"All of the Lights" is the fourth single by American hip hop recording artist Kanye West from his fifth studio album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. The song features additional vocals from several other recording artists, including John Legend, The-Dream, Elly Jackson, Alicia Keys, Fergie, Kid Cudi, Elton John, and Rihanna. Since its release on January 18, 2011, the single has reached #55 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 and #16 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs charts.Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Fergie Visit pop music records for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Welcome to the most surreal Pop Panel yet. This week's selection includes songs from an Asian girlband, a tranny, one of Sweden's biggest stars and the owner of Germany's most famous child bearing hips. And then there's our winner. I really don't know what to say. Our third place getter was clearly ROBBED but I'm too amused by the outcome to be outraged. Only on Pop Trash Addicts! As much as I enjoyed the bitching and shock voting, this week was all about our celebrity guest judge. We've been blessed by the presence of a beautiful orange angel but more about her later. I should also reveal that I've implemented a small change this week by reducing the number of songs to seven after complaints that Pop Panel takes longer to read than War and Peace. Let me know what you think - if I should reduce the number of songs further or keep it as is. Anyway, time to get on with it. The Panel is comprised of the following bitches bloggers:
D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger and Idolator J-Step (AUS) music industry insider Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog Robpop (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet
And then there's our special celebrity guest - the one and only Kelly Llorenna! This is such an honour. I've been obsessed with the golden goddess of pop since I first heard "Set You Free" in the 90s. She is a true legend and one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of dealing with. K Lo is still busy working on her Freak Asylum project with Love To Infinity but hopefully we'll be hearing something new before the end of the year. I'll update you as soon as there is any news regarding a release date. In the meantime, read my interview with the original Queen of Clubs and check out her iconic improvement of Madonna's "Dress You Up" (below).
As usual, the results are ranked from lowest to highest.
D'Luv: Cascada's 17th attempt at remaking "Poker Face" comes close, but no cigar. At least this video had a budget of 30 euros. 2/5 J-Step: Fucking stupid song! Honestly, I go from liking Cascada to being a hater with each single release. Needless to say, I'm back on team hater. 2/5 Kelly Llorenna: Disappointed with this. Prefer when they are doing more uptempo stuff like "Evacuate the Dancefloor" etc. This just seems very weak compared to the fab pop tracks they have had out in the past... not really feeling the video either. They have done some great vids in the past but this is not one of my faves. I give it 2/5. Mike: Poor Natalie looks like a plus sized Oompa Loompa in the video but this is entirely acceptable dance trash. Bring on the Yanou Candlelight Mix! 2.5/5 Robpop: An epic titanic shit track of leviathan proportions. 0/5 The Prophet: Why are these floptastic failures still releasing music? Ugh. I give this song some credit though because it's not as in-your-face HI-NRG as the rest of their stuff, and I respect them for slightly toning down their sound and trying something slightly different for a change. It's just a shame the song is so boring. 2/5 Total: 11/30
D'Luv: I love how, to break Alesha in America, they have a total white trash couple fighting in a trailer in the video. It's like the "Love The Way You Lie" clip on a shoestring budget and with actors who actually suck worse than Megan Fox. It'll probably work, and this song will be a smash! 2/5 J-Step: Oh, Jesus, I thought Cascada was bad!!! Alesha attempting a ballad is so much worse than Cascada vomiting up and eating the same song for 10 years! 0.5/5 Kelly Llorenna: I was disappointed with this after loving the first single "Drummer Boy" off the new album and the video too. A bit "middle of the road" ballad for miss Dixon. She looks great as usual in the video but not as strong as her other stuff. Shame! As I do like her... I give it 3/5. Mike: "Radio" sounds like something Ryan Tedder spewed out in 5 minutes between ads while watching the Antiques Roadshow but I kind of like it. Just a shame it was wasted on a talent free zone like Alesha. 3/5 Robpop: If the Cascada track was a Titanic mess, then this is its sister ship, the rms olympic which stayed the course as a ship and was eventually retired. In other words, this is okay but nothing outstanding. It manages to keep its course as an average listenable tune but will ultimately find itself retired into the sunset of the ether. 2/5 The Prophet: When is Alesha DICKson going to realise nobody cares about her solo career? An epic fail at ripping of Queen Robyn on this song. Ew. 0/5 Total: 11/30
Darin - Lovekiller (below)
Swedish pop star dusts off new single.
