Florence Gets The Benny Benassi Treatment

"Lungs" was one of my favourite albums of 2009 and kept me company well into 2010. But somewhere towards the end of last year I began to suffer Florence-fatigue. Her transformation from the Benjamin Buttons of indie-pop to the dolled-up hitmaker of today was disconcerting and I began to suspect she was a bit of a one-trick pony when the dreary and predictable "What The Water Gave Me" dropped a couple of months ago. Happily, "Shake It Out" restored my faith. The organs and tambourines give it an unexpected gospel sound and the lyrics kill me. I'm tempted to get this couplet tattooed on my forehead as a constant reminder to wise the fuck up:

I am done with my graceless heart,
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

So what do you do with a beautiful spiritual hymn that sinks like a stone on iTunes? Call Benny Benassi and ask him to jazz it up with a dance remix for radio. This sounds like a very bad idea for so many reasons but it works. I'm not too proud to admit that I love Benny's version. It's more palatable to non-depressed/damaged listeners and the superstar DJ's killer beats are going to tear up dancefloors around the globe. All of a sudden, the second coming of Florence fills me with joy. May she continue to sell out at every possible opportunity!

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Run The World - Remixed

The first batch of "Run The World (Girls)" remixes has landed and, as usual, Beyoncé delivers the goods. I have to admit I was concerned. Surely the ultimate remix of Bey's #12 Australian smash would be an instrumental of "Pon De Floor"? Well, team Knowles had a different idea and decided to gay this mother up! Dave Audé's mix is a typically crisp, mainroom floorfiller, while Jump Smokers remove most of the lyrics to give the track a harder edge. Their hot mix is the pick of the bunch but I like them all. Perhaps the most amusing is the Jochen Simms remix. It turns B's hood anthem into a future Oxford Street video jukebox classic and I say that with love and affection. I love how it tries to stay true to the original before giving up and catering to the gays. Hearing "I'm so hood wit dis" over trance synths makes my life. I worship it and can't wait for the full extended mix. You know it's only a matter of time until you see an army of shirtless gays doing the Pantsula to this!

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A Kylie Exclusive - Los Amores Remix

"Los Amores" is one of my favourite things about the entire "Aphrodite" era. The Spanish version of "All The Lovers" is utterly defining. It sounds like a classy Eurovision entry and you haven't lived until you've heard Kylie try to pronounce "cielo". I'll never forget hearing the song in Spain - performed live on the streets of Chueca by Tony Tornado. Dannii's divine sister would have cried tears of joy if she heard it! But as much as I love and adore this gorgeous anthem, I always assumed it was just a novelty. A love letter of sorts to Andrés Velencoso and her adopted homeland. Needless to say, I was more than a little surprised when MMB told me a remix of "Los Amores" had been commissioned but never used. He thinks it was intended for a Pride event but I don't think anyone knows for certain. And to be honest, I'm just happy it exists. Another killer collaboration with Polish DJs WAWA, the Anthem Mix more than lives up to its name. I'm not sure if it's due to the camp factor or the stunning accuracy with which the lyrics were translated but I actually prefer this to the English version. Now repeat after me:

Baila,
Es todo lo que quiero
¿Por qué no bailas?
Estoy aquí contigo, muevete.
Me meteré en tu ritmo y en su fuego, fuego, fuego.

With the producer's kind permission, enjoy "Los Amores (WAWA & MMB Anthem Mix)"!

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Luciana Hooks Up With Enrique!

Luciana's star continues to rise with a cameo on Dave Audé's brilliant remix of "Tonight (I'm Fuckin' You)". I love Enrique but the original version of this trash bores me to tears. It's a soulless mess with the charm of a used condom but the addition of Luci's heavenly vocals - combined with Dave's hot beats - proves once and for all that you can turn a sow's ear into a silk purse. The legendary dance diva provides the intro but her real moment comes at the 2:30 minute mark, when her saucy verse raises "Tonight" to previously unimagined heights. Luciana's trademark electro shouting is the perfect foil for Enrique's smooth voice and I love that she gives a female perspective on the topic. As expected, my boo gives as good as she gets, singing "I like it when you're rude, kiss me when I'm fucking you" before going on about being sticky and quoting lyrics from the Divinyls. It's pure filth but I love every second! Apart from the nod to "I Touch Myself", my favourite line is "I like the Gucci Gucci, you like the Luci Luci". We sure do. I have no idea what Enrique's label plans to do with this mix but they would be crazy to sit on it. "Tonight (I'm Fuckin' You)" just got ten times better! Give Luciana's latest triumph a listen below and stay tuned for the imminent release of "I'm Still Hot".
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I Like That - Remixed - Again!

