Pop Panel - Week 12

I've been doing the Pop Panel for the past 3 months and I really should be used to the occasional dud song winning but it still annoys me when a big stinking poo pollutes my lovely blog! I guess this week's winner isn't quite that bad but there is a fine line between drawing influence from the 80s and ruthlessly ripping off the pop stars of yesteryear. If music fans keep encouraging this sort of behaviour it's only a matter of time before some shaggy haired dude tries to channel Michael Bolton. You've been warned! Anyway, now that I've finished ranting, I really should introduce the judges responsible for this harrowing decision. Today's Panel consists of:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Pablo (Spain) writer of Peibols
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

In addition to the usual hos, I've roped in the services of these two hot bitches:

Nasty G (Canada) writer of The Isle Of Deserted Pop Stars
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

I'm really excited to have these guys on board. "Isle" has to be one of my all time favourite blogs and my preferred hunting grounds for fabulous pop trash, while Tommie's new blog is on fire. I'm still reeling from his amazing Leila K extravaganza and the introduction to Norell, Oson & Bard rocked my world.

As usual the songs are listed from least to most popular.

Tinchy Stryder feat Amelle Berrabah - Never Leave You (Video)

Everyone's favourite Sugababe teams up with rising hip hop star Tinchy.

D'Luv: Didn't T.I. and Rihanna already do this song? And that hair? 0/5
Mike: Tinchy has to be the world's worst rapper since Mr President. Seriously, Peter Andre has more urban credibility. Teaming up with Amelle is a smart move but even that crazy bitch can't turn this turd into a diamond. 1/5
Nasty G: What? Another Taio Cruz track?! Oh no, it's apparently the scrawny midget rapper version of him. Bleh. But, though I initially resisted her, Amelle has become my fave non-Siobhan Sugababe, even if she’s playing the poor man’s Rihanna here. Pity that they had to spend the majority of the budget on her pay cheque and not the song itself. 2/5
Pablo: Well... the concept of "everyone's" is not that true. My favourite is Heidi, for sure. Amelle, as usual, is being so bitchy. Which I like. The song is acceptable for her first "almost solo" track so, it's ok for me. 4/5
Paul: It's Tinchy. And the fifth sugababe! What more could a person want? It's a bit in your face packed with attitude and that rather memorable and "fierce" chorus. What more could a person say? 4/5
The Prophet: Mutya would've done a way better job but I still love this. It's been on heavy rotation ever since it leaked for me. Whoa whoa I will never leave you! 4.5/5
Tommie: The most vile and unreal Sugashit teams up with this Flinchy guy and the results are WHORErendous! I would rather cut my ears off than ever listen to this tripe again! 0/5
Total: 15.5/35

Taio Cruz – Break Your Heart (Video)

Britain's urban pop sensation unleashes his latest track.

D'Luv: Uninventive chorus and the fact that it sounds like Akon aside, this is what a summer pop jam should sound like! I'll probably play this at least two times before deleting! 4/5
Mike: I've been a fan of Taio's catchy urban dance schtick since the brilliant "Come On Girl". I guess it doesn't hurt that he's ten kinds of sexy and films his videos on my favourite holiday island. This isn't his finest moment but I still wholeheartedly approve. 4/5
Nasty G: Sweet Jesus, how many songs is Ne-Yo going to release off of his latest album? What's that, it's not him? Well then, how many songs is Akon going… Oh, it's not him either? Who the hell is it then and why should I care? That's right - I don't. NEXT! 2/5
Pablo: Urban music is almost as boring as ballads. Really, I don't get it. And this video is so Ibiza style... Please! Aren't there any other islands in Spain? 0/5
Paul: The thing I like about Taio is that no matter how his songs turn out (ie which genre they are trying to appeal to) they end up being the rather good type of pop tune that Chris Brown used to make before he got all fisty. This is a sleek urban jam with pop sensibilities and it's proper good. 3.5/5
The Prophet: This alright I guess but I'm sick to death of urban artists doing dance music. Yes I know he has already done lots of dance tracks before but his R&B songs are so much better. This sounds like everything else on the radio at the moment. 1.5/5
Tommie: This is either RedOne by-the-numbers or someone trying to do RedOne by-the-numbers. It's decent enough considering it's Taio Cruz, but I wish it was more creative. 2.5/5
Total: 17.5/35

Little Boots – Remedy (Video)

Little Boots follows up her last flop with "Remedy".

