Solange - I Decided

It's no secret that I have a bit of a fetish for less successful celebrity siblings. Laura Imbruglia, La Toya Jackson and Dannii have all featured prominently on Pop Trash Addicts and I recently opened my heart to the musical genius that is Ashlee Simpson. Well, it's time to usher a new floptastic sister into the fold - welcome aboard, Solange Knowles! I've always had a soft spot for this poor bitch. While Beyonce has spent most of the decade selling millions and collecting awards, all Solange has managed to do is get knocked up and release an album that fell down the charts faster than Dannii's knickers at a lesbian bar. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, Solange was reduced to making a cameo appearance in a Destiny's Child video clip (at approximately 3:30 mins) and "starring" in Z grade movies like the straight to video classic "Bring It On: All Or Nothing". Yes, it must be cold there in Beyonce's shadow but at least she has Kelly Rowland to keep her company!

Mercifully, this sorry tale of woe appears to have a happy ending. Solange not only found a niche as a very impressive songwriter (Beyonce's "Get Me Bodied" and Michelle Williams' incredibly fabulous "We Break The Dawn") but she's also back with a new track of her own - and for the first time in her career, she could have a hit on her hands! "I Decided" is breathtakingly good. Solange has obviously spent a lot of time listening to Motown because the song is a veritable tribute to sweet soul music of the 60s and 70s. The glorious Freemasons Remix wouldn't sound out of place on a Supremes compilation! This really should have been the version promoted to radio. The minimalisn of the Neptunes produced original takes a bit of getting used to but it's still very appealing. Make sure you check out the amazing video (below). Beyonce wishes she could come up with something this fabulous! Solange's second album, intriguingly titled "Sol-Angel And The Hadley Street Dreams", is released in August.


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Ashlee Simpson - Bittersweet World

After weeks of living a lie, the time has come to kick my way out of closet. Yes bitches, I'm finally ready to admit to the world that I am an Ashlee Simpson fan. Sweet baby Jesus, give me courage! I'm sure some of you will be appalled by my shocking confession but there's really no need to stage an intervention. I know how shit she is and I simply don't care. I've always thought that charisma and vocal talent were highly overrated qualities in a pop star and Ashlee proves me right with her stunning new album. "Bittersweet World" has renewed my waning faith in American pop music and (temporarily) disproves my theory that Timbaland is the spawn of Satan, brought forth from the depths of hell to strip our favourite divas of all their remaining dignity. Most importantly, the poster child for natural beauty and artistic integrity has singlehandedly brought the fun back to popular music with her trashy batch of pop gems. I feel like a new man since humbly opening my heart to dear Ashlee and I implore you to welcome this beacon of light into your own life!

I've enjoyed the occasional single over the years ("Pieces Of Me" and "Boyfriend" come to mind) but I never really paid much attention to Ashlee the popstar. I wanted to like her given my penchant for craptastic celebrity siblings with plastic surgery addictions (hello Dannii & La Toya!) but the majority of her songs belong in the same waste disposal unit as Avril Lavigne's entire back catalogue. Needless to say, I was more than a bit surprised when the first single from "Bittersweet World" turned out to be very good indeed. "Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)" reinvents Ashlee as the poor man's Gwen Stefani, which I'm sure you'll agree is a huge improvement! Sounding like a cross between Soft Cell and Devo, Timbaland has crafted one of the year's catchiest pop tunes. As much as I enjoy the album's first single, I only decided to buy "Bittersweet World" after randomly hearing "Boys" at the supermarket! I know I say it in every second post but this could well be my favourite song of 2008. People Magazine describes "Boys" as "the best Kylie Minogue song that Kylie never did" and I see the likeness. The playful lyrics and addictive chorus wouldn't be out of place on "X" but I think the obvious influence is Blondie. I love the warmth of the instrumentation and the production is just exquisite. Chad Hugo (the other half of The Neptunes) and Kenna camouflage Ashlee's glorious reed thin voice perfectly, making her sound like a new woman. Fuck off, haters - this is flawless pop!

