Tonje Langeteig & the single of the year!

Tonje Langeteig is my new religion. I know her awe-inspiring anthem "I Don't Wanna Be A Crappy Housewife" is already getting major coverage on the blogosphere but I would feel remiss in my duties as a connoisseur of fine trash if I didn't throw in my two cents. Tonje first came to fame on the Norwegian version of Dating In The Dark. Her stunning curves and magnetic charisma could not be denied and millions of gays across Scandinavia petitioned for the busty blond to revolutionise pop music. At least that's how I like to think it happened! Her debut single has been torn apart by the usual snobs but "I Don't Want To Be A Crappy Housewife" is genuinely amazing. This touching and insightful glimpse into the cruel lifecycle of Norwegian cougars will leave you questioning the meaning of life.

The highly philosophical diva begins the song by declaring "I woke up one morning and I thought I was young but no no no my youth was gone". I wonder if this was originally written with Madonna in mind. But I digress. Tonje then flees to the disco to avoid her empty existence as housewife but obviously pops a dud pill because she begins pondering her own mortality, singing "when I'm six feet under, when I'm dead - I don't want dirt on me but make up instead". Lady Gaga wishes she wrote that lyric! The video is equally amazing. Our heroine rocks up to the world's worst nightclub with a couple of dicey looking hookers in tow before dancing with her rent-a-rapper. Oh and if you think Tonje is all looks and no talent, just watch this stunning live rendition of "I Don't Wanna Be A Crappy Housewife". Now we know where Britney got the inspiration for her BBMA performances from! Download this masterpiece - complete with world's worst cover and spelling mistakes - from iTunes now.

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Here comes Oh Land!

Chances are you know more about Oh Land than I do. The Danish diva has been getting major blog love for the best part of a year but, until recently, I didn't take much notice. My iPod is already full of overhyped Scandinavian nobodies and I wasn't prepared to take a punt on another epic fail like Lykke Li. But when a "Sun Of A Gun" promo arrived in my inbox last week, I thought I'd give it a spin to see what all the fuss is about. And I'm glad I did. Sounding like a cross between Feist's "1234" and Lenka's "The Show", Oh Land's breakout single is an instantly catchy pop gem that deserves to find a bigger audience. I love the overwhelming simplicity of "Sun Of A Gun". The producers show admirable restraint by letting the quirky vocal hooks and cute lyrics set the tone. It's so understated but I guarantee you'll be singing along by the end of the song. As far as I know it wasn't a huge hit in America - where she has decided to launch her album - but it has racked up over 10 million views on YouTube and her upcoming support slot on Sia's US tour should help. In the meantime, Oh land is finally being given a push in Europe - and then hopefully in Australia. Fingers crossed "Sun Of A Gun" takes off. Her image is great and the video is very pretty. I guess it's time to see if the rest of the album is any good!

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Resuscitate Me, September's Back!

Praise La Toya the lord! Sweden's holy princess of pop has blessed us with yet another dose musical perfection. And no, I'm not talking about that "Body Talk" troll. As far as Scandipop divas are concerned, my heart will always belong to September. You see, we go way back. I first heard "Satellites" in 2005 and spent a fortune importing it from Europe. Petra's breathtaking talent had me hooked and for a while there, she was my little secret. That all changed when "Cry For You" exploded in the UK and eventually made its way to Australia. I distinctly remember attending the single launch in King's Cross, where a bored drag queen mimed the song to a half empty room of gays. Stunning promotion! The song somehow made it all the way to #14 and I thought September might succeed where Robyn had failed - at crossing over to mainstream but it wasn't to be.

Well, almost two years later, the Swedish siren is finally back with new material. I was smitten by "Resuscitate Me" from the first moment I heard it but the recently released video clip makes me love it even more. Penned by Cutfather, Jonas Jeberg and Lucas Secon (the team behind Kylie's "Get Outta My Way"), this is a return to the irresistibly exuberant pop of "In Orbit" - complete with a killer chorus and some of the cutest lyrics of 2010. Even the video is a triumph! After looking like a 45 year old housewife on drugs in the shameful debacle otherwise known as "Can't Get Over", September is looking hot again and works it for all she's worth. Hell, she even looks good in a coma! Fingers crossed "Resuscitate Me" gets an Australian release. The nation is crying out for some real talent!


