Showing posts with label Jacksons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jacksons. Show all posts

La Toya reclaims Queen of Pop throne

    In news that will make Toy Soldiers weep tears of joy and relief, the pretty and talented Jackson sister has released new music for the first time in over a decade. It doesn't matter that the 6 of the 7 songs on La Toya's stunning autobiography soundtrack EP were recorded in 2002 and leaked in 2006. That's just how Toy rolls! "Starting Over" is the easily the best Jackson album since "Thriller" but the tracklist is a bit perplexing.

    What the hell is "Mafia Style" doing on there instead of her iconic smash (in waiting) "Player"? I'm also gutted that Toy Toy's exquisite calypso anthem "Tropical Breeze" missed the cut but at least "No More Drama" and "Just Wanna Dance" - which, in true Toy style, has been mislabelled "Jut Wanna Dance" - were included! The highlight, however, has to be the legendary beauty's new song.

    "Starting Over" raises pop music to glorious new heights that derivative flops like Janet could only dream of. While the rest of the music industry is busy recycling the 80s, La Toya revisits the mid-noughties with intentionally dated beats (lifted straight from her Star Ice jingle) and delivers exquisite lyrics like "say what you wanna say, just live your life straight or gay!" Lady Gaga could never.

    Here is the full tracklist:

    Mafia Style (Skit)
    Should've Left You
    No More Drama
    Don't Want You No More
    Free The World
    Just Wanna Dance
    Starting Over


    "Starting Over (Songs Inspired By The Book)" is available to download now from Australian iTunes. Make sure to write a positive review when you buy it. I've already thrown in my 2 cents! To get an idea of the aural treat that awaits you, here's "Free The World" - La Toya's heartbreaking response to September 11. La Toya's Grammy nominated songwriting genius is on full display in this modern classic and her vocal makes Adele sound like Ashanti. Goodbye pretenders. The Queen is back!

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A taste of La Toya

    The first taste of La Toya's pioneering autobiography soundtrack EP is finally here! "Starting Over" sounds like it was recorded in 2003 - and it probably was - but that doesn't stop the future #1 smash (on the bubbling under of the Billboard dance radio airplay chart) from being one of the year's finest singles. I love the perky beat and Toy Toy's Grammy winning lyrical genius is on full display:

    All on my own and I'm finally startin' over,
    Tonight let's celebrate until I say this party's over


    Janet who? And then there's the stunning breakdown that gives me shivers and an erection. You will well and truly feel her funk when the pope of pop unleashes the full power of her one octave range vocals and sassily sings:

    I don't need no cure, there ain't no lookin' back
    I don't need no cure, no I don't have regrets


    Bring on the rest of the EP! I think we can safely say that La Toya has album and single of the year already in the bag. Listen to a preview of her next first hit below.

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La Toya's pioneering new album!

    La Toya Jackson has always been a marketing genius. Not that it has ever actually resulted in any success but that's beside the point. This is a woman who released an album called "Bad Girl" while her brother was still promoting "Bad". A diva who posed nude on the cover of "Stop! In The Name Of Love" to remind people that she was once in Playboy. An entrepreneur who opened a psychic hotline despite possessing no psychic ability. Yes, Toy Soldiers - our glorious leader has always been at the forefront of publicity whoring and that trend continues with her decade-in-the-making "Starting Over" album. Instead of merely releasing her sure-to-be Grammy nominated opus on its own, Toy Toy is plugging it as the soundtrack to her latest autobiography. Also titled "Starting Over".

    The book, which is now available to pre-order from Amazon, sounds like a truly toytastic read. According to the blurb:

    "La Toya Jackson was always closer to Michael than anyone knew. In this heartfelt memoir, she pays tribute to his tortured soul — revealing the intimate moments she shared with the deeply troubled pop legend. The first sibling to arrive at the hospital after Michael was rushed there, and the informant on his death certificate, La Toya noticed suspicious details and demanded a second autopsy. For the first time, she unveils shocking behind-the-scenes dealings that she believes led to her brother's death."

    No doubt Toy will add a Pulitzer Prize to her already impressive CV before the end of the year! The soundtrack, which is set for release on June 21, is apparently an EP of older tracks. Never fear, Janet's prettier sister is just being resourceful. Apparently the ageless beauty has a second album of new material on the way with a single scheduled for July. The excitement is almost more than I can handle! If her haunting soundtrack album does contain older material - I'm guessing it will feature her stunning Michael Jackson tribute "Home" - then I hope "No More Drama" makes the cut. I've been playing this stunning gem a lot lately. Not only is the YouTube clip a work of genius but Toy was rocking the urban dance sound 8 years before Rihanna. It even includes the legendary lyric "like Jan said I'm in control". A pioneer, I tell you!

    Via Toy Experience.

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La Toya is finally startin' over - No, really.

    I still remember the first time I heard La Toya's "Just Wanna Dance". It was late 2003. Kylie's "Slow" was number one and I was pretty much just listening to that track on repeat. Out of the blue I received an email saying Toy Toy was embarking on her 217th comeback and I spent the next few days hunting it down. When I finally found an mp3, I was almost too scared to play it. After the final nail in her career coffin otherwise known as "Stop In The Name Of Love", I was prepared for just about anything BUT the best pop song of the year. "Just Wanna Dance" - with its iconic gender-bending lyrics and catchy vocal hooks - became an internet sensation and when the song climbed all the way to number 13 (on the US club chart), it looked like La Toya was on the brink of scoring her very first hit. A mere 24 years after releasing her debut single!