D'Luv: I'm torn between thinking this song is a bit lazy with the verses—it's annoying when artists sing the same melody as the instrumentation—and quite fantastic, once it finally gets to the chorus. There's also something very ABBA-esque about said chorus. I dunno. 3/5
Mike: The sad thing about this pathetic excuse for a Kylie B-side is that it's probably the best thing on the boring cunt's sorry excuse for an album. It's enough to make you miss Ratshit STDvens! Well, almost. 0/5
Nasty G: Now we know what would have become of Dannii if she had kept her original nose. But I confess, I have a soft spot for this puss in Boots, however redundant she may seem. All of my gays are eating her shit up like it was their last meal, so who am I to resist? 3.5/5
Pablo: It's not only that I like the song. It's all it means to me. Riding in Parker's car totally screaming this song like crazy queers, reminds me of great moments in Elche. Also, a great video (copycat of "Slow", of course). 5/5
Paul: I'm not entirely sure why LB isn't more massive than she is but I'm very eager for this single to change that. It's lyrically a spiritual companion to the lovely "Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer" and equally as funky. Perhaps this should have been the first single but what's done is done. If you pass this by on prejudice then it's utterly your loss. 5/5
The Prophet: So this is Little Boots, is it? The girl everyone's been talking about? What a disappointment, she's so boring. 1/5
Tommie: I guess this qualifies as 'alright', but there's no energy to this one, is there? And the poor woman looks dead in some shots, Christ. I don't have the same kind of haterade against the girl like some people have, but her image needs serious re-tooling because the 'British Lady GaGa' thing is not working out for her! 2/5
Total: 19.5/35

BoA – Energetic (Video)

The Korean superstar's 3rd US single.

D'Luv: I liked the BoA song from last week better. He just sounds like a robot here. 2/5
Mike: I also prefer the sublime sleaziness of "Eat You Up" but this is still another cracking dance tune from Korea's second sexiest woman (Mina still holds that title). It's interesting that the lowest votes come from the oldest gays. Just saying! 4.5/5
Nasty G: At last, an Asian singer whose English voice I can actually enjoy and not just pretend to in order to honour the gay code which states that I must champion every international pop-tart underdog (sorry Utada, but I can finally say it - you suck!). Seriously, this is perhaps the best song off Britney’s album. It's a shame, though, that her failure so far in the US has resulted in her having to use Paula Abdul's abandoned dance routine and video set for "I’m Just Here For The Music". 4.5/5
Pablo: Oh, how interesting, another Asian girl. Aha, I see. And using a vocoder! How original! 0/5
Paul: Honestly, I went into this tune with an open mind expecting to perhaps be wowed. It's actually quite appalling. It's like a really weak Britney demo remixed by someone who wishes they were as successful as Cascada. Yes it's that bad. I can barely listen, my ears are bleeding. 0/5
The Prophet: This is one of the only good songs from her album. The majority of her other songs sound soulless and robotic, but that actually works in Energetic's favour. 4.5/5
Tommie: The Best of Asia does it again! "Energetic" is an amazing dancefloor filler that's set to burn up many select gay clubs across America! 4.5/5
Total: 20/35


Erika Jayne – Give You Everything (Above)

American dance diva unleashes her latest floorfiller.