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Straight Up! - A Twink Anthem

Straight Up! first came to my attention back in April when they featured on Don't Stop The Pop. Back then Rob likened the Swedish twosome to Pay TV and Army Of Lovers - heady praise indeed! Their debut single definitely covered an arresting topic. An ode to young and pretty gays, "Twink" is a throbbing electro-pop anthem that goes where lesser acts fear to tread with stunning lyrics like "I pick a hunk I wanna fuck and then I get him drunk". Take that Adam Lambert, you soft cock! The thing is - I'd rather do Perez Hilton with the lights on than go near a hairless man-boy but I fully support the group's right to sing about whatever the fuck gets them hard. Think of this as the psycho-sexual bookend to Barb@zul's legendary bear anthem "I Don't Care"! Since April the Straight Up! boys have been busy recording new tracks and only just got around to releasing the video for "Twink". I wish I knew what to say about it. The clip (below) is a trash lover's wet dream but it also makes me want to find the nearest woman, get married and spend the rest of my life living a lie just to avoid ever watching it again. But that's me. I'm sure most of you will love it and I think the guy with the beard would be kinda hot if he stopped over-shaping his eyebrows! Don't get me wrong, I really like this band. I'll just listen to their future smash with my eyes closed. Now where's the link for that Barb@zul video again...


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Medina's Addictive 3rd Single

When are people (outside of Denmark and Deutschland) finally going to get correct and jump on the Medina bandwagon? The Danish pop star has released two stunning singles and a brilliant English language debut album yet continues to wither in Robyn's overhyped shadow. It's so unfair because "You & I" would have been a worldwide smash for the Swedish troll but was roundly ignored outside Germany, where it became a much deserved top 10 hit. This is like Janet and La Toya all over again! Why must the pretty, talented one always come off second best? But I digress. Medina isn't going let something as insignificant as having no hits keep her down. The striking diva recently unveiled her third single and it's another throbbing electro-pop anthem with melancholy lyrics and laser sharp production. "Addiction" isn't as epic as "You & I" or quite as devastating as "Lonely" but it's a grower. I love the drugs metaphor and she works the bleak yet still catchy chorus for all it's worth. I really don't know why Medina is always so depressed but it kind of suits her. She is the Queen of pissed-off-and-over-it electro! The Danish delight also turns it out in the video. She plays a supermodel and spends most of the clip looking sad in a glamorous kind of way. "Addiction" is released physically in Germany on the 26th of November. A deluxe two disco edition of her album "Welcome To Medina" hits stores the same day. I want!

Watch "Addiction" HERE

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Sweden's Latest Trash Diva

The name Rebecca Stella might not mean anything to you (yet) but her face is probably familiar to most Scandipop fans. Stunning Bec first came to fame as one of the three buxom beauties chosen to front Swedish trash band Sunblock. Who will ever forget their cover of Robin Beck's "The First Time" or their amazing interpretation of Corona's "Baby Baby" - complete with low brow gay video? Since the demise of Sunblock, Rebecca has been a busy woman. She's become a blogging sensation in Sweden, modelled for Tierry Mugler and was rumoured to be fucking Darin for a while there. Oh and the blond beauty also found the time to record a slammin' electropop jam called "Swag In A Bag". Produced by Fireface, Bec's debut single is catchy in that slick Scandinavian way and boasts amazing lyrics like "poor to rich, rich to poor - get the Christian Dior, let's hit the store!" As you can tell it's extremely complex examination of the human condition. The crazy video (below) has been ridiculed by some but I think it's great. Why is every diva compared to Lady Gaga? She did not invent unflattering outfits and excessive eye make-up!


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Introducing Sweden's New King of Pop

For Tommie
One of my very first posts on this blog - way back in December 2006 - was dedicated to Sweden's greatest living talent Bionda (sometimes known as Linda Rosing). For those of you who missed out on this amazing diva, her career highlights include fucking a guy on Big Brother, having plastic surgery live on TV, releasing a couple of amazing singles, going on tour but only performing three songs due to the crowd not being enthusiastic enough and starting her own political party to outlaw airbrushing in magazines. In other words, she was and most probably still is, a true renaissance woman! I guess you're wondering what Bionda has to do with Sweden's new King of Pop. Well, he used to be her boyfriend. Fadde Darwich is well known in Scandinavia for his stunning good looks and publicity whoring ways. Since leaving poor Bionda he's published an autobiography (that he didn't write), discovered Botox and somehow found the time to release his own breathtaking pop anthem! I thought Don Bennechi's crown as the King of Swedish pop would never be challenged but Fadde could be the man to snatch it. Living with Bionda obviously rubbed off on the irresistible hunk. "We Can Party" is the European summer jam of 2010. There's tacky faux RedOne production via the Vengaboys circa 1997, accordions and stunning lyrics like "Oh Oh, c'mon Sweden we can party". What more do you need? I'm just shocked that the Swedes didn't enter this at Eurovision. Fadde would have won in a landslide!