    Unfortunately, the legendarily inept Ja-Tail Records never got around to filming a video or releasing it or its equally amazing parent album "Startin' Over". To be honest, I thought the version that leaked in 2005 would be the closest we'll ever get to hearing it but Janet's prettier sister has promised the New York Post that it will hit iTunes by the end of 2011! As pigs flew over Ja-Tail HQ and hell froze over, La Toya revealed: "You are going to hear new music from me – because the fans keep asking for it. I'm doing an album called Startin' Over that I've been starting over forever! I'm going to put that out before the year is over and then I'm done with music."

    Before you start weeping over the last sentence. I'd take it with a grain of salt. Toy Toy has music in her blood and I have a sneaking suspicion she'll still be showing hacks like Madonna how it's done for decades to come. It's also good to hear that the tracklist has changed and she's scrapped the urban vibe of the original "Startin' Over". Toy told her soldiers: "It's strictly dance – all about fun, the lyrics are very personal to me. Love Honor and Obey is about being homophobic in the world today. I don't get it why anyone discriminates. It's so the wrong way to live. It's what I feel inside – what I think. Everyone will love it."

    This is too much. The Pope of Pop is about to release her first album in 16 years and plans to free the world from homophobia, one nightclub at a time! Read the amazing article here and re-live the worldwide smash that never quite happened (below). Toy Toy is officially back.

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La Toya Conquers Spain!

    While her has-been sister desperately plans a one country world tour to kickstart her flop career, the pride of the Jackson clan has been rubbing shoulders with European royalty. It must be cold there in Toy Toy's shadow, Jan! Contemporary music's finest vocalist jetted into Seville to judge a horse show and almost caused a riot with her breathtaking beauty. Spain hasn't been rocked this hard since the last time Tony Tornado got drunk and walked the streets of Chueca singing "Los Amores"! I have no idea how La Toya snagged this gig. Wearing a horse hair weave doesn't make you an equine authority but I digress. Toy's status as an international A Lister is confirmed by her attendance and the footage of her arriving at the event in full flamenco dress (below) is the most fabulous thing I've seen in 2010. La Toya looks absolutely stunning but I can't stop laughing at her elaborate poses. Someone should have thrown her some castanets to complete the look or at least taken the jug of Sangria off her until after the event! Seriously, if I wasn't sure that Spain is my spiritual homeland before this debacle - I am now 100% convinced. Watch in awe as La Toya redefines beauty, elegance and sophistication as we know it!

    Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Jacksons
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Toy Update - Due To Popular Demand

    I love you guys. When you're not rubbishing my love for faceless dance music or hating on my faves, you're spamming my inbox with breathless demands for more Toy Toy. Your wish is my command. I've actually been toying around (pun intended) with the idea of doing a "No Relations" retrospective for months now but I thought I'd tide you over with a quick update on the legendary icon's latest antics. Basically, the high priestess of pop has been giving a master class in publicity whoring. Her first appearance at a shopping mall almost caused a riot. Thousands of Cali Swag fans Toy Soldiers turned out to see our goddess hawk milkshakes with hip hop band Cali Swag District. They apparently have a hit song at the moment (who knew) called "Teach Me How To Dougie" and they kindly taught Toy Toy the dance moves in return for some career advice. No, seriously. The proof is below! After single-handedly plotting Cali Swag's journey to the top of the charts, La Toya hit up a fashion show at Macy's and wowed the paparazzi with her timeless poise and beauty. This is my favourite snap. Poor Brandy. She looks like a withered, old crack whore in comparison to the glorious siren next to her. As her duet partner Monica once sang - don't take it personal. It's just one of dem days!

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La Toya's Spanish Triumph!

    It's been 15 long years since Toy Toy's last studio album flopped worse than "Bionic" but her reputation as the greatest performer in the history of music grows stronger by the day. Take the latest irrefutable piece of evidence to surface on YouTube. A kindred spirit has just uploaded one of the most fabulous clips I have ever seen (below). Rumours of La Toya's eccentric early 90s TV performances run rife among fans - if anyone has the footage of our Queen covering Patsy Cline's "Crazy" on horseback in Mexico, please email me! - but very few of them ever see the light of day. Count your blessings then that this bravura display is now available for your viewing ecstasy. Filmed for Spanish TV in late 1991 (judging from her nose and the fact she's promoting "No Relations"), Toy rocks España to its very foundations with a stunning medley of hits. She begins with her seminal classic "Playboy" before raising the bar even higher with her #23 Dutch smash "Sexbox". I don't even know where to start. It's one of those things that you really have to see with your own eyes. like the Mona Lisa. But here are some highlights to keep an eye out for:

    1. La Toya's breathtaking outfit. I love how she pays tribute to Spain's rich cultural heritage by dressing in a gold lamé matador's jacket. Red roses and a matching cummerbund complete her ravishing ensemble.

    2. The hilarious Spanish dancers - who range in size from vertically challenged to positively gigantic. Toy Toy probably found them in a Chueca sauna and took pity. I'm naming them Jordi, Pablo, Fernando and Tony.