It seems like a strange thing to say about the biggest crossover club hit of recent years - not to mention one of my favourite songs of all time - but I don't rate any of the "I Like That" remixes. It could be because I'm so attached to the original and find it pointless to fuck with perfection but there's something underwhelming about all of them. With one exception. Luciana's double platinum Australian smash is almost two years old now but the track has only just reached UK clubs, which means a whole new remix package. Predictably, most of them are shit but I'm in love with Adam F's drum and bass mix (below). He transforms "I Like That" into a demented Prodigy-esque floorfiller complete with sirens and a male vocal. It's edgy, brooding and almost scarily intense. Adjectives you can't apply to any of the other mixes. The makeover seems to be working given the song's recent peak at number 2 on the UK club chart. I can't believe the track is still burning up dancefloors around the world and I'm even more shocked that I'm still not over it! Stay tuned for a lot more from Luciana over the next few weeks but for now, fall in love with "I Like That" all over again.

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A Cupid Boy Club Release?

"Cupid Boy" is the best track on "Aphrodite". Hands down. As much as I love the epic gloom of "Closer" and the pure pop perfection of "Get Outta My Way", the Luciana penned/Swedish House Mafia produced belter is the album's only real club anthem. More importantly, it is a floorfiller with enormous crossover potential - exactly the kind of record Kylie needs to shake the Mother's Day artist tag she has been lumped with courtesy of dubious single choices like "Better Than Today". I know she is busy with the tour but a simple club release and live video (perhaps something along the lines of "Cowboy Style") would freshen up the diva's increasingly dowdy image no end and win favour with fans. And initially that was the plan. Parlophone commissioned a couple of "Cupid Boy" remixes and were set to push it to clubs this week but those plans appear to have changed. It's such a waste. Particularly when you hear the remixes. I only have permission to post the Stereogamous dub (below) but it gives you some idea of how epic the vocal version is. The boys completely deconstruct the song but I love the new dark and dirty direction. Fingers crossed Parlophone reconsider their decision and give this a push. If not, there's nothing stopping Warner Australia from giving the track a shove at home. Mushroom used to regularly take a punt on Australian only singles and it's about time Warner prove that they're even aware that Kylie's still on their register. In the digital age, which takes cost out of the equation, what exactly is stopping these labels from giving fans what they want?

EDIT: There's even a release "Cupid Boy" as a single fan page on Facebook. Like it or else!

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Mimi & The Video Of The Year!

How does she do it? Despite being 24 months pregnant and crazier than the person who gave Cassie Davis a record deal, Mariah still manages to churn out the most fabulous video of 2010 on a budget that would make Jessica Mauboy roll her eyes and say bitch, please. In case you haven't heard it yet, Mimi has released a dance remix of "Auld Lang Syne" just in time for New Year's Eve. I know what you're thinking - finally a worthy successor to J Lo's "Waiting For Tonight"! But the diva wasn't content at recording the soundtrack to a billion drunk party pashes, she also found the time to gay up the 31st of December even further by filming the amazingly cheap video extravaganza you find below. Seriously, this kills me. If I could marry a YouTube clip I would be happy to spend the rest of eternity with this. Leave it to Mimi to squeeze her extremely pregnant arse into a low cut baby doll mini-dress and preen her flowing locks like she's still on the set of "Dreamlover". Throw in the cheapest firework projection in film history, a bunch of tacky ad-libs ("Does anybody really know the words?" at 2:25 mins) and a remix sounds like it was put together by Eiffel 65 and you have an immediate trash classic. Bow down to her for she is holy!


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Temper Trap - Live At The Chapel

I usually don't blog about competitions but this one caught my interest and gives me an excuse to post one of my favourite remixes of 2010. Russian Standard Vodka are giving away tickets to see the always brilliant Temper Trap perform an acoustic set at The Chapel in Sydney. You also get accommodation and spending money but I think I'd prefer a crate of that delicious vodka and a couple of cartons of orange juice to swig at the show. But that's just me. Anyway, you can enter the draw here. If you win and need a hot date - hit me up! Ok, so the remix. Much earlier this year, The Temper Trap released "Love Lost" in the UK and commissioned a bunch of surprisingly fun remixes. My favourite was the dubiously titled Rock Da World Radio Edit (below). It's not quite the Axwell mix of "Sweet Disposition" but I like it. A lot!