D'Luv: Am I naive to still be shocked at how many of these dance broads are knocking off Lady GaGa's look? Oh, right—just comment on the music, D'luvvy. It's an OK track. I dunno. Can I go back to talking about her sunglasses? No? Sigh. 2/5
Mike: I feel sorry for Erika. She was ripping off Kylie and Lady GaGa well before Little Boots stole her act. This is typically catchy material from America's underground Queen of dance. 4/5
Nasty G: When I first discovered this timeworn tranny’s song "Rollercoaster", I had a new fave diva. Her whispery white raps had me at "Eat it up". Then she released another song in which she actually attempted to sing, over a beat that even Kylie must have rejected in her Deconstruction days. This one's a little better (though I prefer the original version and its video, which gives us more half-naked man-flesh and less creaky coochie). 3/5
Pablo: No, seriously, isn't this blonde the one from Cascada? Nonono, from September?
Nonononono, from Infernal? They all look and sound the same to me. At least, this one has bigger boobs! The song is danceable and catchy. Enough for a single in summer. 3.5/5
Paul: Poor Erika may have suffered from being listened to last after a number of dance songs that I really liked this week. After those, this sounds a bit generic though of course Moto Blanco can be relied on to add a bit of spice to an otherwise slightly dull number. 2.5/5
The Prophet: I have no idea why but there's something about this that makes me want to give it a high rating. This is dreadful but I cannot resist... 4/5
Tommie: Oh no! D'luv's drunken aunt just dressed up as Lady GaGa! Fabulous. 4/5
Total: 23/35

Ricki-Lee – Don't Miss You (Video)

Australian Idol alumni-come-host releases the lead single from her latest album.

D'Luv: Great. Another dumpy tramp knocking off Rachel Stevens. Wait, did she just say, "You can kiss my behind"? Sold! 4/5
Mike: As a complete Ricki-Lee stan (ie. stalker fan), I would have probably given this 4/5 for old time's sake even without listening to it but I'm very pleased to say that this is a stunning return to form after the shiteous "Wiggle It". And I will seriously cut the next bitch that disses Ricki-Lee's bootylicious body! 5/5
Nasty G: It's great to see the trampy untalented one from Liberty X has put on 50 pounds and embarked on a solo career. Only in the UK could a fat slag have a semi-successful recording career (well, the US does have Kelly Clarkson, I suppose…). Oops, I see this is an ex-Young Diva and that she's Australian. Well, same diff. And I’m happy to hear that Cher has dusted off her auto-tune to do back-up vocals. Of course I love it (as per the gay code mentioned above). 3.5/5
Pablo: I love this song! The girl is a S Club 7 girl + one Atomic Kitten + another singer mixed up. I like it. At least she is not that skinny as other pop stars. Usually I don't like songs where you can listen to different cities. It's quite obvious. But in her case, it's forgiveable. 4.75/5
Paul: Oh god. A motorbike in the video. How avant garde. Almost as avant garde as the song, where Rickie tries to be daring by saying piss you off and kiss me behind. How shocking. Shame really that she seems to be trying harder than a gaga in a muppet suit, cos the chorus is quite good, let down by middling verses. 3/5
The Prophet: Oh wow what a shock Ricki-Lee has put dance influences in her music. Yawn. This is like a Z-grade Rihanna. I'm disappointed because I really like Ricki and I own her first two albums, though I've never played them before! 2/5
Tommie: She moves her neck around a lot, doesn't she? Anyway, nice to see someone representing the plus-sized pop tart; this'll be my Valentines Day-anthem for sure! 4/5
Total: 26.25/35

Centerfold – Take Me (Video)

Dutch girlband's sleazy new anthem.