    3. Toy's fabulously incompetent miming. Keep watching to the very end when the top of her microphone falls off. LOL!

    4. Some of the most amazing choreography ever captured on film. The high priestess of pop's incredible ability to recycle Michael's dance moves is genuinely impressive, while the hilarious routine at 4:10 minutes clearly inspired Katie Melua's "The Flood" video. What a thieving skank!

    5. The crowd. These classy Spaniards can't get enough of La Toya. They clap, cheer, dance along, give her a standing ovation and beg for more. Spanish TV audiences clearly have impeccable taste!

    Brace yourself for 9 minutes of pure, unadulterated bliss. Janet could never!

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Stop Press: La Toya Reunites With Bubbles!

    Toy Toy's new status as the people's princess has been underlined by her latest act of selfless philanthropy. Just days after fanning the flames of Michael Jackson's memory by serenading Russia with a glorious live rendition of "Earth Song", the tireless humanitarian has captured the hearts and minds of millions around the globe by emotionally reuniting with her dead brother's chimpanzee. In a lucky coincidence, cameras were rolling to capture the moment and the footage is breathtaking. La Toya is the first member of the Jackson clan to visit Bubbles at the Florida ape sanctuary (cruel Janet is clearly too busy releasing flop albums to care) and she is genuinely overwhelmed by the occasion. I love it when Toy lovingly hoses the chimp down and tries to get his attention by loudly calling out her name. But the defining exchange begins at about 3:20 mins when Michael's favourite sister bursts into tears and asks Bubbles if he remembers her. It's simultaneously heartbreaking and hilarious. Some people question La Toya's intentions even though she's made it clear that her only mission in life is to free the world but I think she's completely dedicated to maintaining Michael's memory - even if it means postponing her sure to be #1 platinum smash hit album for another 9 years. Warning: This video is a real tearjerker. It actually made me cry!

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La Toya's Stunning Triumph!

    I've received a lot of hurtful emails this week accusing me of rudely ignoring the most significant musical moment of 2010. Rest assured, Toy Soldiers. La Toya's stunning triumph in Moscow did not go unnoticed. I was simply too overwhelmed by the magnitude of the occasion to write anything sensible. Our goddess finally had her moment in the sun and proved once and for all that she is the most beautiful and talented Jackson. In case you've been hiding under a rock or are just a sad, delusional Janatic - Toy Toy rocked the Muz-TV Awards show in Russia with an incredible rendition of Michael Jackson's "Earth Song". She was assisted by a couple of my favourite Eastern European pop stars (Dima Bilan, Sergey Lazarov etc) but there's no denying who the star of the show was. La Toya's otherworldly glamour and pitch perfect vocals had the crowd entranced from the second she took the stage wearing some of Michael's old pyjamas. There have been some libellous accusations that Toy Toy mimed but I won't even dignify that filth with a response. The Duchess of Dance spent most of the 90s touring the former Soviet block and a host of bankrupt African nations. She has nothing to prove! Anyway, sit back - grab some lube and a tissue - and prepare yourself for possibly the best performance of all time. The haters have been put in check!

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Toy Toy's Latest Triumph

    Toy Toy has put the rest of the music world to shame. Yet again. While tragic nobodies like Jennifer Lopez and Britney Spears hawk their cheap perfumes and tatty wares to the masses, the thinking man's Jackson has just signed on as the face of the world's most expensive hand cream. Take that, haters! As far as I'm concerned this is a match made in heaven. Clearly the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of eternal youth and beauty is La Toya. She hasn't aged a day since Reagan was in office - thanks to a strict diet and no exercise according to her latest interview. Yes, adoring fans, Toy has given away some of her highly prized beauty secrets in a bid to promote Alessandro's Dream Cream (bottom)!

    This video has me completely hypnotised. I can't remember the last time I've seen so much glamour captured on film. La Toya looks as ravishing as ever but she's almost shown up by the German stunner sitting next to her. As endlessly fascinated as I was to learn our Queen's hangover cure, the most exciting thing about the interview is confirmation that the Duchess of Dance will release a new album THIS YEAR! Admittedly, she's been saying that since 2002 but her manager correctly points out that 2010 marks the 30th anniversary of her debut and there are rumours that Teddy Riley has just been hired as the head of music development at Toy Toy's incredibly useless record label. Given his recent collaboration with Lady Gaga (Teddy produced "Teeth") this would be quite a coup for Ja-Tail. I'm extremely sceptical but stranger things have happened. Like La Toya being hired as the face of a luxury cosmetics company!

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La Toya - The Lost Video

    I have to apologise for the lack of updates recently. My life has just been more insane than usual. Things will hopefully return to normal later in the week but in the meantime, please bear with me. Today's post is brief but still rather fun. Toy Soldiers (ie. La Toya fans) have long lived under the impression that our Goddess only filmed four film clips in her stunning 30 year career. "Heart Don't Lie" redefined the medium, while "(Ain't Nobody Loves You) Like I Do" remains a camp classic. "You're Gonna Get Rocked" set new standards as the fiercest urban video of all time and more recently, "Home" took the internet by storm - reminding the world of Toy's creative genius. However, fans have long debated the existence of a video clip for 1989's "Bad Girl". A couple of days ago, the mystery was solved... kind of.