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Robyn - Dancing On My Own

Damn Robyn. Just when I was about to write that bitch off, she goes and does this. And by 'this' I mean make a typically demented video for what is undeniably one of 2010's best tunes. In my last post I mentioned "Better Than Her" (stop laughing, haters!) and "All The Lovers" as early frontrunners for pop song of the year but I forgot about Sweden's favourite troll. As disappointed as I am by "Body Talk", I can't fault a single second of "Dancing On My Own". It's the bitter twin sister of "Be Mine". A sad, pathetic and all too human snapshot of a broken heart complete with a ball-tearing chorus and driving dance beats. The track cuts through me like a rusty chainsaw. I can identify with each and every line. So kudos to her for owning up to the level of crazy that we're all occasionally capable of. This is the Robyn that I know and love. The girl who isn't afraid to explore feelings and emotions within the context of an extremely catchy four minute pop song - not the pretentious artiste with a robot fetish. To celebrate the return to form of Sweden's third best singer, here are ten things to note about her latest video (below).

1. Cosmetic dentistry hasn't caught on in Sweden.
2. For once Robyn doesn't look like an extra from Lord of the Rings.
3. The styling is hot and she looks fucking sexy.
4. In fact, I think I'm going to try out that haircut. Only with a little less volume because I don't want to be hit on by lesbians. Any more than usual.
5. Kylie is no longer the worst dancer in pop.
6. For proof check out the hilarious dance routine at 1:30 mins. LOL.
7. Robyn is amazing in close-up. Her eyes and attitude scream superstar.
8. The scene where she's working across the dancefloor, stalking her ex-boyfriend is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking.
9. Fist pumps are the new jazz hands. Work it, Robyn!
10. Someone has clearly been watching "Papa Don't Preach".

"Dancing On My Own" has smash hit written all over it. The song is released on the 14th of June with remixes by Fred Falke and Michael Woods. As far as I'm concerned, it's worth buying for the cover (above) alone.


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Elin Lanto - Tickles

A couple of days ago I wrote a review of Linda Sundblad's latest album that nobody read. It's probably for the best because I got on my Scandipop soapbox and trashed a bunch of Swedish pop stars. The thing is - I love Sweden. It's the country that gave the world Bionda and for that I am eternally grateful. I just don't believe that everything recorded in the land of Ikea is automatically amazing. Although this stunning performance could prove me wrong. One diva whose brilliance I can agree upon, however, is the lovely Elin Lanto. Her last single "Love Made Me Stupid" was the sad theme of my Valentine's Day post and I'm gagging to get my hands on her latest album. Elin is the anti-Robyn/Linda. She unapologetically makes cheesy pop tunes with a ball tearing chorus and catchy lyrics - usually accompanied by a saucy low budget video. Kind of like an even less credible September! "Tickles" is more of the same - just better. I absolutely adore the song and have been blasting it in the car for the past month. Don't tell anyone but I'm rather partial to the super gay Almighty remix. Anyway, the video debuted today and I had to post it. Elin rolls around in bed looking pretty. That's literally it. Oh and I finally get what tickles! Sometimes mine twitches when I think about it...


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Medina > Robyn > Annie

One of the 2009's best pop songs has just been released in Australia and no one seems to have noticed. Medina's "You And I" is currently riding a tidal wave of internet hype and clubplay but the song is yet to properly cross over. I'd like to think it's only a matter of time but Scandipop doesn't have a great track record in this country - just ask Robyn! Speaking of that Swedish troll, "You And I" is the first Scandinavian pop tune to give me goosebumps since "Be Mine" way back in 2005. Everything about this icy dance anthem reeks of quality. The production (courtesy of The Providers) is clinically precise, the lyrics perfectly capture the rollercoaster ride of a bitter break up and the chorus is catchy to the point of being ridiculous. Interestingly, "You And I" was first released in Denmark last year under the title "Kun For Mig" and went on to spend 6 weeks at #1. The original Danish version is amazing and I hope it's included as a B-side if EMI Australia decide to release a physical single. It might also be wise to stop pushing the Deadmau5 remix (regardless of its brilliance) and go with the far more commercial UK radio edit that's used in the unfortunate video clip (below). I say unfortunate because poor Medina suffers from a bad case of Lady GaGa face and dressing her up like a Russian prostitute doesn't really help her cause! That said, the song is absolutely irresistible and deserves to be huge. I can't wait to hear more from the pride of Denmark.