D'Luv: The appeal of this guy has escaped me for the large part of his career, though I like a few of his songs. This one's pretty exceptional. Just a really good, non-conventional ballad. 4/5 J-Step: If this really is Sweden's 'King of Pop' then they're in dire need of some new talent. This song (worst metaphor EVER) is almost laughable. When the hell are you supposed to pump this out of your speakers? Mine have just given me a strongly worded warning featuring many expletives that if I even think about doing it again they're going to incinerate themselves. 1/5 Kelly Llorenna: Always love videos which start as a feature film. It took a few plays for me to get into this but kind of like it. I don't really know a lot about this guy but he seems to be doing something right. Nice voice too. I think there are bigger songs to come from him yet. The song is ok but easily forgotten. The bit in the video where they are in the church with black eyes freaked me out! lol! 3/5 Mike: And the award for the most heavy handed and depressing metaphor in recent pop history goes to Darin. This made me want to take a warm bath with a sharp razor. The thing is - I kind of love how over the top it is and will probably play "Lovekiller" on the repeat when I'm old, alone and living in a rundown caravan park with 30 cats. 3.5/5 Robpop: Oh there are those strings again. 2 points already. By the time of chorus kicks in, you could imagine this being sung by Jordin Sparks. Not that that's entirely a bad thing but it is totally void of character and emotion. As a stand alone song I feel this is actually the best of the bunch this week but there is absolutely emotion or soul in it. Leaves me numb. 3/5 The Prophet: Darin is only relevant when he's performing with the LEGENDARY Kat DeLuna. Flop. 0/5 Total: 14.5/30
D'Luv: Great. So a pack of Korean strippers got ahold of daddy's Platinum Visa card, Mapquested their way to Victoria's Secret and now think they're Girls Aloud. They've actually got 50 times more charisma than Girls Aloud, but this is still boring as fuck. 1/5 J-Step: They're no BoA! Catchy chorus, though. And I love the clip! 3/5 Kelly Llorenna: Wasn't sure what to expect from this girlband as I had never heard anything about them but was pleasantly surprised!! Very catchy pop song which reminded me of something Girls Aloud would do. Really liked the video too... very poppy and couldn't stop singing it all day lol. The only thing I couldn't figure out was how many where in the band!? lol! I give it 4/5. Mike: If the Wonder Girls are Asia's answer to Destiny's Child, then I guess that makes Girls Generation the Korean Shakaya. 1/5 Robpop: Reasonably okay pop from Girls Generation. A bit too tedious and lukewarm for me. It kinda sounds like an S Club 8 b-side. 3/5 The Prophet: These girls never fail to have the best and catchiest hooks on all their stunning hits. "Hoot" is no "Gee" but it's still amazing, nonetheless. 5/5 Total: 17/30
D'Luv: No. 0/5 J-Step: Hot song, hot video = HOT, HOT, HOT!!! 4/5 Kelly Llorenna: Love it, love it. love it!!! My fave out of all the reviews. I am a massive fan of Slash and Fergie. This rocks!!! This is one of them tracks I wish I had done!!! lol! Slash's guitar licks and Fergie's bad ass voice!!! Winning formula!!! And the video!!! Wow!!! And the best butt award goes to? Wow she looks amazing!!! My fave!!! 5/5 Mike: Absolutely stunning. This was never going to be a hit but I love everything about it. The Dutchess shows P!nk how a real rock chick rolls! And as much as it pains me to admit, I agree with The Prophet. Fergie needs to take a holiday from the Peas and do her own thing. Someone needs to put the pretenders in check. 5/5 Robpop: Crap.0/5 The Prophet: Fergie just SNATCHED AND SLAYED your faves! Stay mad! She needs to fuck off this electro shit with the Black Eyed PEA BRAINS and start work on her own ROCK album. 5/5 Total: 19/30
D'Luv: This is what Hell sounds like, as produced by C+C Music Factory. 5/5 J-Step: I prefer spearmint, bitch. Leave the yelling to Kelis. Keep the guy, though! 2.5/5 Kelly Llorenna: I feel a RuPaul vibe here! The song reminds me of a Britney track. The song is slightly weak for me but the video makes up for it as it's very glam and sexy. I couldn't remember the song...but I could tell you all about the video! lol! I give it 2/5 for song, 4/5 for video. Mike: Ultra Nate called and wants her "Automatic" video back but I can't hate on Peppermint despite her ruthless swagga jacking. Any diva that spends her entire video groping a naked man is ok by me and I love that the song sounds like an En Vogue B-side from 1992. 5/5 Robpop: When I heard Naomi Campbell was releasing an album with Lenny Kravitz back in the heady days of the 1990's I thought she'd put out something like this. Despite being a tiny bit dated, this is not bad. Not overly brilliant. But good. 2.5/5 The Prophet: It's no "Tranny in the House" but it's still epically defining. I just wanna EAT that guys ASS like I'm MUNCHING on a giant slice of WATERMELON! Is that too vulgar? Whatever. 4.5/5 Total: 21.5/30
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Susan Boyle – Perfect Day (below)
Susie covers Lou Reed.
D'Luv: I'd fuck her. 5/5 J-Step: Surprisingly enough, I like this. Anyone else see the parallels with Vanessa Amorosi's "Perfect"? Both in the name and video's sweeping pan shots... haha, love it! 4/5 Kelly Llorenna: After seeing her on Piers Morgan, I actually really like her now. I still prefer Lou Reed's version but this is not bad... got a Christmas vibe going on with the choir and bells and chimes in the background! lol. It reminds me of something Cliff Richard would bring out (as he normally does) for Christmas... I give it 2.5/5. Mike: The arrangement is cute in a vomit inducing kind of way and there's no denying Susie's hypnotic sex appeal but I wish K Lo had recorded a stunning Hi-NRG cover version instead. "Perfect Day" needs Kelly's powerhouse vocals and legendary golden glow! Maybe next year? 3.5/5 Robpop: Actually, this is a beautiful arrangement. For sure, I have "issues" with the cover and the singer but putting those prejudices aside this is actually a rather stunning version. I like the way they've brought in strings. Something of which I have a huge weak spot for. Respect goes to covers which have re-worked it and brought out different aspects, narratives and emotions that weren't really there originally. 5/5 The Prophet: I LOVE Auntie Susie! I know Susie's turned this classic into an English Church hymn but I don't care. I even bought this single legally on iTunes. That Susie reign just won't let up! 5/5 Total: 25/30
The term 'hot mess' is an accurate description of tonight's Pop Panel. My lovely celebrity judge had to pull out at the last minute, there are 9 songs instead of the usual 8 due to a one man protest over the conspicuous absence of a certain diva from last week's line up and The Prophet effectively sabotaged the chances of a certain pop princess. I would have scrapped it and started over if I didn't find the chaos so damn funny. As for the winner, I thought Robyn would run away with it but the votes turned out to be extremely close. Probably because it was a strong week (make sure you check out the stunning anthem from New Zealand's amazing Lori Watt) and I sense the beginning of a backlash against the Scandinavian pop deity. I guess people are starting to realise how shit "Body Talk" really is. Anyway, enough stirring! The following man whores are responsible for this week's shock result:
J-Step (Aus) - the mysterious music industry figure returns for a second week.