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Carrie Mac - Hello (Moto Blanco Mix)

Now this caught me by surprise. I was randomly downloading a bunch of dance remixes and thought I'd check out Carrie Mac because I liked the love heart above the 'i' in her name. Yes, I'm really that shallow! It must have been fate because "Hello" is one of the cutest pop songs I've heard in a long time. The original is lovely in a Kelly Clarkson on Valium kind of way but the Moto Blanco boys transform it into a fabulous floorfiller with pretty synths and a subtle disco twist. I particularly love how they've stayed true to the bittersweet lyrics while still churning out a killer club anthem. Respect! As for Carrie - I don't know a lot about the 23 year old Scottish stunner. Apart from the fact that she released the song at the end of August and appears to have won a competition on Radio One. Why isn't Pop Justice all over this? "Hello" is brilliant and deserves to be huge. Carrie is the best thing to come out of Scotland since Ewan McGregor's dick!


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Marina & Fred Falke - Shampain Remixed

Before I get carried away with Marina, a quick bit of housekeeping. I finally gave in and joined Twitter. You can follow my musings or just say hello to me here. Toy soldiers, Bey stans and Kaci fans unite! Ok, so back to business. It's been a while since my last post on Marina & The Diamonds but my devotion to the Welsh beauty hasn't waned. "The Family Jewels" is easily one of the best albums of 2010 and I'm gagging for the diva to finally grace Australia with her fabulous presence in early 2011. Until then we have her 5th single to tide us over. And "Shampain" is smart choice. It's probably the most commercial track on the album after "Hollywood" and shows off Marina's lighter side. Not that "Shampain" is throwaway fluff. I love the lyrics ("drinking champagne - a bottle to myself, savour the taste of fabricated wealth") and think the video's fashionista zombie theme is a stroke of genius. But as much as I love the original, I'm a complete whore for a trashy dance mix and Fred Falke gays "Shampain" up admirably. To be honest, I prefer the extended club instrumental but Fred's radio mix is perfect Friday fodder. "Shampain" is released in the UK on the 11 of October. Pre-order your copy now!


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Friday Flashback - Miami Mix Madonna

There must be something wrong with me. Hating on Madonna is usually one of my favourite past times but lately I've found myself re-visiting some of the old troll's less grating moments. Like her cover of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" - or more specifically, the trashtastic Miami Mix. I don't know what it is about this camp mess but every time I hear it, I get the urge to build a time machine out of unsold copies of "Hard Candy" and travel back to 1997. You know, to an era when Madonna was still fun and didn't think twice about ruining a much loved classic of musical theatre in order to please the gays. And it worked. The Miami Mix was an Oxford Street smash and even crossed over to mainstream radio, pushing the song into the top 10 at a time when the poor man's Stacey Q couldn't buy a hit in Australia. In fact, listening to these 4 and a half glorious minutes of pure ridiculousness, I can't help but feel that Madonna's finest moments should be collated for eternity. Perhaps a compilation of her 90s trash classics? I'd throw in "Thief Of Hearts" and "Human Nature" for starters. Trust me, it would sell more than the "Immaculate Collection"!


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Brandy's Forgotten Gem

Brandy is one of my favourite 90s has beens. Don't get me wrong. She's no Monica or Tamia but songs like "I Wanna Be Down", "Baby" and "Have You Ever?" are guilty pleasures that I still occasionally dig out. Since her late 90s hey day, the diva's output has been fairly hit and miss. 2004's "Afrodisiac" was as shit as the title suggests but I thought 2008's "Human" was a stunning return to form. Unfortunately, no one else agreed and the album became the biggest flop of Brandy's career. It's a pity because the underrated opus houses at least one minor pop masterpiece. Written and produced by Bruno Mars and Darkchild, "Long Distance" is the kind of overwrought (in a good way) ballad that makes me want to listen to early Mariah and air grab for Australia. However, as much as I love the album version, my true allegiance lies with the brilliant Jody Den Broeder remix. This is one of those rare ballads that translates seamlessly into a dance anthem without losing the sentiment that made it special in the first place. "Long Distance" still packs an emotional punch and the lyrics get me every time. I just prefer to be sad to the sound of heavy house beats! File this under 'songs that should have been massive'.


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Who Is Isha Coco?