    La Toya's 6th studio album was recorded in Germany in the late 80s and a lead single was released. In typical Toy Toy style, "Bad Girl" flopped worse than Brooke Hogan and Heidi Montag put together and the similarly titled album was shelved until 1991. Rumours began circulating that a video for "Bad Girl" was filmed but it remained shrouded in mystery until it unexpectedly appeared on youtube a few days ago. I have to admit that I always thought the film clip was an old wives' tale. For a very simple reason. I lived in Germany as a child and most television shows had elaborate visual montages for guest performers at the time. I vividly remember Toy (or fake La Toya as the case may be) performing "Don't Break My Heart" on TV - complete with video screens and a panther! - and I always assumed the "Bad Girl" video might be an edit of a similar performance. Watching it today, I'm still not convinced but it doesn't matter. This is a riveting masterpiece and showcases Toy Toy's stunning dance moves, which I'm sure you'll agree put Janet's pathetic choreography to shame! I love the zero budget special effects and the fact that La Toya's backing dancers were obviously drafted from the nearest gay club.

    The song itself is an amazing attempt to cash in on Michael's "Bad" but I think the track holds up well as a late 80s anthem. The chorus is catchy and the production bounces along cheerfully enough. One of these days I'll write a proper post about one of La Toya's best albums but in the meantime check out this rare and amazing video - regardless if it is official or not. Nobody does it quite like Toy Toy!

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La Toya's "Home" Video - In Full!

    A friend sent me a text in the early hours of the morning to say that La Toya's comeback video had finally been unveiled and I rushed out of bed like a child at Christmas to check out what I assumed would be the greatest achievement in filmmaking since Citizen Kane. "Home" is absolutely adorable and I love it to bits but I hope I'm not cast out of the Church of La Toya for admitting that I'm ever so slightly underwhelmed.

    Don't get me wrong. The video is a syrupy sweet delight and showcases the Pope of Pop's stunning beauty to startling effect. If nothing else, Toy has officially reclaimed her throne as the sexiest woman alive. I can't believe how youthful and luminous she looks. They have seriously reverse engineered her nose or broken new ground in CGI technology because Toy Toy's precious beak is nowhere to be seen. I also think the video is beautifully filmed and surprisingly tasteful. I was slightly concerned that Jeffre would run around in sheet to symbolise Michael's ghost but he was obviously too busy watching re-runs of Dante's Cove. The location is utterly gorgeous and the melancholy mood suits the lyrics perfectly. My favourite scenes are when Toy pokes her head into the cubby house at approximately 2:05 minutes and the fierce headshake at 3:35 minutes. Somebody make me an avatar! All in all, La Toya really outdid herself - so why am I ever so slightly disappointed?

    I guess my expectations were just unrealistic. This is Toy Toy's first film clip in twenty two long years, so I thought she would really bring it. To a certain extent she has but I could have done without all the footage of that little girl playing on a swing and blowing bubbles. Toy has only released four music videos in her 30 year career - I wanted the focus to be on her. I'm also not sure I can handle the Dutchess of Dance's classy new image. Where is the shamelessness? Where is the desperation? Where is her sailor's hat? I hope La Toya doesn't instruct her Psychic Friends to curse me because I really do love the video. It just made me work a bit harder for my toygasm than usual. Anyway, lucky bitches in the US and UK can download the video from iTunes now. The rest of us will have to wait.Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Jacksons
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New Kylie & A Toytastic Preview

    I've been feeling so miserable today, dealing with various dramas but someone up above has obviously taken pity on me and decided to bring a little sunshine back into my life in the form of new music from Kylie and the first preview of Goddess Toy's stunning comeback "Home". I can't believe I'm being treated to new stuff from my two favourite divas in the one day. It feels like Christmas!

    I guess I should start with Kylie because unlike Toy, her song hasn't been around since 2006. Most of you will probably remember that Kylie was recently hired to record music for the most expensive Bollywood movie in history and the fruits of her fabulous labour have finally hit Youtube. I can't believe how trashtastic "Chiggy Wiggy" is! The song is so much fun. I love it when Kylie gets a bit kooky on us (see her Wiggles duet for starters) and this Indian flavoured toe tapper is about as weird as it gets. The production is beautiful and I love the trashy chorus - I wanna chiggy wiggy wit choo boy! That's not even mentioning the brilliant video clip. My girl looks amazing and probably dances more in these one and a half minutes than she has in the past ten years. The outfit and dance moves are very Beyoncé but Kylie pulls it off. I love the look on her face when Akshay arrives on the big chandelier. It's the best acting she's done since "Biodome"! I can't wait to see this in full and really hope it gets a worldwide release. I honestly believe it's catchy enough to become a novelty hit.

    Moving on now to the Dutchess of Dance. Toy Toy has just unveiled a preview of her "Home" video clip and it looks suitably classy. I'm slightly disappointed that she's not at least holding a framed photo of Michael but the layers of vaseline on the camera lens more than make up for it. La Toya looks absolutely phenomenal. I can't believe she's older than Madonna - Toy could honestly pass for one of her adopted Malawi babies! My favourite part of the preview is when our queen walks along holding the candle. She looks like a supermodel and her diva strut puts Miss J to shame. I just wish she didn't look so damn happy. This is supposed to be a dedication to her dead brother not "Sexual Feeling - The Sequel"! Toy works in mysterious ways, so I guess all will be revealed when the clip debuts on the 1st of September. I can hardly wait.