The rest of the album isn't too bad either. The experimentation continues with the quirky "Rule Breaker", a cute anthem about Ashlee's naughty ways. Timbland throws in a multitude of catchy hooks and the unconvincing lyrics are downright amusing. I just don't buy Ashlee as a bad girl. I'm guessing the most rebellious thing she's done lately is using Pete's hair iron as a dildo. After a hugely innovative beginning, "Bittersweet World" settles into more familiar territory with "No Time For Tears". Strangely, it doesn't suck. In fact,this crunchy mix of guitars and beats is probably my second favourite song on the album. I love the uplifting chorus and the lyrics appeal to me. The album's first real misstep is the ill advised second single. "Little Miss Obsessive" just sounds like every other mid-tempo slice of soft rock on American radio. It's not awful, just generic and uninspired. Thankfully, the same can't be said about "Ragdoll" and the album's title track. I have so much more time for Timbaland when he tries to breathe new life into an artist's existing style (ie. Nelly Furtado) as opposed to carelessly throwing them onto his conveyor belt of lifeless urban pop (ie. Madonna). "Ragdoll" takes Ashlee's rock sound and freshens it up with layers of beats, while "Bittersweet World" adds an element of Madness inspired ska into the mix. Both sound completely different to Ashlee's usual output without turning her into something she's not.

"What I've Become" is one of the more personal songs on "Bittersweet World". Ashlee sings "it's so strange that all these blessings could be a curse", making this an obvious response to all the disgusting haters who ridicule her every move. Keep your chin up, my sweet cherub! "What I've Become" is also of note as the most straightforward rock track that Timbland has ever produced. Things get a little crazy from here on in. "Hot Stuff" is just bizarre - Ashlee opens with the sure to be immortal lyric "I walk into your joint with a hoodie on, don't need a short skirt to get it on" before singing some crap about being drunk and lifting her legs in the air. I love it! Chad Hugo uses every trick from the Neptunes handbook on this memorable number. Not to be outdone, Timbaland's "Murder" (unsuccessfully) attempts to throw in what can only be described as an urban rock number. It doesn't work but it certainly is interesting. "Bittersweet World" concludes with a fairly insipid ballad ("Never Dream Alone"), which is a shame because the bonus tracks are fantastic. "Invisible" was actually released as an American single in 2006 and still holds up as one of Ashlee's best guitar pop anthems, while "Follow You Wherever You Go" has to be heard to be believed! This piss take is sung from the perspective of a stalker, complete with anecdotes about kidnapping a supermodel and several bizarre spoken interludes. "Bittersweet World" isn't a masterpiece but it is a hell of a lot of fun. Treat yourself to this most guilty of pleasures.

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Dannii-tastic!

I am getting old. I recently came across a Young Talent Time fanzine that I purchased with my pocket money back in 1988. That's 19 fucking years ago!! It's only a matter of time before I start buying Michael Crawford CDs and need a walking stick. I can only hope to age as gracefully as Dannii, who is still a vision of youthful loveliness all these years later. I have literally been a Holidannii fan for as long as I can remember. It's quite amazing really.

The fanzine features a lovely article about Dannii, which contains some truly fabulous pics and wonderful quotes. According to the article, Dannii's favourite hobby is kayaking (!) and she was apparently planning on having a "I Should Be So Lucky" sized hit of her own. Poor, poor Dannii. Check out the article and pics at Dannii's Dirty Box. By the way, how gorgeous is the above photo of Dannii and Natalie Miller (Kylie's preferred backing vocalist)? Those skirts are divine! The pic of Dannii with her curling iron also had me in stitches!

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La Toya's "Hit" - I Don't Play That

As a loud and proud Toy Soldier (see my La Toya dictionary), it deeply pains me to speak ill of the most talented Jackson to emerge from the hallowed grounds of Havenhurst. I firmly believe that Toy Toy is the most underrated pop singer in musical history. Which other act has released 9 phenomenal albums over the space of 20 years, yet has no hits to show for it? This all seemed destined to change when "Startin' Over" leaked last year to a rapturous fan reception. "Startin' Over" was one of my 10 favourite albums of 2006 and her stunning ode to the Jackson family, "Home", was my favourite song. La Toya looked certain to finally emerge from the shadow of her siblings in 2007 with a re-worked version of "Startin Over" and a hot reality TV series, "Armed & Famous".