As far as American DJs go, Dave Audé is pretty close to the top of my list. He is the go to man for all the big divas - churning out hot remixes for superstars like Lady Gaga, Beyoncé and Heidi Montag. I'm still pumping his "Halo" mix on a daily basis 18 months later! Well, Dave has decided to get a piece of the action for himself and recently released a sizzling tune called "Figure It Out". The song is already top 10 on US club play and looks set to burn up dancefloors around the world. However, as much as I love Mr Audé, this post is really about the featured artist on that track - the mysterious Isha Coco. When I first heard "Figure It Out", I thought Isha's voice sounded familiar but couldn't quite place her. I did a bit of digging and finally got confirmation. It turns out Isha Coco is a stage name for a very famous female vocalist. This is a completely new style for her and I think she pulls it off brilliantly. No one believes me when I tell them who it is, so I thought I'd put it to you. Who is Isha Coco? The first person to guess correctly gets... my respect and admiration! Put on your thinking caps and give the track a listen (below).


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Get Outta My Way - Remixes

I know I'm a bit late with this one but I couldn't resist the urge to give my two cents on Kylie's new single cover and glorious "Get Outta My Way" remix sampler. And it's been at least 3 days since my last Minogue post, so I'm due for an update! The cover doesn't exactly blow me away - it looks a bit Photoshop-tastic and the cheap bitch really needs to consult her cutting edge fashionista sister about finding a new outfit - but she looks stunning and twice the Kylie can never be a bad thing. As for the remixes, so far so amazing. My favourite mix comes from Kris Menace, who transforms the song into the perfect soundtrack for an Ibiza sunset. I can almost smell the sweat and Sangria! A close second is Sidney Samson's crazy interpretation. Most of you will probably hate it but this might actually get played in Australian nightclubs (outside of Oxford St). There is, however, a glaring omission from the sampler - the trashtastic Bimbo Jones mix. I hope the track's absence doesn't mean that Parlophone decided to give it the flick. The remix is a hot mess of epic proportions but Kylie needs something low brow to keep the gays happy. "Get Outta My Way" is tentatively scheduled for release on the 27th of September. Fingers crossed it follows "All The Lovers" into the bottom reaches of the top 15. Jokes! I sense a smash. Now all we need is a fabulous video - preferably with more random white stallions and floating balloon animals. Check out MMB's remix sampler below. Well done, Mark!


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Kylie's Latest Chart Triumph

Dannii's ancient sister is on fire at the moment. "All The Lovers" not only rebounds from #29 to become a #13 SMASH in Australia this week, the song also jumped to #1 on the US dance chart. The first time Kylie has achieved that feat since "Slow". To be honest, I'm a bit surprised. "All The Lovers" is heavenly but the official mixes are pretty dreadful with the exception of WAWA & MMB's brilliant effort. Speaking of which, here is a fan made video for that remix. I love how the white horse and floating elephant now play starring roles! At least someone knows true talent when they see it. This fabulous shit should be played twice hourly at The Shift until "Get Outta My Way" is unveiled. Which I hope is sooner rather than later because I am officially obsessed with that song. More exciting Kylie news to report as soon as I'm sure I won't be sued!


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Baby, There's A Shark In The Water!

Ok, so I'm officially the last person on the VV Brown bandwagon. "Shark In The Water" kind of bored me when it was released last year and I rather stupidly dismissed the singer as another overhyped diva with a great stylist. But then I heard the Static Revenger remix recently and haven't been able to get the song out of my head. This tune is seriously more addictive than chocolate coated crack. I love how the remix beefs up the track without losing the retro charm of the original. All the catchy hooks are still there but the beats are heavier and that gorgeous chorus now packs an even greater punch. VV's smash (in my alternate universe) recently surprised everyone by crawling into the US top 100, so hopefully there's still some life left in her amazing flop album. I've grown to love every track on "Travelling Like The Light" but "Game Over", in particular, is crying out for a re-release. And let's face it. If Shontelle can score a top 15 hit in America, anything is possible! Give Static Revenger's fabulous "Shark In The Water" overhaul a listen below. This is my jam!