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La Toya's Video Tribute To Michael

    I know I'm drowning you all in Toy this week but given that she only releases new material once every second decade, I hope you'll forgive me. The latest milestone in La Toya's stunning comeback is a moving video tribute (above) to Michael. The Pope of Pop talks about keeping her brother's dream alive and promotes one of his favourite AIDS charities - by plugging her latest single! It's all very sweet. There's a strange innocence about La Toya that reminds me of Michael. I don't think it enters her pretty little head that some people might find her actions slightly tasteless. I honestly believe she's just trying to be a good sister and this is the only way she knows how. By the way, how completely fucking amazing does our Goddess look? Toy Toy has always been a vision of heavenly beauty but she looks absolutely breathtaking here. I swear she looks half Janet's age - and weight. I love the new hair and I think she's had some of her nose reinstated. Either that or they filmed this through a lens with enough Vaseline to lube up Cheryl Cole's prolapsed arsehole.Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Jacksons
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STOP PRESS: More Stunning Toy News!

    Somebody pass me a Valium! The Church of La Toya has just rocked my world with this report:

    "La Toya recorded her first music video in over 20 years on Sunday. The clip was directed by Eric Bute and director of photography was Hollywood veteran Reed Smoot. La Toya had three costume changes for the video, all of which were completely white ensembles, keeping with the theme of the single cover. It was shot at the Golden Oak Ranch in Santa Clarita, California, which is owned by The Walt Disney Company and frequently used for film production."

    I just know Toy Toy is gonna bring her "A" game to this clip! I'm expecting a variety of crazy hats, stunning costume changes and at least one incredibly tasteful cameo by Michael Jackson's ghost. Given the ranch setting, I'm also hoping to see Toy take a roll in the hay and flash her big back door to a group of lustful cowboys. If the prospect of a new video from the Duchess of Dance isn't enough to give you a screaming toygasm, check out this little tidbit:

    "We're also excited for an upcoming project we're working on with a UK record label. We'll have an album full of unreleased and rare La Toya material coming your way soon!"

    By unreleased and rare, I think they mean the widely available "Startin' Over" with a few new tracks the Pope of Pop recorded recently including the much talked about but never heard "Love". Not that I'm complaining. I don't care if they re-release "Bad Girl" for the 147th time - anything would be an unexpected and gratefully received treat! Oh and for those of you that didn't believe, roll up your sleeves because The Church has also revealed that "Home" is now Toy's most downloaded song ever. I don't know if I can handle all this stunning $ucce$$!

    While we wait for Toy's "Home" video to debut, let's wander down memory lane to 1984 when La Toya released her first and, in my opinion, best video. "Heart Don't Lie" is a much loved camp classic and remains Toy Toy's biggest US hit reaching a lofty #56 on the Billboard chart. I'm sure the video played a large part in the song's success. Only our Goddess could get away with playing a school girl despite pushing 30 and bring in a team of dancing mime artists!


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A Toymentous Occasion!

    Today is a toytastic moment in the history of pop music. Mark the 28th of July down in your diary as the day the (highly disputed) Queen of Pop released her first single in over a decade. Yes, bitches - the legendary La Toya Jackson is back! I've been waiting for this moment ever since Toy Toy first announced that she was startin' over way back in 2002 and now after a decade of false starts, she's finally ready to throw it down and put the haters in check. It's just a shame that it took such sad circumstances for the High Priestess of Pop to reclaim her throne. With any luck, the overwhelmingly positive response to "Home" will inspire Toy to get her big back door into the studio to record new tracks. That is after she hunts down Michael's killer and forces Debbie Rowe to get correct. In the meantime, I've put together a special one off mid-week Pop Panel to celebrate the release of "Home". Today's completely unbiased judges are:

    Bomitoni (US) writer of Milk Carton Pop Stars
    Chicago Sexbox (US) writer of Chicago Sexbox
    Jamie (UK) writer of Tat Parade
    Jay (UK) writer of Postcards From Puerto Rico
    Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
    Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

    Here's what this fabulous group of high brow music scholars had to say about Toy Toy's heartbreaking tribute to Michael Jackson.

    Bomitoni: Toy has touched many with her music over the years. This previously unreleased gem is a true testament to what Toy truly is, a music force to be reckoned with. What a lovely tribute to Michael Jackson! 5/5

    Chicago Sexbox: Somewhere up above Michael Jackson is smiling down from a celestial Neverland as he is greeted by the sounds of La Toya Jackson's power ballad and soon to be epic anthem for Michael Jackson fans everywhere, "Home". Michael's closest and most talented sister releases this gem from her vault to not only honor her brother and the childhood home they shared growing up but to donate all proceeds to Michael's favorite AIDS charity. While Janet is probably already corrupting poor Michael's children with her collection of S&M anal porn, La Toya appeases the King of Pop's spirit much like she has done with her fans with her previous musical ventures. For those of you who didn't believe roll up your sleeves......cuz La Toya is throwing down with her new spiritual and uplifting sound! 5/5

    Jamie: For many years the thinking man's Jackson has tantalised us with pop gems like 2003's Billboard Dance/Club Chart smash "Just Wanna Dance", "Free The World", and her ghetto throwdown to pimps and dealers across the globe - the seminal "I Don't Play That". On her latest opus La Toya gives us a glimpse of the good old days of growing up in the Jackson family home surrounded by the only people she ever really knew. It's just lovely, syrupy, over the top, and melancholy all at the same time. What a poignant and fitting time to release this fan favourite which serves as a perfect tribute to Michael, the King of Pop - 5/5!

