I can't believe that cunt from Westlife. Why is he still inflicting his flop solo career on Australia? Surely the mountain of unsold CDs gathering dust in Dulta's S&M dungeon is enough of a hint that nobody gives a shit? Obviously not because the douchebag is back with a new single and it is the most heinous thing to violate my ears thus far in 2011. "Just The Way You Are (Drunk At The Bar)" is every bit as tragic as the title suggests. Brian's love affair with autotune is still going strong - only this time he's thrown in an annoying banjo sample and dedicated the anthem to the charming topic of date rape. I wish I was joking. He kicks things off innocently enough by singing "I like you just the way you are, drunk as shit dancing at the bar" before uttering the creepy line "jump into the back seat of my car, cause I like it and I can't wait to get you home so I can take advantage". Lovely. Perhaps they can give away a free sample of Rohypnol with every copy? I'll need a supply in case this musical abortion takes off. Almost as unappetising as the lyrics is Brian's pathetic attempt at rapping and the fact that this is basically a cheap copy of Enrique's "Tonight (I'm Fuckin' You)". Seriously, how low can this shady Irishman go?Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Dulta Visit pop music records for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Choosing the year's worst videos was like picking up in a brothel. Too fucking easy. It seems that everyone dropped their bundle in 2010 and dished up pile after pile of steaming shit. I avoided choosing the videos that stank due to budget restrictions - actually most of those made my best of countdown - because there's only so much you can do with $20 and an iPhone. Instead, I focused on clips that had the resources to be so much better. I should also point out that I'm strictly talking about the visuals. I love most of these songs. In fact, many of them will feature on my best singles of 2010 countdown. But that's still no excuse for inflicting the following crimes against humanity upon us!
I really couldn't decide whether to put this in my best or worst videos of 2010 countdown. The direction and cinematography are absolutely stunning and Lady Gaga deserves props for wearing a latex nun's habit without looking like she's just escaped from an insane asylum. My problem with "Alejandro" is that it's all been done before. This video is like looking inside Madonna's brain circa 1989. There's the religious symbolism that permeated her entire "Like A Prayer" album, the industrial setting of "Express Yourself" and even the pre-historic diva's pointy bra. Hell, she even lifted the dance routine from "Vogue"! I'm sure the clip is revolutionary if you're 15 and didn't experience the real deal but it gives the rest of us a serious case of deja vu.
This clip sums up everything that's wrong with Kylie at the moment. She's completely lost touch with the people that buy - or would potentially buy - her music. You have a ridiculously catchy song about flirting with guys at the club to make your lame arse boyfriend jealous and Dannii's much older sister films a high art video wearing Gaultier couture in which she stands around on chairs like a hypnotised meerkat. I honestly believe if she had pulled on some jeans and made a fun clip that even remotely related to the song, the middle aged housewives and suburban gays that comprise the bulk of her fanbase would have come to the party. Instead she impressed ten fashionistas in Paris. Good job.
8. Skin I'm In - Static Revenger featuring Luciana (Video)
Now this pains me. I worship at the church of Luciana and can legitimately lay claim to being her number one fan. She's also a good friend of mine and I fucking LOVE this song. But there's no denying that the video is completely rancid. It's cheap, visually boring and makes a genuinely stunning woman look like a 49 year old bus driver. Then there's the small matter of Static Revenger hogging the spotlight, the ugly extras and redundant special effects. "I Like That" was literally filmed for 500 pounds by Luci's hairdresser and it stands up against anything funded by a major label. This, on the other hand, is just rank.
7. The Way You Love Me - Keri Hilson featuring Rick Ross (Video)
Any video that features cameos from Jojo, Faith Evans and Dawn as Charlie's Angels-esque special agents should be genre defining. And "The Way You Love Me" starts promisingly enough. That is until Miskeried (as she's known to Bey stans) strips off and takes pussy popping choreography to previously unimagined depths. This shit would make a gynaecologist blush. Seriously, bitch - put it the fuck away! I don't want to see your bony arse grinding away like a ten dollar hooker on Meth and I really don't want to catch an accidental glimpse of your grand canyon. Nasty!
Yet another great song undone by a disastrous clip. "Licky" was filmed at the height of Lady Gaga mania and her influence can be seen in every outfit Shontelle wears. Unfortunately, instead of making the rich man's Rihanna look cool and edgy - they have the unfortunate side effect of making her look like a man. Seriously, I've seen drag queens without make up look more feminine that Shontelle in this clip. The scene where she's strolling down the street dressed as some kind of tranny pimp could explain the number 81 chart placing of her fabulous album.
Seeing the convicted criminal from Girls Aloud impersonate Sophie Ellis-Bextor in "Promise This" was offensive enough but the mind numbingly dull "Halo"-by-the-sea video for her latest flop borders on inhumane. With nothing else to look at apart from pop music's most infamous charisma free zone, you are forced to listen to her paper thin voice and compute shiteous lyrics like "turn the lights out in the lighthouse". Ear rape has never been quite as soul destroying.
How do you blow a sure fire hit that had the internet in a frenzy from the minute it leaked? Easy. Hire the world's worst special effects team, rope in an ugly French DJ to make a completely unnecessary cameo and come up with the lamest dual personality storyline in the history of modern music complete with extras wearing gas marks. Oh and throw in some bad choreography for good measure as well as a selection of outfits that Kelly probably stole from a charity bin outside the House of Dereon.