However, in true toytastic style, La Toya's show was cancelled - just as she had recorded an appalling song called "Armed & Famous" to cash in on the series. Instead of scrapping the song and retaining her dignity, La Toya and her ingenious label decided to simply change the song's title to "I Don't Play That" and re-launch La Toya's career with a novelty song about La Toya's escapades as a celebrity policewoman. "I Don't Play That" is wrong on so many levels, that it is something of a craptastic masterpiece. A 50 year old woman singing about her glock is rather amusing, particularly when La Toya's only experience with crime was posing as a transsexual prostitute in order to arrest johns on a reality TV show. However, I am one of the few people who don't consider La Toya to be a joke and it pains me that all the good work she has done over the past couple of years is being undone by this stinker.

But what do I know? The song is actually gaining some airplay and it is currently sitting at #331 on the Billboard R'n'B charts - by La Toya's standards that is a veritable smash hit! Furthermore, Toy's useless record company has even made this hilarious internet advertisement to promote the song. For La Toya's sake, I hope it's a hit. I just have my fingers crossed that this is a small blip on an otherwise fabulous career.Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Craptastic%20Siblings
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Laura Imbruglia - Pop Genius

My love for all things Laura Imbruglia has only grown deeper after finally getting my hands on her second EP "My Dream Of A Magical Washing Machine". Laura's sound has changed quite radically from her debut EP, which was an acoustic set dedicated to the Carpenters. This time around, the most talented Imbruglia sister pays homage to Freddie Mercury (see the "Ready Freddie" label on the single cover). The result is a more robust sound that still remains true to Laura's unique brand of harmony drenched, literate pop.

The title track also appears on Laura's brilliant debut album and stands out as a genuine pop oddity. It goes without saying that this is the only song ever written about "a washing machine that doubles as a jukebox". It's also highly likely that it is the only ditty to name check both the Pet Shop Boys and Russell Crowe's band, 30 Odd Foot Of Grunt. While there are many acts that specialise in bizarre and obtuse lyrics, I never get the feeling that Laura is desperately trying to show off her intellect - unlike a latter day Tori Amos or Bjork, to name just two regular culprits. Laura never allows her quirky sensibility get in the way of a catchy chorus or sweet harmonies. For that reason alone, Laura Imbruglia stands out as a shiny oasis in the putrid sea of pretentious singer/songwriters.

If the song "My Dream Of A Magical Washing Machine" is a respectful nod to Freddie, then "Two Cockatoos" is very much a throwback to her first, Carpenters inspired EP. The song is little more than a demo that was recorded in Laura's home but it stands out as one of the most arresting songs that I have stumbled across this year (even if it was released in 2005). Basically, Laura has written a gorgeous little song about killing her mentally ill bird because it refused to drink tap water. It sounds wrong on so many levels but "Two Cockatoos" is a demented masterpiece. If you ignore Laura's heavy Australian accent and the bizarre lyrics, "Two Cockatoos" could easily be mistaken for the kind of gentle guitar pop that was being churned out en masse in California in the 1970s. The chirping bird sounds and harmonic backing vocals bring forth images of another place and time. Laura is swiftly becoming one of my favourite singers, I can't wait to hear what the Napoleon Dynamite of pop serves up next!

If you like what you hear, you can still buy the EP at Chaos. Laura's debut album can be purchased from Sanity and Chaos.Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Craptastic%20Siblings
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Laura Imbruglia's Craptastic Promo!

Laura Imbruglia has to stop pulling stunts like this before I turn to the dark side and become an alternative queen! Laura's image as the Australian Napoleon Dynamite is absolutely inspired. Her latest stroke of genius is this amazing flyer, which is currently gracing the Sydney street press. I must be "kahrayzy" too but I love it! Ms Imbruglia has taken craptastic publicity to previously unimagined new heights. Even La Toya Jackson would draw the line at giving Microsoft Paint a shout out! Laura, I salute you.Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Craptastic%20Siblings
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Laura Imbruglia - Mind Reader?