Aaron (New Zealand) - I love this guy! Aaron has been a friend of mine since the glory days of La Toya's Haven and has since gone on to make a name for himself on NZ's gay scene, first as a La Toya drag impersonator (watch this and weep!) and then as part of the country's first drag girlband (below). He now runs New Zealand's hottest gay website. Check out Aaron and Andy for music news, hot gossip and douching tips. I'll never drink bottled water again!
As usual the results are ranked lowest to highest.
Aaron: What happened to Rihanna? She was so good then came "Rated R". This isn't terrible, it's just dull like both "Russian Roulette" and "Te Amo". Even the addition of Slash can't get me excited about this. 2/5 D'Luv: WRETCHED. 0/5 J-Step: Prefer this over "Te Amo' completely. That being said, it isn't all that either. Is it time we officially called this bitch a try hard and moved on? 3/5 Mike: RiRi-diculous. 0/5 Paul: Jesus Christ on a cross, I'm not sure how many more Rihanna singles I can take! She releases more of one album than say, Westlife have from the past 4. If I've not been entirely won over by her by now then I can't see this changing my mind. 2/5 The Prophet: After seeing this video I went from being a Rihanna hater to a Rihanna stan overnight. I'm a huge fan of the "Rated R" record now, and "Rockstar 101" is one of the best cuts from it. Rihanna is probably the worst female singer and performer of the past decade, but style and great songs have turned her into a superstar and the "Rockstar" video really embodies everything that makes Rihanna, Rihanna. 5/5 Total: 12/30
David Guetta & Chris Willis Feat. Fergie & LMFAO – Gettin’ Over You (Video)
Guetta gets fergalicious!
Aaron: LMFAO = amazing and Fergie = pantswetting hot mess, so this should be good except David Guetta is just so boring. 3/5 D'Luv: The first version was bad enough. LMFAO just makes it even more shit. And Guetta needs to get a new sound. (Get-a it?) 0/5 J-Step: This is pure David Guetta. Fun, pumping and likeable. He better stop this before he gets a name for himself! 4/5 Mike: Fuck LMFAO, David Guetta and Chris Willis. This stunning anthem is all about goddess Fergie, who continues to inspire a generation of drag queens with her tasteful make-up and costume choices. Big, dumb fun. 3.5/5 Paul: Well clearly David has peaked with Kelly Rowland's "Commander" this year then. Not that this is entirely horrible, it certainly has its moments, but I'm not unfolding in my pants over it. 2.5/5 The Prophet: Absolute trash. I'll give it one point for LMFAO and Fergie's titties. 1/5 Total: 14/30
Aaron: I'm ashamed to be a New Zealander. I'm sure I've seen this no talent busking outside the local Westfield. If I'd realised I'd have to endure her again, I would've thrown something at her. Yuck yuck yuck! 0/5 D'Luv: When this broad held that note on the line "I'm not the only ooooooooone," my cat's ears shot straight back. Lori is a true talent! Watch and learn, Rihanna. Well, I know what I'll be masturbating to for the next year. 5/5 J-Step: God help us all! 0/5 Mike: Sarah McLachlan, Aimee Mann and Jewel just threw in the towel because they know they can never compete with the mind-bending brilliance of Lori Watt. With a voice that sounds like Britney (live without autotune) and the magnetic charisma of crazy homeless woman, New Zealand's greatest living talent takes you places that should be illegal. This defining masterpiece will leave a chill in your vein and potential deafness in your ear. 5/5 Paul: Fucking ghastly. 0/5 The Prophet: Mike, you know you are a hot mess for this one! This is so amazing that I can't even speak, so I'm going to let the Youtube comments on the video do the talking for me: "Truly amazing! I can relate to the lyrics after my bad breakup" and "Hauntingly, achingly beautiful. Thank you". 4.5/5 Total: 14.5/30
Aaron: I don't know why, but when it comes to male singers, I have a real soft spot for trashy Russians. This is the first Sergey song I've heard and I'm now obsessed. He's my new Dima Bilan! I hope he likes to get his gear off as much as Dima. 5/5 D'Luv: Nyet, Boy Gaga. 0/5 J-Step: Conceptually, this track and its video is the result of Christina Aguilera's "Not Myself Tonight" and George Michael's "Freeek!" engaging in a session of love making. But seriously Sergey, why the frig am I ringing the alarm for? I do, however, love the symbolic shape in the video's 2:40 mark. 2/5 Mike: A Russian twink channels Lady Gaga on a $10 budget. Is it wrong that I kind of love it? 3.5/5 Paul: Oh the nerve! The sheer gall! The unmitigated audacity!! He's basically rewritten G'Gah's "Just Dance" and made it a man-pop song. It's not bad at all, and I'm a fan of Sergey mainly because he does look like a low class rent boy who'd do the really dirty stuff for an extra tenner. So it's a bit generic but a lot of fun. Love the weeding of the lady garden amidst her ruffles. 3.5/5 The Prophet: Russian pop is garbage without t.A.T.u! 1/5 Total: 15/30
Infernal – Love Is All (below)
Denmark's greatest export returns with a new single.
Aaron: Hmmmm. I want to like this. I love the beat, but something about it just doesn't gel with me. The vocals sound a bit like a bad Steps remix. I think they need to go Paris or Berlin and get some better sounds. 3/5 D'Luv: This sounds like something from Gina G's 1996 Fresh album. (That's a good thing!) I don't think I've ever actually seen full-on fucking in a music video before, though. Weird. 3/5 J-Step: Infernal were one of my true loves in 2005, but this is a HUGE step backwards. Always having a tight, superior Euro sound, this just sounds like a god awful piece of 90s shit that was produced in 45 seconds. The whole package is saved by the video's impressive cinematography. They're both capable and worthy of so much more. 2.5/5 Mike: God bless Paw and Lena. Bitches are falling over themselves to hate on Infernal's comeback but they can do no wrong in my book. Admittedly, "Love Is All" is a bit of a grower and I feel unclean after watching the video but the chorus is deceptively catchy and I love the 90s throwback sound. 3.5/5 Paul: The Danes return! It's cookie cutter rave pop and they are capable of so much better but the video is bonkers x 10 and the chorus gets catchier each time I hear it. They usually have much better on their albums than the first single indicates so I'm excited for a "long player" as the kids say... 3/5 The Prophet: This is so trashy that I can't help but love it. The video defines me. 3.5/5 Total: 18.5/30
While the rest of the world gets "I Like It", Spain and latin America are treated to this jam.