2. Get Em Girls - Jessica Mauboy featuring Snoop Dog (Video)
Poor Jessica. She must have thought she had it made when Sony sent her over to LA to film "Get Em Girls" with Hype Williams - the man behind Bey's "Videophone" and Ke$ha's "We R Who We R". But instead of the iconic clip she was hoping for, the diva ended up with a video so bad it almost killed her career and sunk her album before it was even released. The whole thing is just so tacky, forced and unconvincing. Seeing Jess awkwardly stumble down a runway in some of the worst ensembles in fashion history is truly painful to behold and I can't decide if Snoop looks more bored or embarrassed. Happily, the success of "Saturday Night" has turned things around for Australia's new Queen of crunk but this will live on in infamy for all the wrong reasons.
1. Mistakes - Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem (below)
If nothing else this clip answers a question I've long pondered over. What happens when two gigantic cunts collide?
People are cruel. I had mercifully managed to avoid this repugnant piece of filth until now - largely due to the fact that it's flopping worse than "Bionic". But then a vindictive bitch tricked me into watching the video clip over the weekend and I've been trying to exorcise it from my mind ever since. Hopefully this post is a cathartic experience that allows me to put the shattered pieces of my life back together! Legislation seriously needs to be introduced banning Brian and Dulta from recording another duet. "Almost Here" was a crime against humanity and "Mistakes" is even worse. The gruesome twosome's latest adventure is a lame song about love gone wrong. They probably thought it was witty to sing about hating each other but the rest of us just thought that Brian had a rare moment of clarity. There is absolutely no point to this. Well, apart from the obvious last ditch attempt at boosting sales of McFadden's flop album. "Mistakes" is a generic piece of trash, they sound shit together and no one really gives a fuck about either of them anymore. The smug video just makes the whole experience all the more unbearable. Australia's least favourite couple spend the clip throwing things at each other before burning my retinas by making out like born again Christians at a bible bash. Is this supposed to be edgy and cool? I don't know what's worse - Brian's hair or Dulta's incredibly bad acting. Unless Cheryl Cole releases a Christmas single with Satan, I think the year's worst song and video is well and truly upon us.
This week saw the release of Toni Braxton's 6th studio album "Pulse". And to my great surprise - given the dubious singles - it's a rather lovely return to form. I'll get around to reviewing it eventually but I can no longer restrain myself from commenting on her potentially career ending decision to cover a Delta Goodrem track. Seriously, was the Pia Zadora back catalogue too expensive? Admittedly, "Woman" isn't the worst song Dulta has ever recorded - probably because she didn't write it. Which means there are no bad metaphors or "inspirational" lyrics about overcoming obstacles in order to live your dreams. In fact, it's quite pretty but I still think the track should be gathering dust on 2007's biggest international flop. Toni's reputation has been tarnished by association. I guess it's not her fault. A superstar of her stature can't be expected to know every Z grade vocalist in the music industry but it is embarrassing and raises the question of who did it better.
If it took you longer than five seconds to shout TONI BRAXTON then click on the little red cross on the top of the page and fuck off. There hasn't been a debate this redundant since the time that sad Janatic otherwise known as The Prophet had the nerve to maintain that La Toya isn't the most talented Jackson. Whatever! Toni has this in a first round KO. First of all, she can actually sing. That gloriously deep voice is a thing of beauty and her pipes are still smoother than Kylie's forehead. The less glamorous Braxton injects "Woman" with some much needed soul and emotion. Dulta's decade of after school singing lessons can't compete against raw natural talent. Then there's the fact that the lyrics actually suit a lady of a certain vintage. I know it's hard to believe that Toni is a day over 25 given her flawless complexion and endless sex appeal but she's almost twice Dulta's age and that brings a certain gravitas to the proceedings. I believe her pain. She has decades of failed relationships to draw from. Last but not least is the production. Toni's version is slick yet soulful. The original, by comparison, sounds like it was recorded on the lap top Dulta bought for half price at Bing Lee's last clearance sale. We have a winner!
If you're stone deaf or just deluded, here are 5 more irrefutable reasons why Toni Braxton is better than Dulta:
1. Toni only sounds like she has a dick in her mouth when she sings. 2. Ms Braxton has never been penetrated by Brian McFadden. To my knowledge. 3. She is related to this heavenly goddess:
The Irish cunt better known for sticking it to Dulta is currently sitting at #1 on the Australian Singles Chart. I thought Cheryl Cole's recent top ten hit was a sure sign that the apocalypse is nigh but this is too much. "Just Say So" has to be the worst #1 since Brian's disgusting fuck-toy topped the chart with "Not Me, Not I" back in 2003. Who exactly is buying this shit? Seriously, I demand an explanation! The song's only redeeming factor is the farcical use of autotune, which mercifully distorts McFadden's voice beyond recognition. Everything else about this abomination is unbearable. I don't know what's worse - the dumb lyrics, rubbish chorus or incredibly dated production. Kevin Rudolph was clearly taking the piss because the man knows his way around a good pop song as he proved on Matisse's genre defining anthem "Better Than Her". The worst thing about "Just Say So" is the possibility that it will encourage Dulta to release new material. Which is more than I can handle. Brian has worked with some interesting names - specifically, the amazing DNA boys - on his nauseatingly titled "Wall Of Soundz" album, so hopefully it's not a total write off. But I'm not holding my breath. If you're a complete masochistic, why not check out the shiteous video (video). It features the worst dance routine in recent memory and has single-handedly ruined The Ivy's pool bar for me. For life.