D'Luv: Geez, I guess we just don't give Dana International enough credit for opening the market up for transgendered pop "stars." 3/5
Mike: Oh no they didn't! This fabulous trash is offensive on just about level, which is probably the reason why I've been watching it on repeat all week. The video is like nasty Europorn - I keep waiting for Rocco Siffredi to appear. Wrong, yet somehow so right! 5/5
Nasty G: I recently vacayed in the Red Light District, and like any warm-blooded male passing by the ladies on display, the first thing I thought was "Wouldn’t it be awesome to make a pop group out of only the finest whores and film their video in the brothel itself?" And here we are! And a Youtube search reveals an 80's incarnation that will keep me in Gaytube heaven for months. It's electrowhore pop. What's not to love? 4/5
Pablo: The video is disturbing. Sometimes I thought it was the beginning of a porn movie. But with ugly girls. Are they girls? Even the guys in the video are ugly. I don't like this song. 1/5
Paul: Don't think anyone will judge me if I say i would let the skinhead guy in this vid manhandle me, tie me up and throw me blindfolded into his car. But the song! It's quite catchy, with a few remixes I can see this being quite big in the UK. Pity their voices are as thin as paper, but that's never stopped anyone before. 3.5/5
The Prophet: This is absolutely, positively, outrageous! 5/5
Tommie: So let's see if I get the plot of this video - they are three bondage sluts who happen to get kidnapped by this creepy rich guy but they all enjoy it, so it doesn't matter anyway? Genius! Win! 5/5
Total: 26.5/35


SINGLE OF THE WEEK



Preston – Dressed To Kill (Below)

Ex-Ordinary Boys singer's debut solo single.

D'Luv: Sounds like all of Duran Duran took turns ass-boinking Preston over a trash bin. Love it! 4/5
Mike: This boring waste of space has spent way too much time googling Simon Le Bon. However, there are worse acts to rip off. I guess. 2/5
Nasty G: Oh my, I'm yours for the biting, Count Morrissey. How could this tight little treasure ever be in a group called Ordinary Boys? Try extraordinary, yummm… Oh wait, there is an actual song here too? Well, it seems that Rockwell has kindly lent the boy his "Somebody’s Watching Me" keyboard riff. And really, the song could be absolute tripe and he'd still get top points from me. 5/5
Pablo: Great! At least one singer with his chest not waxed!! It's quite 80s, the song, the sound and the video. 4/5
Paul: Hurrah! I adore this tune. I loved Preston in Ordinary Boys. I loved Preston in Celeb BB Car Crash TV. I loved Preston the tabloid bait. And now I love vampire 80s Preston. This is a glorious tune, well sung, very catchy and so much more entertaining than a lot of the 80s inspired guff out there right now. Preston knows the pop game well and by golly he's gonna play it. 5/5
The Prophet: Wasn't this guy on Big Brother? I really like the song but the video is so pretentious, and seeing it has tainted the way I feel about the music. 3.5/5
Tommie: I've never heard of 'Ordinary Boys' before, but I get the feeling that I'd probably hate them, so this is most likely surprisingly good! I'm curious to what he'll come up with next. 3.5/5
Total: 27/35


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Pop Panel - Week 11

This is possibly the classiest Pop Panel yet. Not only is the legendary Monica Naranjo observing proceedings from the comfort of her gold toilet like an angelic prostitute but the line up also includes a 16 year old German transsexual, a Spanish bear band and a Latvian pop diva. Annoyingly, none of those acts won but I do approve of the champion and think it's a great "Single Of The Week". As an added bonus, the original panel is back for the first time in weeks:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike author of this classy blog.
Pablo (Spain) writer of Peibols
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

In addition to those hacks, we are joined by a fabulous celebrity guest judge in the form of Alan Connor, who is burning up the UK club chart with his summer smash "I Love The Sunshine". Over the years Alan has carved out his own little niche in the Hi-NRG dance world with hits like "Let Your Love Flow" and "Dance Away" and is currently promoting the impending release of his second album "Something Going On" on the 3rd of August. Alan was kind enough to answer some questions before getting on with the voting.