    Jay: The Pope Of Pop returns to bless us all with a heavenly anthem and a touching tribute to her recently departed brother. What makes this even more touching is Queen Toy showing her forgiveness for him once again sabotaging her career as him dropping his clogs has ensured the much anticipated "Startin' Over" has been delayed indefinitely... just like he ruined "Night Time Lover" and stole "Thriller"! Though I still think a re-issue of "Free The World" would have been far more fabulous. 5/5

    Mike: Music fans are used to Jackson sisters being pudgy frumps like Janet and Rebbie. La Toya's curse has always been her exquisite looks and unrivalled sex appeal but hopefully the tragedy of Michael's death will allow people to look past her divine body and finally embrace the powerhouse vocals that have driven Toy Soldiers wild for three decades. "Home" truly is a toyriffic tune. The production is epic, the lyrics are tender and Toy Toy turns it out vocally. A work of genius. 5/5

    Tommie: A true triumph in good taste and artistry! Anyone who disagrees has clearly listened to Janet's pussy ballads for too long and shouldn't be taken seriously. 5/5

    Total: 30/30


    That's highest score in Pop Panel history! I always knew Toy Toy had it in her. "Home" is now available from US and UK iTunes. Please do the poor bitch a favour and download it! The rest of us can bask in the glory of Toy's stunning "Home" by watching the video (below).

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La Toya Is Startin' Over - Again!

    Michael Jackson is crying tears of joy in heaven tonight with news that his favourite sister is about to embark on the most anticipated comeback of the century. On Tuesday the 28th of July, La Toya will finally claim her rightful place at the forefront of popular music with the release of her first official US single in over a decade. "Home" is a touching ballad that perfectly showcases the stunning beauty of Toy Toy's voice. It's also a fitting tribute to Michael and will no doubt bring a lot of comfort to his army of mourning fans. It's official - iTunes is gonna get rocked!

    As much as I love "Home" and wholeheartedly approve of it being released as a single, it isn't exactly new. In fact, I voted it the best song of 2006 in my end of year countdown! At the time I wrote:

    To fully appreciate this song, it helps to know a bit about Toy's life story - that she married a psychotic gangster who beat her up, drugged her, cut her off from her family and generally made her a worldwide laughing stock. La Toya wrote this song about growing up with the Jacksons and missing them during her time in exile. The result is a bittersweet ballad, which is reminiscent of Michael's "Childhood" - only good.

    I feel a bit bad about that final sentence now but I stand by it. "Home" stands toe to toe with anything her siblings have recorded. It's a tender love letter to Havenhurst and has only become more poignant in light of recent events. The line about missing Joker (Toy's nickname for Michael) is so incredibly sad. You can hear the new single edit over at Bungalow Records. I prefer the four and half minute version that leaked in 2006 but it's still a triumph. No comment on the toytastic artwork (above) though!

    I really hope the song is treated fairly. Insecure Janet fans are already questioning the timing of Toy's comeback - calling it tacky and tasteless but as Michael would say, that's ignorant. While Damita Ho sits on her couch eating donuts and watching anal porn, La Toya has been bravely investigating the circumstances of her brother's death. It's only right that the family looks to her for solace in their time of need and hopefully "Home" does the trick. The 28th is still three weeks away, so check out this amazing promo in the meantime. Be warned, this footage has been known to generate explosive toygasms!

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Warning: Toygasmic Video!

    Dear friends,

    As many of you may already know, the legendary La Toya Jackson is currently gracing the UK Celebrity Big Brother house - the highlights of which have been captured in the toygasmic video above. I've watched on with boundless pride as my beloved goddess has warmed even the hardest of hearts with her humility, sweet nature, stunning talent and exquisite beauty. In return for filling your empty lives with joy and laughter, I implore you to vote for Toy Toy. After 9 flop albums and no hits over a thirty year career, isn't it about time this poor bitch finally experienced some success?

    Mike

    XSource URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Jacksons
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Prepare To Be Disciplined

    Unlike Janet's first day period, "Discipline" isn't a bloody mess. It's just bloody disappointing. First the good news. "Discipline" is a marked improvement on "20 Y.O." and "Damita Jo". The album contains two shiny pop gems and a handful of other respectable tracks that would slot nicely on to Janet's next greatest hits compilation. Unfortunately the project is weighed down by a slew of empty ballads, soulless mid-tempos jams and, at times, almost indecipherable vocals. I really wanted to like "Discipline" and was optimistic that Janet could recapture her old magic after hearing the first single. However, instead of embracing a fresh new sound, Janet is happy to wallow in the same old muck that has been slowly killing her career since 2001's "All For You". While younger rivals like Rihanna and Beyonce have woken up to the fact that pop music cloaked in a thin veil of urban credibility is the way of the future, Janet remains stubbornly mired in the sterile world of over-produced mid-tempo R'n'B.