A psychiatrist would have a field day analysisng my obsession with craptastic pop siblings. My CD collection (and this Blog) is littered with La Toya Jackson, Dannii Minogue and now, Laura Imbruglia. Yes, Laura is Natalie Imbruglia's younger sister. Although, a surname is about the only thing the sisters have in common. While Natalie galavants around the world making bad movies and selling face cream, Laura has been playing gigs in small pubs all over Sydney and slowly building up a devoted following. It only took one concert for me to fall under Laura's spell and I've been addicted ever since.

Laura Imbruglia's music is a strange mix of gorgeous harmonies, Indie minimalism and witty lyrics. Laura is kind of like the Australian Jenny Wilson, only she doesn't try as hard and has a better voice. I'm not sure why I love Laura so much because I usually can't stand the kind of music she makes. I would rather stick needles in my eyes than purchase an album that "The Drum Media" recommends but I have bought both of Laura's EPs and her album. Laura simply has an ability to write songs about topics that I identify with - like being a homebody, dreaming about white goods and working with gay vegans! Not only that but anyone who dedicates their music to The Carpenters is obviously not your typical Indie troll. I'm convinced Laura Imbruglia is reading my mind. In fact, I think Laura would make my perfect fag hag. We could snuggle up under her Oxfam rug, eating Tim Tams and listening to The Carpenters. I would try to politely suggest she do something with her hair, while she would berate me for liking Karen's disco album. However, we would get over it in time to sing along to the chorus of "Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft". Call me, Laura!

This post will only focus on Laura's debut EP "It Makes A Crunchy Noise". I'll cover her amazing album and other material soon. I love every song on "It Makes A Crunchy Noise", so it's difficult to decide what to share. I already posted Laura's internet dating opus, "Don't Stray From My Site" in one of my resolution posts. I'm sure I'm not the only person who shares Laura's fear of ending up an MSN buddy! Another favourite song is "Ornithophobia", otherwise known as "The Cicada Song". Do kids still collect Cicadas? The song reminds me of being 8 years old and walking around with an ice-cream tub full of chirping insects... maybe it's an Australian thing. In any case, I'm sure this is the only song to ever rhyme "exoskeleton parts" with "insect heart"! If that sounds too weird for you, I highly recommend Laura's ode to gay vegans, "Lettuce & Anarchists". It's gorgeous and hilarious.

If you like what you hear, you can still buy "It Makes A crunchy Noise" from Chaos. Laura's debut album is also out now and is available from all the usual places.

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La Toya's Sexbox

I've mentioned La Toya Jackson's "Sexbox" several times, so I thought it was about time I shared the song in case you haven't experienced its splendour. "Sexbox" is arguably Toy's biggest hit, rocketing into the Dutch top 30 in the early 90s! The song is so hilarious that it defies any kind of serious analysis. The producers have thrown in a sample of Madonna's "Like A Virgin", a dose of bad 90s rapping and some of La Toya's most fabulous lyrics.

If Toy's "Sexbox" gets your juices flowing, hunt down "No Relations", which includes "Sexbox", the Grammy nominated "Reggae Nights" and La Toya's leather queen anthem "Submission". "No Relations" can be found pretty easily on Ebay and I think Amazon might still have a few copies in stock.

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Street Fighter, Dannii

Following on with this week's Minogue theme, here are some crappy screen caps from an amusing Dannii spoof I saw recently. This comes from series 3 of "Full Frontal", an Australian sketch comedy TV series best known for launching the career of Eric Bana. The segment would have probably aired in 1995 and starts with a report about Kylie's performance in "Street Fighter". The reporter states that the director originally cast Dannii in Kylie’s role but changed his mind when he saw the rushes and received the catering costs - ouch! Remember, this was during Dannii's supposed "fat" period. Personally, I think she's always been a vision!



The reporter then shows a clip of footage said to be the Dannii version of Streetfighter, which begins with Eric Bana playing Jean-Claude's role and Julia Morris playing Dannii. Eric spots a group of thugs with weapons and tries to hold Dannii back. Dannii pushes Eric aside and scares off the thugs by singing "This Is It" and doing the song's famous dance routine. The highlight for me (I'm easily amused) is when Dannii turns around and frightens the thugs away with her huge butt. It's puerile and not as funny as the send up of "Love & Kisses" (changed to "Famous Sister" - with the fabulous lyrics "And Kylie is so happy, 'cause she sounds good next to me! All you need is a famous sister, a famous sister for me!") on "Fast Forward".

