as exciting as Maneater. 2/5
Robpop: This feels slightly disjointed. Some singers just can't really do pop. I can see Cascada do this. Heck, i can hear the old Natalia do this. Nelly just seems 2 be going through the motions. Nice enough though. 3/5
The Prophet: I started off being underwhelmed by this song, but now I absolutely love it. Nelly can do no wrong. 5/5
Total: 22/35


SINGLE OF THE WEEK


Katy Perry – Firework (below)

Third single from Katy's album.

Cameron Adams: KT's oh-so-live attempt at singing this on the UK X Factor (the one people watch) has replaced Stephanie McIntosh on the Footy Show as the clip to watch when in need of a quick laugh. Irony overload on the keep-it-real-cancer-kids-and-tubby-girls-and-gay-boys-have-feelings-too video from a woman who trowls on more make up than any pop star I've ever interviewed. This is actually her second good pop song in a row, a personal best for her. Is `Do you ever feel like a plastic bag' the worst first line of the year? 3.5/5
D'Luv: I'm so bored with this broad and her Jesus tits. 2/5
J-Step: I docked half a point for the stupid purple streak at the "boom, boom, boom" moment. You think this is all class until then. I guess the try-hard Perry trash had to manifest itself somewhere. I was just hoping it would've been on the next video, so we could have one untainted by filth commercialism. Hey, a bitch can dream (teenage style)! 4.5/5
Mike: Fuck off, Katy haters! The fourth lady of American pop (after Bey, Ke$ha and Kaci) is on a tear at the moment. The singles from "American Dream" have been flawless and that streak continues with "Firework". I HATE the video - which offensively equates fat people and homosexuals with cancer patients and victims of domestic violence! - but formulaic American pop doesn't come much better. 5/5
Paul: Meh. It's ok. I'm still in a mood that she didn't release Peacock. 3/5
Robpop: I deeply dislike this woman. I have invested money in her albums and she has delivered very little. In the sense, the way she sings grates on me. But the songs are pretty good. Mainly this one. Surprisingly okay. 3.5/5
The Prophet: So fucking over Katy Perry right now, but hating on her makes me feel like some fickle flip-flopping Queen, so I'm gonna give it a nice score just so I don't feel like a cunt. 4/5
Total: 25.5/35


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