    The ultimate blame for the album's failure must lie with Janet because the hired help is certainly beyond reproach. "Discipline" features contributions from some of the hottest producers on the planet. If anything the whole project is a little too slick - as if it were put together by a corporate committee. It's certainly telling that Janet completely abdicated songwriting duties this time around. She seems to have left everything to the experts and lost herself in the process. My other major concern with "Discipline" is Janet's refusal to move away from the slow jams that strangled the life out of "20 Y.O." and her increasingly annoying whispered vocals. Janet has always had a reed thin voice but usually covers it well with clever production. This time around, Janet is happy to mumble her way through the album. Then there are the pointless interludes. The practice is tired and, in the case of "Bathroom Break", downright embarrassing. It's only a small gripe but symptomatic of Janet's habit of recycling old ideas. I don't want to be too negative because "Discipline" is a step in the right direction. Here is my track by track review.

    Feedback - 9/10

    "Feedback" was slammed by most critics as derivative rubbish but I loved it from the first listen, hence its appearance in my best of 2007 countdown. After two albums of dreary sex ballads and stillborn mid-tempo jams, the return of dance Janet came as a massive relief. Rodney Jerkins has produced a storming club anthem that can best be described as urban house music. Think of this as the album's "All Nite (Don't Stop)" or "So Excited". The video is an embarrassment but the chorus is fantastically catchy and Janet's dirty mouth never fails to amuse. It annoys me when people say Janet is too old to sing about her gushing period and sleazy bedroom antics. Old ladies need loving too! Many reviewers referred to the track as second rate Britney but I don't see it. "Feedback" is better than anything on "Blackout" and is quite simply Janet's best single since "All For You". If only the album contained more material in this vein.

    LUV - 8/10

    Another Rodney Jerkins production, "LUV" is something of a grower. I wasn't overly impressed by the song on the first listen but it now stands out as one of the few highlights on "Discipline". A bouncy little pop tune with a catchy hook, "LUV" sounds fresh and contemporary. The lyrics are pretty inane and Janet whispers her way through the track but the production pops and the beats are layered with clinical precision. American urban pop by the numbers but this little ditty is entirely inoffensive. "LUV" is already charting on the US R'n'B charts and is a safe bet for a future single.

    Rollercoaster - 3/10

    Just when you thought Janet had turned her back on the mid-tempo sludge that polluted her last flop album, "Rollercoaster" drags the listener kicking and screaming back to the aural hell that was "20 Y.O." A headache inducing "jam" with no semblance of a chorus or melody, "Rollercoaster" represents everything wrong with Janet's recent output. It sounds like 50 different samples have been thrown in blender before Janet was dragged into the studio to lay down the vocal after swallowing a bucket of Valium. This is one ride I won't be taking again.

    Just chillin'

    Rock With U - 9.5/10

    Moving from the ridiculous to the sublime, "Rock With U" is the best song on "Discipline" and one of Janet's finest offerings in many a year. Janet must have threatened to throw away her 12" inch strap-on if husband Jermaine Dupri failed to deliver the goods this time around because "Rock With U" is something of a triumph. Following the robotic theme of the interludes, this sleek anthem is an effortlessly cool slice of futuristic disco. I love the vocoder effects and the clear influence of French house. This is also a rare example of Janet successfully walking the line between sexy and sleazy. "Rock With U" wouldn't sound out of place on Kylie's "X" and I mean that as a huge compliment. A video clip has just been filmed and this looks to be Janet's second single in most territories. Expect Janet's string of massive flops to end with this gem.

    2nite - 7/10

    "Discipline" features contributions from some of hottest producers in the industry including this pleasant offering from Stargate, the Norwegian team behind Rihanna's "Don't Stop The Music" and Beyonce's "Irreplaceable". Sadly, "2nite" fails to match the dizzying heights of those two tunes. The song is another fun dance entry but the endeavour is entirely forgettable. I'm not sure if they were going for a retro vibe or just giving Janet their old scraps but "2nite" sounds very dated. The lyrics are cute and Janet actually bothers to sing instead of mumble but I can't help but feel I've heard it all before.

    Can't B Good - 4/10

    What an appropriate title. Janet reverts back to dreary ballad mode with a fairly typical slow jam, complete with soulless beats and whispered vocals. I miss the days when Janet actually attempted to belt out a tune. Lord knows, she's no La Toya but Janet can do better than this. "Can't B Good" is reminiscent of the ballads on Michael's "Invincible" album - ie. boring and uninspired.

    Hey y'all!

    Never Letchu Go - 3/10

    Jermaine Dupri's second offering is a complete stinker. Obviously "Rock With U" was a fluke because, quite simply, this track stinks. Another weak ballad with almost indistinguishable vocals, "Never Letchu Go" sounds like a reject from "20 Y.O." only with an embarrassing guitar solo that is very 80s and not in a good way. When is Janet going to learn her lesson? Whispered ballads, plodding beats and empty lyrics just aren't good enough. This shit is more tired than Janet's gimp.

    Greatest X - 6/10

    Many fans have selected "Greatest X" as their favourite song from "Discipline". One critic even had the nerve to compare it to Timbaland's "Apologize". Sure, and "Nu-Di-Ty" is the new "Can't Get You Out Of My Head". Produced by R'n'B superstar The-Dream, "Greatest X" is one of the sweetest slow jams on "Discipline" but it still lacks the emotional punch to be anything but mediocre. Unlike the two proceeding ballads, this effort is well constructed and Jan at least tries to sound invested in the lyrics. This has grown on me with each listen, so maybe I'm being too harsh. I just think three generic ballads in a row is too much of an ask, particularly after the fine selection of dance tracks at the beginning of the album.