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Hammer Time With Linda Sundblad

Linda Sundblad's stunning new anthem has been all over the web for the past couple of weeks with good reason. "To All My Girls" is the kind of edgy yet relentlessly catchy Swedish pop music that Robyn used to make before she turned into a "serious artiste" and started churning out shit like this. I've had a soft spot for Linda since the glory days of Lambretta (does anyone else remember the band's floptastic attempt to crack Australia in 2002 with "Bimbo"?) but I was underwhelmed by her debut solo album. It was a little too cool for its own good - something she has definitely rectified with her latest release. As much as I love "To All My Girls", I think I'm even more obsessed with the film clip than the song. Despite the diva's eerie and unsettling resemblance to Portia De Rossi, this is a cinematic masterpiece. The 90s choreography puts MC Hammer to shame, Linda manages to dance without wearing a top (or bra for that matter) and somehow rocks a pair of American flag boxing shorts and leopard skin print poo catchers. Respect! With Agnes and Medina currently flying the Scandipop flag in Australia, surely it's only a matter of time before someone snaps up this hot bitch?


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Agnes' Australian Makeover

It's time for me to eat some humble pie and admit that I was wrong about "Release Me". I still think that the average piece driftwood has more charisma than Agnes Carlsson and remain completely unconvinced about the quality of "Dance Love Pop" but her international breakthrough has grown on me to a ridiculous extent. There's just something utterly irresistible about those disco strings and that anthemic chorus. Imagine how amazing the song would sound if the writers had given it to an actual human being instead of a soulless Swedish robot! But I digress. Since being released in early July "Release Me" has doggedly hung around the lower reaches of the Australian top 100 (currently sitting at #64) but failed to make much of an impact. However, the song is finally starting to gather some upward momentum as a result of increased radio airplay, the onset of summer and a sizzling batch of freshly commissioned local remixes. Which is the whole point of this post. I'm wondering what you all think of the new Australian radio edit courtesy of Todd Watson:


Todd Watson Radio Edit

As far as I'm concerned the Moto Blanco Mix is still hard to beat for a hit of pure pop goodness but I really like this. Todd does the impossible and gives Agnes a bit of an edge. His version is dark and brooding yet still true to the original. I just think it might be a bit too much for Australian radio. To hear the other local remixes check out Neon's youtube channel. Speaking of new and improved Agnes tracks, Scandipop recently revealed that a new mix of "I Need You Now" will be Scandinavian diva's second single in the UK. I love what they've done with the song and hope the entire album is given a similiar overhaul. Oh and if Swedish pop floats your boat and you live in London, make sure you head along to Scandipop Live on the 29th of September to check out BWO. I'd go along just to throw things at Alexander Bard!

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Swedish Skank Scores Aus Record Deal!

Evil Swedish pop troll Agnes Carlsson is set to unleash her mediocrity upon Australia after landing a local distribution deal with Neon Records. The 2005 Swedish Idol winner is currently taking the UK by storm with her single "Release Me" and should find similar success when the song is released here in early July. I've made my feelings about Agnes pretty clear in the past but there's no denying that "Release Me" is an exceptional pop song. It's just a shame that it was wasted on someone with all the charisma of an anal fissure. Excitingly, local remixes have already been commissioned - including one by the amazing TV Rock. Hopefully they make it a dub!

This is Neon's first foray into the pop scene, so I wish them a lot of luck. If "Release Me" takes off it could pave the way for some decent Scandipop hitting the shelves in the future. I'll update you with more details as they come to hand. In the meantime, check out the Swedish automaton trying to act like an actual human being in the drab video (below).


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The Ultimate Trash Xmas Carol

I thought Cyndi Lauper's duet with The Hives was the year's best Christmas anthem but that modern classic has been blown out of the water by Linni Meister's clubtastic cover version of "Do They Know It's Christmas". Seriously, this fabulous shit has to be heard to be believed! The track is credited to John Astericks (its producer) featuring Glam Aid (a bunch of Scandinavian plastic surgery addicts) but the most recognisable face and "voice" is that of Norwegian Big Brother contestant come pop/porn star Linni Meister. I featured Linni's amazing "Where My Limo At" on the blog earlier this year but she is still best known for her breathtakingly awesome cover of Destiny's Child's "Survivor". Until now. "Do They Know It's Christmas" is a triumph of bad taste. The song has been re-worked into a stilted dance anthem with all the soul of a store mannequin. Linni's voice, in particular, has been vocodered to the point where she sounds like a robot! The video clip is also pretty amusing. It looks like it was filmed at a hooker convention and what kind of club spins a tune about starving Africans to get people on the dancefloor? I'm sure everyone involved had the best intentions and it goes without saying that I prefer this to the original version. I'm just not sure how this wonderful trash is supposed to help starving children when it's being given away for free (along with a club remix and the video clip) on John Asterick's website. I guess it's the thought that counts. Right?


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