Aaron: When Enrique sings in Spanish, it either gives me shivers up my spine, or I find myself reaching for the skip button. This is more a skip button. It's cute enough but just doesn't really go anywhere, and why is the teacher speaking in English at the start of the video? 3/5 D'Luv: This is okay, I guess. It kind of makes me want to dig out his good stuff, like "Be With You" and that ping pong shit. I'd hit it with Enrique. 2.5/5 J-Step: Who thought cheese could be so boring? Once you've gone pop you can't stop! 2/5 Mike: I'm a total whore for any old shit sung in Spanish and I've always had a hard spot for Enrique, so this is a no brainer. 4/5 Paul: I do like Enrique the pop star. He still pleases me all these years on. And I do like the Spanish language - it's more sensual than the romantic French, so I feel like Enrique is trying to get me quickly onto his satin sheets. It's a rather nice mid-tempo tune where the two blokes get to croon each other off to their hearts content. 3/5 The Prophet: OMG amazing! I love Enrique but I didn't listen to any of the new stuff after that shitty RedOne song leaked. I didn't realise he was still doing good music too. God he is so hot. And Lol @ that fat kid getting hit in the gut with the ball. 4.5/5 Total: 19/30
Alison & Co release the second single from "Head First".
Aaron: I groaned a little when I saw this on the list... I've never been able to get into Goldfrapp and so left this to last with a bit of dread. But how wrong was I? This is lovely! Also loving the 70s porn meets Satan doing Cher Fitness video. 4/5 D'Luv: Not the most immediate single choice from "Head First", but it's still an awesome track. People have complained about how cheap the video looks, but I think it's better than that last piece of shit Beyonce threw up. 5/5 J-Step: The intended clever irony is totally lost on me. This is the kind of pointless shit that pisses me off. Is it really worth all the cash and effort to just try be funny and have a dig at something? How is this the same duo that gave us Strict Machine? Stop trying to comment on everything that's wrong with music, bitches, and start actually producing something decent for us to talk about and enjoy! 1.5/5 Mike: "Rocket" was completely irresistible but this strikes me as more of an accomplished album track. I do love the dreamy synths and share Alison's obvious obsession with Olivia Newton-John but the chorus doesn't really do it for me. 3.5/5 Paul: Bloody lovely. It's airy, floating, ethereal, charming disco-pop and I can't get enough of this single or their rather brilliant album. Alison sounds like she's having the whispery time of her life. It just seeps into your brain and refuses to get out. Like a semen stain but more pleasant. 4/5 The Prophet: The song is great, but ya'll know the video is where it's at! We're not supposed to review the video but fuck it, I"m still taking it into account. 4/5 Total: 22/30
Sweden's favourite hobbit unveils her stalker anthem.
Aaron: Robyn is the 13th greatest female performer of all time and this continues to demonstrate why she is so amazing. While she's never gonna top "Show Me Love", this is right up there. 4.5/5 D'Luv: It's a shame this leaked two months before its actual scheduled release. I think the song actually better than most of the stuff on her last album. I hope complete-fail amateurs like Beyonce, Ciara and Keri Hilson hear Robyn's stunning soul pipes and just drop on the spot. 5/5 J-Step: I'm just not lapping this up like I thought I would. It just feels like I've heard it all before. Come to think of it, I have. Seriously, Robyn, go away for another five years and take two doll, 'cause this just ain't making the cut! 2/5 Mike: I've already written about "Dancing On My Own" at length. In a nutshell - it is the saving grace of the thus far woeful "Body Talk" experience. This is nuclear powered pop with (a broken) heart and soul. Exquisite. 5/5 Paul: I've never really got Robyn the way other bloggers spaff their love chuff over her. This is pleasant enough though isn't it, though it's hardly the second coming of Christ or whatever. I do quite like the chorus lyrics and I probably wouldn't turn it off if it came on the radio. And I do see why people like her, I just never warmed to her. 3.5/5 The Prophet: I would've given this 4 or 5, but it's so obvious that it's probably gonna win the Panel this week, so I'm gonna fight the system and sabotage it. La Résistance! 2/5 Total: 22/30
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Ke$ha - Your Love Is My Drug (below)
Pop's classiest flower returns with the 3rd single from "Animal".