Alan, "I Love The Sunshine" has been huge in clubs and even gained support from Tiesto. How did the song come about?
"I Love The Sunshine" came about after I recorded "Let Your Love Flow". We had been shopping that track around Europe looking for partners to help promote it internationally and Deep Melange, a German production team, were very interested. They did some mixes for Germany and the track went out as Mike Melange featuring Alan Connor. They sent me this easy listening type demo called "I Love The Sunshine" which I thought had potential, so I went into the studio, changed the chord structure and added some guitars and it made the song. Beltek in Slovenia then did a mix of it which is when Tiesto picked it up and we decided then to go with it as a single. It's very different from what I have done before but it's found its own audience and introduced a lot of new people to my music.

You've really found a niche with your Hi-NRG dance/pop sound. Have you always been a fan of the genre?
I grew up in the 80s when Hi-NRG was the dominant form of chart music, thanks largely to PWL. A lot of my favourite artists were from that era - Bananarama, Dead Or Alive, Kylie, Hazell Dean, Sam Fox and Lonnie Gordon, who I got to work with. So many great records. I think I was lucky when I teamed up with 7th Heaven because they understood that sound, but were able to put a fresh spin on it as well.

Your second album is about to drop. Tell us about it. Will it feature all your club hits?
The new album is out early August and it's called "Something Going On", which is the last track I wrote for the album. I'm a big fan of Xenomania and I'd been listening to Girls Aloud "The Loving Kind" a lot, so it is my stab at writing something along those lines. It is probably my favourite track on the album. The whole record, bar two songs, is mixed or produced by 7th Heaven, and all of the hits are there - "Let Your Love Flow", "Now The Rain Has Gone", "Walking Away" and "Dance Away" as well as the current single, and the next one, "Sun Went Down". There are a couple more cover versions on there, including The Pet Shop Boys "Heart", complete with brass section, and a great version of Human Leagues' "Love Action" which I had a ball recording.

I think the key thing about the album though is that we didn't rush it. We picked the best songs we could for it so there really isn't any filler there. What you have is a collection of songs that all knit together well, but each one has it's own character, so it makes for a very stimulating dance pop record I think. We're releasing it on CD and download. I still like to have a nice shiny CD wherever possible! The digital version though has a couple of bonus 12" mixes, notably "Walking Away" which seems to have been very popular with Hi-NRG fans, because it really does sound like old skool PWL. There's also a commentary which is exclusive to iTunes. The CD is now available to order at play.com, Amazon UK and HMV among others.


Alan's latest top 10 club smash "I Love The Sunshine"
As usual, the songs are listed from least to most popular. Here they are:

Barb@zul - Siente El Orgullo (Video)

Spanish bear band release the theme song for this year's Barcelona Pride.

Alan Connor: Interesting. This is a song you just have to take for what it is. It has a really good Hi-NRG production and nice melody. Very 80s. Also reminds me a bit The Killers “Human”, which is my favourite record of the year so far. I don’t think it would do anything outside of the gay clubs but for its target market it’s a really great track. I am sure the video will be showing in every gay bar in Barcelona this summer until the laser burns through the disc! 4/5
D'Luv: Computer says no. 0/5
Mike: These guys are like Bearforce - only sexy and talented! The song is catchy, uplifting and loads of fun. I love the video and the bad dance routine. Can someone please tell me where I can download this fabulous shit? 4/5
Pablo: Aren't there any other Spanish singles? 0/5
Paul: Now normally I quite like bear bands. There was that Bearforce one who did quite a decent (read: horrific but enjoyable) Christmas number. And oh my, but I really quite like this. I do like a nice uplifting number and the gaytastic video only sweetens the deal. I think when I'm older and hairier I will become a bear and start a band. 3.5/5
Rob: Er....have they ripped off The Killers?!?!?! I think they have! Law suit, law suit! Putting aside the complete and utter clear issue of plagiarism this is a great little pop song for a nice cause. Well done boys but try and be a bit more original next year. 1.5/5
The Prophet: THE HORROR! MAKE IT STOP! JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL AND STEER ME AWAY FROM THE DEVIL'S GRASP! 0/5
Total: 13/35

Cassie Davis – Do It Again (Video)

Australia's answer to Pink/Fergie releases her 3rd single.