Isn't it funny to think that Eric Bana began his glittering career performing in Dannii Minogue spoofs! Eric's career is not the only thing that has improved with time. He went from:

=========================>GROT


========================>to HOT!

Sorry that you have to click on the links to see the pics but I think they must be too big for my blog. I tried uploading them on the main page but they just don't work. You can pre-order "Full Frontal Series 3" soon at Sanity. Series 1 and 2 are already available.

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Feel Her Funk - La Toya Part 1

This is a very personal post for me because La Toya Jackson is one of my very favourite people on this planet. La Toya (or Toy as she is known to her tens of fans around the globe!) represents everything I love in a celebrity - fame, shame and a good comeback. I could probably write a novel about La Toya's contribution to trash culture but there is more to La Toya than her riveting Playboy spreads, fabulous plastic surgery and attention grabbing behaviour - her brilliant and almost entirely overlooked musical career.

It would take me several days to reflect on Toy's musical legacy, so I'll do it one album at a time. It seems fitting to start with Toy's debut album, 1980's "La Toya Jackson" because it has recently been re-issued by Cherry Pop largely due to the loving effort and dedication of La Toya's astonishing fansite - The Church Of La Toya. The Church is worth visiting even if you have extremely poor taste and do not admire this living treasure. Very few fansites show such creativity and originality. Toy's church is indeed holy ground and she is blessed to have dedicated fans like Max and Jamie.

Back to the album! "La Toya Jackson" is an inspired debut that has stood the test of time. Here is a copy of the (slightly overexcited) review I submitted to www.amazon.co.uk!



La Toya Jackson is one of the most criminally underappreciated artists in the history of music. The reason for this is an eternal mystery to Toy Soldiers around the globe: La Toya has the looks, attitude and stunning vocal ability to match it with anyone in the business. However, through some sad twist of fate La Toya's albums have mostly faded into obscurity - until now!

"La Toya Jackson" is the timely re-release of La Toya's magnificent debut album, which was greeted with much enthusiasm by critics and fans upon its original 1980 release. The album includes contributions from a long list of RnB luminaries and represents a compelling mix of RnB funk, disco beats and luscious ballads. This album is a triumph for La Toya and holds up wonderfully 26 years later.

The album begins with La Toya's much loved "If You Feel The Funk". This was a minor hit on the RnB chart and remains a fan favourite. I guarantee that you won't be the same after feeling La Toya's funk! The next track, "Save Your Love" is a personal favourite. This is disco Toy at her funkiest, pleading with her man to save his love while she's on the road. "Are You Ready" is another great example of an RnB groove, 80s style. Next comes "Night Time Lover", La Toya's infamous duet with her brother, Michael. If you can overcome the slightly disturbing imagery of siblings singing about touching each other in the dark, then this is a winner! Toy proves herself to be more than Michael's equal with her erotically charged performance.

"A Taste Of You (Is A Taste Of Love)" is the album's first ballad and showcases La Toya's tremendous vocal range. This is followed by "Lovely Is She", one of Toy's most appealing mid-tempo ballads. The lyrics could not describe La Toya more perfectly - "lovely is she, beautiful and charming". The album closes with the deep groove of "If I Ain't Got It". This song is full of attitude and contains an unforgettable baseline that will have you hooked from the first listen.

"La Toya Jackson" is a great album, from beginning to end. It is a great starting point for people who have yet to fall under La Toya's irresistible spell, while for Toy's millions of devoted fans, this re-release will more than help to fill the void until the release of "Startin' Over", La Toya's much anticipated new album.

As a footnote, I should add that "Startin' Over" is still unreleased. However, I'll get to that later. The "Startin' Over" saga is more entertaining than "The Bold & The Beautiful" and "Days Of Our Lives" combined! In the meantime, here are some divine Toy tracks to cherish. If you like what you hear, please buy the album at Amazon or Play.


Remember to visit Toy's Church and say hello at Toy's forum!


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