Aaron: She is the worst thing to happen to the world since Taylor Swift. 0/5 D'Luv: The New Queen Of Soul delivers yet another smash hit. Her CD hasn't left my car since January, and this angelic hymn, co-written by her mother, never ceases to make my crotch tingle. 5/5 J-Step: Oh, look, it's the cheap Britney/Pink/GaGa/Christina wannabe! The song's catchy enough, but the woman herself just makes me want to hate everything about her and her stuff! 3.5/5 Mike: I'm appalled by the small minded haters on this Panel. Ke$ha is the Bob Dylan of our generation and deserves our love and respect! The entirely original cultural icon continues to stun and amaze with the latest single from her flawless album of high class pop gems. And seeing her live with The Prophet was one of the defining moments of 2010! 5/5 Paul: I can't help but like this song. it's so infernally catchy and rather addictive and engaging. And that's a bit of a problem for me because i don't really like Ke$ha although i'm scared to say because Mike will probably end up having her as a guest blogger next week! But this is jolly good sing out loud pop. 4/5 The Prophet: YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Ke$ha just snatched every fuckin' wig in the game! The h@t3rZ said that she would be a one-hit-wonder but now she's on her third consecutive top ten platinum certified smash! Mike and I have actually had the pleasure of basking in Ke$ha's holy glow at a really intimate and exclusive live concert in Sydney, where we got to touch her and get covered in glitter. You mad? 5/5 (or if possible 10/5). Total: 22.5/30
"Gettin' Over You" is the official remix for "Gettin' Over", a song recorded by French disc jockey, David Guetta. The remix was released on April 12, 2010 and features vocals by Chris Willis, Fergie and LMFAO. The song has so far reached #83 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100.Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Fergie Visit pop music records for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Halfway through "The E.N.D." I was ready to declare it the best pop album of 2009, such is the brilliance of tracks like "I Gotta Feeling", "Alive" and "Rock That Body". Unfortunately, the albums loses a bit of momentum and the second half is something of a letdown in comparison. That doesn't change the fact that "The E.N.D." is an extraordinarily fun album. This is one of those rare discs that you could spin at a party and be guaranteed to please the vast majority of people in the room. The move towards electro and dance is inspired and no act in modern music bridges the gap between hip hop and pop better than the Black Eyed Peas.
Given their usually obtuse lyrics about Fergie's humps and endless sex appeal, it comes as something of a surprise that the band has a theme this time around. I guess you could even call "The E.N.D." a concept album of sorts. In the liner notes will.i.am writes eloquently about the death of record stores and the demise of music in a physical form - and this collection of tunes deals with what comes next. It's all about the future of music and that's reflected in the robotic beats, computerised voice effects and fearless blending of genres. There's even a song about Facebook and Myspace! The result is a fresh and exciting album that sometimes buckles under the weight of its own epic scale. Coming in at 25 tracks (if you buy the Deluxe Edition and I highly recommend you do), "The E.N.D." is almost overwhelming. However, in the days of individual track downloading and homemade playlists, it's easy to come up with a version to suit almost everyone and, to be honest, I think that's the whole point of "The E.N.D." - to celebrate the digital world and all the new opportunities it brings.
Here's my track by track review:
Boom Boom Pow - 8/10
This sets the tone of the album perfectly with its robotic voice effects and futuristic beats. However, it's not representative of the rest of the songs at all. "Boom Boom Pow" is the only track that has been deconstructed to such a devastating extent. I know a lot of people despise "Boom Boom Pow" but I think it's clever, post modern and ridiculously catchy despite (or perhaps because of) its minimalist approach. That being said, I couldn't cope with a whole album of this shit without falling into some kind of hypnotic trance. Thankfully the Peas realise this and are smart enough not to use the same trick twice.
Rock That Body - 8.5/10
French DJ David Guetta joins will.i.am for production duties on this epic dance track and the result is surprisingly brilliant. In fact, you could be forgiven for mistaking "Rock That Body" for a Daft Punk song. That's not to say it's a rip off. The mash of electronic and trance elements has been done before but not within the context of urban music. I particularly love the sample of Lynn Collins' disco classic "Think (About It)" and can see this being a club smash.
Meet Me Halfway - 10/10
This is my equal favourite song on "The E.N.D." and I'm incredibly bitter that it's been wasted as one of three pre-album promotional singles along with "Imma Be" and "Alive". It's such a relief to have Fergie take over vocal duties after remaining very much in the background for the first two tracks. In fact, the holy Queen of urban pop takes a backseat for most of the album. You can still hear old methhead's stunning vocals on almost every track but she doesn't rule the microphone to the extent she has on past albums - a clear ploy to distinguish "The E.N.D." from "The Dutchess", which (let's face it) featured almost exactly the same line-up of producers and songwriters. It works in places but there's no denying the album lifts every time we hear that fergalicious voice and "Meet Me Halfway" is a perfect example. This glorious synth drenched, pure pop anthem channels Madonna and Stacey Q at the height of their mid-80s fabulousness. I really hope Fergie's next solo album sounds a little something like this.
Imma Be - 3/10
I can appreciate the skill displayed on this track. The production is slick and the rhymes are tight but I'm too gay, too old and way too white to sing along to lyrics like "Y'all niggers wanna talk shit"!
I Gotta Feeling - 10/10
David Guetta has been one of the world's hottest DJs for years but if "I Gotta Feeling" is anywhere near as huge as I think it's going to be, it's only a matter of time before he's an A-list producer as well. The second single from "The E.N.D." is quite simply the year's best party anthem. This is the perfect soundtrack for a big night out. "I Gotta Feeling" captures the moment of standing in front of the mirror on a Saturday night, flattening your asymmetrical haircut or undertaking some last minute manscaping. It's about the excitement of what's to come and the potential the night holds. This is uplifting, catchy and utterly joyous.
Alive - 9/10
This is another fantastic song that was rudely wasted as a promotional single. Will.i.am returns to the production desk for this gorgeous disco-soul-hip hop hybrid. As sunny and relaxed as a Sunday afternoon, "Alive" is an unexpected treat among all the club bangers and party anthems. This loses one point for a bit of vocoder overkill. Other than that, this breezy little gem is almost perfect.
Missing You - 8.5/10
Fergie pushes the pretenders aside to belt out the chorus on this winner. Produced by Printz Board (the man who crafted "Differently" for Cassie Davis), "Missing You" is a poptastic chorus wedged between electro verses and rap interludes. Like "Differently", it sounds like three different songs rolled into one but in this case it works.
Ring-A-Ling - 5/10
Despite being catchy in an incredibly annoying kind of way, "Ring-A-Ling" is a song in search of a melody. Think of this as an uptempo version of "Boom Boom Pow" without the killer rhymes. The production (courtesy of Keith Harris) is dazzling but as mum always says, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. However, this is perfectly acceptable as an album track.