Alan Connor: This started out as a rock track and I could feel myself zoning out, but then the groove kicks in. Love the clapping. Very nice touch. I think overall this is a song that would need a few listens though. Generally it doesn’t really separate itself enough from other acts like Pink, which probably means it won’t do as well as it would if someone established recorded it. Great voice though and I think she will be around a while. 3/5
D'Luv: This sounds like Katy Perry singing through Natasha Bedinfield's snatch and out her ass. Now, I know what you're all thinking, but that's actually not a good thing. 1/5
Mike: Seriously, is Cassie being styled by Jeanswest? She looks like a secretary from Penrith. As for the song - I don't know what to say. It took two months for "Differently" to click with me, so I might be feeling "Do It Again" come September. However, right now I'd rather see Julie from Masterchef naked than hear this shit ever again. 1.5/5
Pablo: Now I understand why Kylie makes such low cost videos! Cos it's the way Australian people make videos! Saving money! The song rocks. Sounds like really, REALLY angry cheerleaders. 4/5
Paul: I really like some of her imagery, but this song isn't the strongest single that she has done or that should have been released. It's got more of a No Doubt vibe about it - some notes in the chorus really remind of that group. I do like it well enough though and I love her talky verses. 3/5
Rob: The song is really interesting. On that note she has so much potential. The jeans are a flop. In many ways this is the song that Kelly Clarkson should have picked for her comeback. Instead, Cassie D has delightfully nabbed this stomper for her own. I think the video really lets it down. However putting aside the presentation this little ditty is a strong song that deserves to do really well. And, more development from the record company. 3/5
The Prophet: OMG is she on her THIRD single? Are you serious? I'm sure she's probably talented but her songs are terrible, and I still haven't forgiven her for flirting up a storm with my man Travis McCoy. 0.5/5
Total: 16/35

Kim Petras – Die For You (Video)

16 year old German transsexual releases her debut single.

Alan Connor: Is this the first transsexual pop star since Dana International? Is she REALLY a transsexual? At 16?!! She's very pretty, and making a record at 16 is an achievement, but I don't rate the song at all. She has the look to do well but I don't think this is the song to sell her. 2/5
D'Luv: And here I thought BoA was the only transsexual we were getting to review this week! This ranks up there with some of Heidi Montag's so-shit-it's-class material, and it made me laugh. For that alone: 5/5
Mike: Oh bless her. This is one of the most trashtastic things I've seen in 2009. Kim is ten kinds of fabulous! 4/5
Pablo: Ok, I change my mind. THIS is a really low cost video. I have nothing against trannies, really. Actually Mike is one of them I still talk to him. But this song is really boring. 1/5
Paul: My god, she looks like that skinny druggy one from the OC. Marissa Barton! I can't help but feel that Kim is searching for something and that something would be a tune or at the very least an interesting note. Quite bland and boring. 1/5
Rob: Yikes, this is dreadful. More singing lessons will be a key investment for Kim. 0/5
The Prophet: She's cute for a tranny, I would have never known if you hadn't mentioned it. It's a shame then that she couldn't hold a tune in a bucket but I have a feeling she used her sex change for her own promotional gain in order to start a music career, so I love her for being such trash. 3/5
Total: 16/35

DJ Ella – Shine Like A Superstar (Below)

Latvian pop star unveils her latest dance anthem.