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Alexis Jordan Brings Me Happiness

Ok, that might be an exaggeration but I am very partial to the teenager's debut single "Happiness" - or more specifically, the ridiculously cute Jump Smokers remix (below). The 18 year old diva first came to prominence on America's Got Talent and was recently signed to Jay Z's Roc Nation label. Beyoncé's husband doesn't have a great track record of unearthing talent - after all, he foisted Rihanna upon the world - but I'm down with Alexis. She has an amazing voice (check this out, Brandy almost cums in her jeans!) and she's already stated that her album is going to be full of upbeat pop music. That leads us to her debut single. "Happiness" was produced by Stargate and, in its original form, is a fairly typical example of their work. I like it but the Jump Smokers really bring the song to life by speeding it up for the dancefloor and emphasising the multitude of hooks. It's so cute and catchy. Just be careful because you'll have "I got to hurry hurry hurry now, quick quick quick" stuck in your head for weeks! Oh and if you like your dance music a little more progressive, give the amazing Deadmau5 remix a spin. Alexis recently filmed a video for "Happiness" and her album is scheduled for release later this year. So far, so good. What a relief to finally have a teen sensation that isn't a prostitute or bible bashing virgin.


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How To Polish A Turd With Beyoncé

"Videophone" was the only real misstep of the entire Sasha Fierce era. I hated "Diva" to begin with but the brilliant Karmatronic remix went on to become my favourite floorfiller of 2009. Releasing "Broken Hearted Girl" was another dubious decision but the gorgeous video somehow made it bearable. Unfortunately, the album's 8th single was a total stinker. Bad song, worse remixes and a video that is only redeemed by Beyoncé's endless sex appeal and all round superiority to Lady Gaga. I guess you could argue that it really didn't matter by then but "Sasha Fierce" is still riding high in the Australian top 20 seventy two weeks after release - so who knows what a radio hit could have done for the album. It's frustrating because "Radio", "Smash Into You" and "Disappear" all had massive chart potential. Happily, I've finally found something to love about "Videophone" - the completely amazing WAWA remix (below). I'm a huge fan of the Polish house maestros but I think something got lost in translation because the boys have turned B's sleazy urban jam into the gayest dance anthem of 2010. Setting lyrics like "dem hustlers keep on talkin', they like the way I'm walkin'" to cheesy house beats should have been a complete disaster but it works. In an unintentionally hilarious kind of way! I just need someone to re-edit the video to this version and I can close the book on "Sasha Fierce" a satisfied fanboy. Oh and you might be wondering why new remixes are still being commissioned. The song is currently storming up the US dance chart (#5 with a bullet). If "Videophone" reaches #1, it will be the 6th song from the album to do so. That's got to be some kind of record. Right?

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A Kyrah Update

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a little post about Kyrah. Since then I've received more feedback about the rising pop star than anyone else I've featured on this blog in the past five years. It seems everyone loves Kyrah or loves to hate her. Either way, the new Ke$ha has definitely made an impact and I thought I'd give you an update on her latest movements. Firstly, "Uh Oh" has been confirmed as her debut single. The final radio edit will be mixed by Ash Howes (Kylie, Marina & The Diamonds and Little Boots) and remixes have already been commissioned from Digital Dog and Almighty. I haven't heard the latter - Since when did Almighty come back in fashion? I feel like it's 1997 all over again! - but the Digital Dog mixes are amazing. Check out the Digital Dog Radio Edit below. Great stuff but they've removed the now iconic lyric "wake up naked and it's oops I'm naked". Scandal! In other news, Kyrah is gearing up to film the "Uh Oh" video clip in the next couple of weeks. I'm told it will be old Hollywood meets white trash. Sounds right up my alley! Oh and she finally has a proper internet presence. Check out/add/follow Kyrah on:

1. Mixpod
2. Twitter
3. Myspace
4. Facebook

Anyway, here's her first remix:


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Give Yoko Something

I've always been fascinated by Yoko Ono. Until the arrival of Cheryl Cole, she was the world's most hated woman. A lesser being would have crumbled under the pressure but the Japanese icon wore the title as a badge of honour and just kept on doing her thing. It's taken 40 odd years but Yoko finally appears to have found her niche - as a 77 year old dance queen! 2007's fabulously titled "Open Your Box" has spawned 9 singles, the latest of which is a remix of her classic 1980 anthem "Give Me Something". The song is currently sitting at #3 on the US club chart and is as good a starting point as any for an exploration of the misunderstood diva's music career. "Walking On Thin Ice" will always be my favourite Ono opus but "Give Me Something" comes a close second. The quirky tune holds up incredibly well, making it the perfect candidate for a dance overhaul. I love the minimal but still meaningful lyrics, while Yoko's wonderfully demented vocal delivery sounds brilliant against the driving club beats. All of the remixes are amazing but I'm obsessed with the Stonebridge Vocal Mix (below). There's something cruel and clinical about the production that just works brilliantly. I wish Australian DJs would show Yoko as much love as their American counterparts because this hot bitch is the new Queen of Clubs! Fact.


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