Party All The Time - 8/10
Yet another effortlessly uplifting and catchy party anthem. And again it's Fergie's vocal that lifts this track to the next level. The almost industrial electro beats are sometimes overwhelming but I defy you not to move your feet. I love the trashy lyrics and Fergie sings the hell out of the chorus. This just makes you want to down a beer and throw your hands in the air. My favourite lyric is "I want to party like Ibiza, we don't need a visa" and when Fergie begs "take me to the club so we can dance". This distills every fun weekend you've every had and rolls them all into one song.
Out Of My Head - 8/10
Fergie's only real lead vocal is on a track about being pissed in a club. Classy! It took me a couple of listens to warm to the deep funk of "Out Of My Head" but I like it more every time I hear it. The brass is a nice surprise and the line where Fergie demands vodka and Red Bull is seriously fabulous. This sounds a little like Jamiroquai - if he were a cheap, drunken whore on the prowl for penis.
Electric City - 5/10
A slightly monotonous rap track with migraine inducing sound effects. I swear Fergie sings "pictures of my dick, no my dildo". If that's the case, I take it all back and give this 10/10.
Showdown - 6.5/10
Band member apl.de.ap is given production duties on "Showdown" and he does a good job. It's nice to actually hear a couple of real instruments and the dance-hip hop blend works well, particularly in the chorus. I just think this is missing the hook to take it to the next level but it's decent filler.
Now Generation - 6/10
This is the song I mentioned earlier about social networking sites. It's fun and suits the album's theme but the lyrics are pretty embarrassing given that Fergie & co are all staring down the barrel of middle age. "Now Generation" has potential but the production is underdone and again, it lacks a hook. Even Fergie's wicked chorus can't save it.
One Tribe - 7/10
After a string of uninspiring electro-rap numbers, the Peas redeem themselves on this world music flavoured call for peace. I love the "woahs" and the simple lyrics are inspiring without being preachy. Think of this as the upbeat cousin of their breakthrough smash "Where Is The Love". C'mon, let's catch amnesia!
Rockin' To The Beat - 6.5/10
This disco meets electro floorfiller is a blatant excuse to play around with different production techniques and technologies. It's fun but there's no meaning to or emotion behind it and the song ultimately brings nothing new to "The E.N.D.". That said it's a perfectly harmless conclusion to an otherwise fun album.
Bonus Disc
Where You Wanna Go - 8.5/10
I can't believe this catchy little tune didn't make the final cut! "Where You Wanna Go" has hit written all over it! Will.i.am's short bursts of rap cradle a remarkable pop-rock chorus that allows Fergie to show off her powerful pipes. This is definitely worth hunting down.
Simple Little Melody - 9/10
Boys Noize are a relatively unknown German production outfit but I wish the Peas had hired them to produce more than this solitary track. "Simple Little Melody" is a wicked cross between Eiffel 65 and Royksopp that wouldn't sound out of place on a 90s trance compilation. Well, the bits without the futuristic effects anyway! This delivers exactly what the title promises - a simple little melody that gets stuck in your head and refuses to budge. It's worth buying the Deluxe Edition of "The E.N.D." for this gem alone. As Fergie sings, this "equals BEP, bitch"!
Mare - 4/10
Unfortunately, this isn't about a horse. It's just another rape of an old A R Rahman song. Can the Indian craze please be over soon? I'm yet to hear anything decent come from it and that includes PCD's abysmal "Jai Ho".
Don't Bring Me Down - 7/10
Slightly reminiscent of "Pump It", this joyous little number borrows elements from 70s rock and soul. The rap verses are slightly boring but the feel good chorus is another winner. It's just not quite as polished as the other party anthems on the album.
That's The Joint - 2/10
An unnecessary jazz improv session that feels extremely out of place. "That's The Joint" really should be collecting dust on a studio shelf somewhere.
Another Weekend - 4.5/10
This boring and anonymous hip hop jam will only appeal to urban fans. Fergie's vocal is slinky and sexy but this goes nowhere fast.
Bonus Remixes - 7/10
The bonus disc also includes the following remixes of previous BEP hits. They're all fun but none of them improve on the original. That being said, they're nice to have in the collection and it's nice to get some value for money for a change.
Pump It Harder (a remix of "Pump It") Let's Get Re-Started (a remix of "Let's Get Retarded") Shut The Phunk Up (a remix of "Shut Up") Don't Phunk Around (a remix of "Don't Phunk With My Heart")
I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since my last post! It's a bit of an understatement to say that my operation was a complete disaster. Basically, everything that could go wrong did go wrong - from a brief coma to a rather unpleasant bout of internal bleeding. It was really tough but hopefully the worst is behind me. Thanks a bunch for the kind comments, texts and e-mails. They cheered me up no end!
As far as blogging is concerned, I kind of don't know where to start. There are a couple of major changes on the horizon but for the time being it's business as usual. I wanted to return with a bang but I thought I'd keep things simple by just writing a quick post about the songs that have kept me company over the past few weeks. In my defence, I have been heavily sedated for most of that time - which could explain some of my choices!
Here are my top ten tracks from March/April 2009:
The gorgeous Lisa Mitchell
1. Coin Laundry - Lisa Mitchell
I hated Lisa Mitchell on Australian Idol and rudely wrote her off as a dull Sarah Blasko wannabe. I take it all back. Lisa brings something unique and lovely to the local music scene. My opinion changed when I heard her song "Neopolitan Dreams" on a UK television advert for soap powder and finally started to get her quirky appeal. Now I'm completely besotted. "Coin Laundry" is one of the best Australian pop songs released this year. It's so simple and pretty. I love the pared back beats and Lisa's romantic lyrics. Hopefully, she'll make an equally appealing video to accompany the song. In the meantime you can hear it on her Myspace.