Alan Connor: I like this. She is gorgeous. Great outfit. At first I thought her boobs were hanging out!! I think this is really hooky and it’s the kind of record I would buy. This is from Latvia? Eastern Europe is producing some great new talent. In fact, thank God for Europe because they’re keeping pop music alive. 4/5
D'Luv: Generic. 1/5
Mike: Ella is absolutely stunning and the song is cute but it's all a bit tired and dated. If this were 2002 I'd probably give "Superstar" 5/5 but it's not, so I'm giving it 2 for the music and 1 for her fabulous hair. 3/5
Pablo: (Almost) every song with "superstar" in its title is worth it. At least for me. Easy and danceable. Quite good. 3/5
Paul: Oh "good" - more generic europop. Weren't Cascada doing this 3 years ago before they invented the Lady Gaga sound and then forgot to release it before her? Still I bemoan generic europop and then find myself singing it for days. It sounds like something StarPilots would sing if they were women. Which they are not. 2.5/5
Rob: I love Ella. The review will consequently be ultra biased. I love what they've done to this track. The album version never deserved to be a single. This version does. I've got a feeling this could have the same capacity to be huge like Agnes' "Release Me". Is it too europop though? Could be. It might stay in her familiar Polish territory. Either way, it's a brilliant tune for the summer set. Give a Cicada remix and you've got a UK hit single. 3/5
The Prophet: Eww! She's almost (but not quite) as bad as Colton Ford. 0/5
Total: 16.5/35


Jaydn Maria Ft Flo Rida – Good Girls Like Bad Boys (Video)

Former gospel star turned urban pop diva courtesy of Ne Yo.

Alan Connor: Great song title, and it’s probably another grower. Autotune is back. Yay! Not particularly a track I would be listening to much myself though. 3/5
D'Luv: I kept waiting for the deer to put its head up her woodland ditch in the video. JoJo did this schtick a lot better and more scandalous at a much younger age. 2/5
Mike: Jadyn Maria is like Stacie Orrico on crystal meth, which makes her my kind of diva. I've loved this since it leaked under the title "Villain" in January. Sure, it's a bit formulaic and I could have done without the Flo Rida rap but the chorus is catchy and I love the slutastic video. 4/5
Pablo: Oh, how new! I girl trying to look like Megan Fox with sexy costumes! This song is the least catchy in the panel. 1/5
Paul: Good gravy. This has been done a million times before. The verses that is. The chorus is quite enticing in a dark way. If that magic worked its way throughout the whole song, it would be a lot better. I do like it when religious girls go pop (except Katy Perry of course). 3/5
Rob: Flo Rida kinda gets about doesn't he. Sadly, this is another track that sames like everything else out there at the moment. By itself its not bad but when you consider the fact that songs like this are dime a dozen these days it makes the experience tried, tested and boring. If you wanna do it different look at the singer Kesha (another once-time Flo Rida collaborator) 0/5
The Prophet: I love Jadyn because she was after a music career for years but it never worked out, so she dropped the Christian thing and decided to let the pop industry consume and rape her. She's reminds me of a porn star and I've been bumping this song all year. Shame she's going to hell then isn't it? 4.5/5
Total: 17.5/35

BoA – Eat You Up (Video)

I stuffed this up. "Eat You Up" is actually the Korean superstar's last US single. I'll include her new one next week - much to the delight of Paul and Pablo.

Alan Connor: Pretty good track with a catchy chorus. It’s very current. They’ve aimed squarely at what would get picked up on US radio, right down to the autotune. Good luck to her. 3/5
D'Luv: At first I was confused — the long hair threw me and I thought for a minute that this was a girl. Anyway, he's got a great jam with this one. Yay, BoA! 4/5
Mike: This is a good, old fashioned fuck anthem. I just feel like "Eat You Up" should be accompanied by some kind of intercourse. Anyhoo, I love the track and the choreography in the video is amazing. BoA takes on Britney at her own game and wins. In a landslide. 5/5
Pablo: A Korean Girl trying to be Avril Lavigne sounding like Britney circa "Blackout" is quite similar to Fergie dressed like a torero trying to sing sevillanas. Picture that. This is the same. 1/5
Paul: It could be that I'm writing this at 4.03am because Mike will shout at me if I don't get it done today but this song has no merit as far as I can tell. She's a bit monotonous over the same old pop-club beat. I couldn't even get through the whole song! 1/5
Rob: Those Danes do it again. Yes, this sounds a lot like a 2009 hybrid of Robyn's "Keep This Fire Burning" and Brandy's "What About Us" but that's its endearing quality. 3/5
The Prophet: This song is so last year but if I think back correctly I was obsessed with it when they first released it. Her dancing reminds me of an Asian Janet Jackson, and the sexually suggestive lyrics are the icing on the cake. 4/5
Total: 21/35

Beyoncé – Sweet Dreams (Video)

The most poptastic number on "Sasha Fierce".