    So Much Betta - 4.5/10

    After three ballads, "So Much Betta" changes the tempo again. Unfortunately the results are less than impressive. Continuing with the album's robotic theme, this misguided effort features grating computer effects and a lazy Daft Punk sample. Kanye West has a lot to answer for. There is no chorus to speak of and the lyrics are a repetitive bore. Think of this Jermaine Dupri produced mishap as little more than an extended interlude.

    Do you like my style? Yeah that sexy, sexy, sexy

    The 1 - 6/10

    I gave this generic effort an extra point for Missy Elliot's amusing opening rhyme: "Tell me how long is it, boo? 7 inches, yep that'll do!" Unfortunately, it all goes downhill from there. Another Jermaine Dupri production, "The 1" is an uptempo song in desperate need of a chorus. Missy Elliot's appearance is a welcome distraction but even she can't compensate for the overbearing production and complete absence of anything resembling a hook. It really is hard to believe that the same man produced "Rock With U". Perhaps a remix could breath some life into this stale offering.

    What's Ur Name - 3/10

    Another expedition into the wasteland of mid-tempo R'n'B previously explored on "20 Y.O." This time around Janet repeats the song title 30 or so times against a hollow groove courtesy of her career killing husband. "What's Ur Name" isn't awful. It's just insipid and utterly pointless.

    Discipline - 1/10

    I would rather drink Janet's first day period than listen to this creepy exercise in disturbing mental imagery ever again. Actually, I'm not sure what's worse. The song or the preceding interlude where Janet moans breathlessly about using a whip for "self-mortification". At least the interlude only lasts for a minute, while this drags on for a seemingly endless 5 minutes. Janet begins the song by apologising for touching herself before begging to be punished. I'm all for sleazy lyrics but moaning "Daddy, make me cry" turns my stomach - even if she is referring to her troll like husband instead of her abusive father, Joe. Annoyingly, the production is spot on. This would be one hell of a sexy affair with a little less information and a different singer. As it stands, "Discipline" is a cringeworthy trainwreck. I'm all for Janet exploring her sexuality but she's already covered this particular fetish on "The Velvet Rope". This has definite so bad it's good potential.

    Her swag is serious

    Curtains - 7.5/10

    I feared this was going to be an ode to Jan's meat curtains but it turns out to be a fairly pleasing sex ballad about fucking a fan backstage after a concert. Unlike the other slow jams littering "Discipline", "Curtains" displays some soul. The music delicately wraps itself around Janet's whispered vocals and the trumpet-like hook is a treat. Janet finally comes across as fun and sexy instead of demented and desperate. Rodney Jenkins really stands out as the superior producer on "Discipline" and should be the only contributor Janet calls on for her next sex porn soundtrack. An unexpected delight.

    Let Me Know - 5/10

    It's somehow fitting that "Discipline" bows out with another exploration of Janet's prodigous sexuality. This is an entirely inoffensive affair. Janet promises to "play your favourite song, wear your favourite thong" before boasting about her familiarity with the karma sutra. We've heard it all before. This was tacked on in some territories as a bonus track, which is pretty reflective of its quality. Give this a miss and download the fabulous "Feedback" remixes instead. Like most of the album "Let Me Know" is sadly underwhelming.

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La Toya's "Hit" - I Don't Play That

    As a loud and proud Toy Soldier (see my La Toya dictionary), it deeply pains me to speak ill of the most talented Jackson to emerge from the hallowed grounds of Havenhurst. I firmly believe that Toy Toy is the most underrated pop singer in musical history. Which other act has released 9 phenomenal albums over the space of 20 years, yet has no hits to show for it? This all seemed destined to change when "Startin' Over" leaked last year to a rapturous fan reception. "Startin' Over" was one of my 10 favourite albums of 2006 and her stunning ode to the Jackson family, "Home", was my favourite song. La Toya looked certain to finally emerge from the shadow of her siblings in 2007 with a re-worked version of "Startin Over" and a hot reality TV series, "Armed & Famous".

    However, in true toytastic style, La Toya's show was cancelled - just as she had recorded an appalling song called "Armed & Famous" to cash in on the series. Instead of scrapping the song and retaining her dignity, La Toya and her ingenious label decided to simply change the song's title to "I Don't Play That" and re-launch La Toya's career with a novelty song about La Toya's escapades as a celebrity policewoman. "I Don't Play That" is wrong on so many levels, that it is something of a craptastic masterpiece. A 50 year old woman singing about her glock is rather amusing, particularly when La Toya's only experience with crime was posing as a transsexual prostitute in order to arrest johns on a reality TV show. However, I am one of the few people who don't consider La Toya to be a joke and it pains me that all the good work she has done over the past couple of years is being undone by this stinker.

    But what do I know? The song is actually gaining some airplay and it is currently sitting at #331 on the Billboard R'n'B charts - by La Toya's standards that is a veritable smash hit! Furthermore, Toy's useless record company has even made this hilarious internet advertisement to promote the song. For La Toya's sake, I hope it's a hit. I just have my fingers crossed that this is a small blip on an otherwise fabulous career.Source URL: https://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Jacksons
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