2. El Camino - Sol Rojo
Sol is clearly the sexiest woman in Spain or the rest of the world for that matter. Her stunning features and incredibly broad child-bearing hips are almost enough to turn me straight! Happily, her music is just as fabulous as her image. I've been loving "El Camino" since last year but it really clicked over the past few weeks. It's so bright and sunny - the perfect antidote for a foul mood or a pesky coma. Make sure you check out the HOT video. Sol was made to be an FHM covergirl!
3. Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
This is such a potent piece of pop music. Every time "Zero" comes on the radio, I have to pump up the volume and sing along. I've never been a fan of the band but "Zero" ticks all of my boxes from the electric production to the anthemic chorus. There's just something shiny and uplifting about the track, which is a surprise given their cooler than cool image. I'm really shocked this wasn't a bigger hit but I guess the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are more of an albums act. Speaking of which, I really should check out "It's Blitz!".
4. Siren Song - Bat For Lashes
I haven't shut up about Bat For Lashes this year. "Daniel" still has me completely and utterly under its spell but I initially found the album quite disappointing. "Two Suns" is finally starting to click with me - largely due to the brilliance of "Siren Song", which has to be the most gorgeous ballad released thus far in 2009. Natasha's lyrics are so raw and beautiful. This reminds me of something from Tori Amos' "Little Earthquakes" album with a bit of old school Fleetwood Mac thrown in for good measure. I hope "Siren Song" is a single but I guess it's not very commercial. Definitely download this one from iTunes.
5. Sleepyhead - Passion Pit
You know a song is quality when it puts a smile on your face even while you're bent over in pain in hospital. I stumbled across "Sleepyhead" on Rage at about 4am on a particularly bleak Saturday morning and it instantly lifted my mood. The quirky electro lullaby is a three minute dose of pure happiness. I don't know much about the group but I plan to fix that. Make sure you check out the cute video (below).
6. Your Love Found Me - Heidi Montag
Don't judge me! I don't care what anyone says, Heidi Montag is an AMAZING pop star. I've loved everything she has released and her recent EP "Wherever I Am" is no exception. I'll write more about that pop masterpiece another time but the highlight for me is the trashtastic "Your Love Found Me". This is pure cheese - think Ashlee Simpson produced by Stock Aitken Waterman - but still incredibly fabulous. I love the tragic chorus and Heidi's stunning vocals are just as... breathtaking as ever!
7. When Love Takes Over - David Guetta Ft. Kelly Rowland
Poor Kelly Rowland. She's had more flops than Beyoncé's had hits. On the bright side, Kelly can take heart in the fact that she's not Michelle Williams. But I digress. Miss Kelly's latest endeavour is seriously fabulous. French DJ David Guetta knows his way around a killer dance track and roping in a has-been from Destiny's Child turns out to be a masterstroke. "When Love Takes Over" is a hands in the air gay anthem of the highest order. Hopefully, Kelly will take note and focus on the dancefloor for her next flop album.
8. Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas
And the award for the song that I initially hated, then found annoying but catchy and ultimately fell in love with goes to "Boom Boom Pow". The Black Eyed Peas took a risk by going with this for their big comeback but it really paid off. The production is so unusual but the minimal beats and multitude of quirky hooks get stuck in your head and refuse to leave. It's also a treat to see Fergie's stunning meth face back in the media spotlight. Long live the Queen of urban pop!
9. LoveGame - Lady GaGa
I don't care if she is the biggest publicity whore in modern history, Lady GaGa is still ok by me as long as she keeps on churning out tunes as catchy and fierce as "LoveGame". Strangely, I didn't really get the track until it was released as a single. I still think there are far better tracks on the album but all that talk about disco sticks finally won me over.
10. Through With Love - Zuleyka
"Through With Love" is the best Cher track that Cher never recorded. Zuleyka is a fabulous tranny who first appeared on UK's Big Brother before deciding to launch a music career. I can't believe the hateful comments on youtube. Zuleyka has a better voice that Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke put together, not to mention better looks and more personality. "Through With Love" is simply amazing and I can't wait to hear what s/he comes up with next!
The title of this post is kind of self-explanatory! Quite a few people have been asking me for new music recommendations, so I thought I'd share some of my current favourites. I've tried to stick with songs that are available or soon to be available on iTunes but I couldn't help throwing in a couple of tacky gems. The list doesn't include acts I've recently written about, so don't forget to hunt down the latest anthems by CC Martini, Billiam, Tila Tequila, Robyn Loau and the holy mutant princess, Solange! The first pick of my list is Kylie's magnificent "The One" - a timely reminder that there is nothing wrong with Ms Minogue. This is perfect pop and the Freemasons Club Mix is 9 minutes of pure bliss. Sadly, plans for "The One" to be released as the 4th single from "X" have been scrapped - so anyone lucky enough to get their hands on the dildotastic promo should consider themselves very lucky!
Anyone in the mood for a dose atmospheric dance music need look no further than the Deadmau5 Remix of Morgan Page's "The Longest Road". This track has a sparse, organic feel that I love. The Radio Edit comes highly recommended and is available on Aus iTunes.
The next track is dedicated to Tommie, who turned me on the mind blowing delights of Norway's MiMiracle. This stunning diva will amaze you with her unique vocals and inability to keep her clothes on. I admit, the first time I heard "Show Me", I prayed for a mimiracle that the song would hurry up and end before my ears started to bleed. I take it all back. MiMiracle shows Robyn up as the boring Swedish cunt she really is. Fans of Scandipop have a new icon to worship! Check out the breathtaking video clip if you're not convinced. Masked intruders and MiMiracle's pendulous breasts make for hypnotic viewing! Unfortunately, "Show Me" is yet to hit iTunes. Boo!
Speaking of busty Norwegians, Linni Meister (probably best known for her destruction of "Survivor") has a new ditty that I've been meaning to write about for months. "Where My Limo At?" is just as classy as the title would suggest and you can download this nugget of pop gold from Aus iTunes. When is this fabulous bitch going to release an album?