Alan Connor: I really like Beyonce. She’s made some great records. This is one of the stronger tracks from her album, and being Beyonce it will do very well. She’s a great singer, and I admire the fact that she doesn’t spoil her records with endless vocal runs just because she can do them. Radio will be all over this track. 3/5
D'Luv: Is it me, or does this sound like La Bouche's "You Won't Forget Me"? While I couldn't give a toss about this overrated ho, the probably-nonexistent tie to that late '90s jam gets it a: 4/5
Mike: Beyoncé creeps into Rihanna's urban dance territory with the skill of a ninja and gives that sad wannabe a worse beat down than Chris Brown in the process. "Sweet Dreams" is amazing - great production, evocative lyrics and a very sexy video. Now can we please have "Radio" or "Smash Into You" as the 27th single from "Sasha Fierce"? 5/5
Pablo: The song is good. I like it, really. But seriously I'm tired of Beyonce + 2 girls dancing. It's enough. 3/5
Paul: God help me but I'm really starting to like Beyonce! Oh my days! I wouldn't say that this is her most poptastic number but I do quite like this and am starting to consider even checking her album out. I thought the chorus was a bit bland at first, but by the end of the song I was singing along "turn the lights off" with the rest of them. 3.5/5
Rob: It's incredibly hard for me to be objective about Beyonce. Only because I find her voice grating. I think she is the worse thing ever to appear on the pop scene since whenever. I am constantly open to Sasha and her other alter egos. I always try to see why she sells so much. Why she wins so many appraisals. But alas I am at a loss. With the random exception of that song she did for Goldmember I can't seem to like this singer and this single doesn't change a thing. Absolutely crap. 0/5
The Prophet: LeToya's sophomore album "Lady Love" is now in stores and her new single "She Ain't Got..." is currently available for purchase on iTunes. 4/5
Total: 22.5/35


SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Bluey Robinson - I Know (below)

Debut single from upcoming British urban pop star Bluey.

Alan Connor: Very eye catching video. It’s probably the best of the videos here. Generally I am not into urban at all but I thought this was very good. He’s a strong, emotive singer with a good range. Chorus is memorable, production is top notch and I particularly like the driving force of the drums. I think he’ll be one to watch for and this I think is my pick of the bunch. A hit. Off to look up who produced this now!!! 5/5
D'Luv: Pretty decent, but the chorus feels lazy. Bluey should have spent more time with a pad and pen and less time on his wig. 3/5
Mike: Credit for this selection has to go to The Prophet. He posted it on his blog a few weeks ago and I've been obsessed with it ever since. It's so warm, uplifting and ruthlessly catchy. One of the better debut singles in recent memory. 5/5
Pablo: What is this? Those clothes? That Little Boots background? That red-haired girl? And this song? 1/5
Paul: Blimey. At first I thought who paid you to put this on the list (OVER PRESTON! Look I can shout too Mr Prophet) but then he wears a bow tie in the video so I thought I'll give it a go... It's quite insiduous in that it does get under your skin the more you hear it. He's got quite a nice voice too so overall j'approve. 3.5/5
Rob: Fuck me! This is brilliantly simple. This has made me change all my other rankings. Its so cute. There are shades of Tyler James in this and I wouldn't be surprised to know that he had a hand in Mr.Robinson's material. A great new act to watch out for. I love it. 5/5
The Prophet: Words cannot describe this, but my score can. 5/5
Total: 27.5/35


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