Time for a change of pace. Judith Owen is best known for her sweet blend of Jazz and folk music but she occasionally mixes in the slightest touch of pop and the results are inevitably fabulous. I just fell in love with "Creatures Of Habit", it's so simple and beautiful - and Judith is seriously rocking the naughty headmistress look on the cover! Hear this amazing talent perform the song live here. "Creatures Of Habit" is available from Aus iTunes.
There's a reason why everyone's jumping on the Lady GaGa bandwagon - "Just Dance" is seriously fucking awesome. I'm very pleased to see the song steadily climbing the iTunes hot 100. "Just Dance" is one of few tracks that lives up to its hype. Possibly the year's best electro floorfiller.
The holy Queen of American pop just keeps on getting better! Seriously, Fergie can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned and her "Sex & The City" theme song is another trash classic. "Labels Or Love" displays the full extent of Fergie's amazing talent: hilarious lyrics, bad sampling and random comments about her incomparable hotness. "Labels Or Love" is currently gracing in the Australian top 20. I am proud.
I take back all the nasty things I said about The Veronicas. The twins haven't put a foot wrong with their latest album. The singles have all been amazing and "This Love" is no exception. I love their new softer, pop sound. It suits them wonderfully. Another well deserved top 10 hit for the girls.
"Fashion" is a new highwater mark for American pop music. End of. Bow down to the poptastic genius that is Heidi Montag!
I can't believe Enrique is still flogging his shiteous "Insomniac" album. "Can You Hear Me" was added as a bonus track in Europe to coincide with the song being chosen as the official theme to Euro 2008. I rather like it. This is a return to the poptastic goodness of "Hero". Check out the extremely gay Moto Blanco remixes, all available on iTunes.
Speaking of gayness, when did urban music get so fagtastic? Chris Brown's "Forever" is an example of everything that is right with R'n'B in 2008. Cheesy lyrics, synths and a dance beat. Seriously, Cher would turn up her nose at this tacky shit! I love it.
Here's something different. I haven't written much about country music on this blog but I actually am quite a fan. Admittedly 90% of the country albums in my collection were recorded by Dolly Parton but that's beside the point! I don't mind the occasional twangy guitar and The McClymonts are quickly becoming a favourite of mine. I guess you would describe them as Australia's Dixie Chicks only prettier and with a slight pop twist. "Finally Over Blue" is a great little tune. Give it a go!
I know it's a couple of months old but I'm still loving Vanessa Amorosi's Perfect. It's heart warming to see Australia's favourite lesbian back in the top 5 after spending all those years mending fences in the outback. I'm not very keen on her new album but "Perfect" sits nicely along side "Shine" and "Absolutely Everybody" as modern Australian pop classics.
Speaking of Ness Ness, her touring partner Michael Paynter has released a fairly decent song of his own. "Closer" was released months ago without making any impact at all but it's starting to make waves since being used in TV advertisement. I think Michael looks and sounds like Anthony Callea (with even gayer hair) but I still can't hate him. "Closer" is cute, catchy and uplifting in an annoying kind of way. I hope it takes off for him.
Fergie has been slumming with Japanese nobody Kumi Koda. I'm not a big fan of Kumi (she's no Ami Suzuki!) but I love "That Ain't Cool", probably because of Fergie's fabulous presence. The song was a #2 hit in Japan. I hope Fergie deletes Kumi from the song and releases it in Australia as the 107th single from "The Dutchess"!
I was critical of Jennifer Hudson's vocal performance on the "Dreamgirls" Soundtrack (basically she's not a patch on Jennifer Holliday) but her debut single "Spotlight" has been a guilty pleasure of mine for weeks. It's a relief to hear a diva actually sing instead of talk her way through a song and the understated production is really quite lovely. I hope this takes off for her, anything would be better than Jordin fucking Sparks.
Ok, this is cheating. "Say Goodbye To La La Land" is an album not a single but it's fresh to Aus iTunes and I just can't get enough of it. Sirens is one of my all time favourite girlbands and their funky new urban sound is scorching hot. My favourites include "Dreams", "Own Thing" and "Little Girl". This is definitely one of 2008's best pop albums. Very highly recommended!
I feel for Kelly Rowland. The sad bitch has spent her career standing in Beyonce's shadow, releasing whatever shit B has already turned down. She's like the poor man's Solange! Happily, 2008 has been kind to Kelly. "Work" turned out to be one of the year's best club anthems and the follow up "Daylight" isn't completely shit either. A cover of the Bobby Womack's classic, Kelly's version is a lot of fun - if you ignore the god awful rent-a-rapper. I suggest checking out the trashy Hex Hector club mix instead.
There must be some kind of a revolt going on in the Destiny's Child camp. First Kelly Rowland actually scores a hit and now Michelle Williams has gone and recorded what is hands down one of the best tracks of 2008. "We Break The Dawn" is one of those rare songs that just makes me feel happy when I hear it. I love the subject matter, the electro infused urban pop sound and Michelle's crazy dance moves in the video clip. If the curse of Beyonce doesn't strike Michelle dead in her tracks, this should be HUGE. On the Romanian club chart. "We Break The Dawn" isn't available on Aus iTunes yet but keep an eye out for it. It really is fantastic.Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Fergie Visit pop music records for Daily Updated Hairstyles Collection
Twenty five years ago Michael Jackson released his second album for Epic Records and promptly revolutionised popular music. "Thriller" spent 37 weeks at #1 in the US, spawned 7 top ten hits, earned 8 Grammy awards and sold more than 100 million copies, becoming the highest selling album of all time. In order to commemorate (ie. cash in on) the anniversary of "Thriller", Michael has re-recorded the album with the who's who of urban music including such luminaries as Akon, Kanye West, will.i.am and the holy queen of American pop - Fergie!
As a massive fan of "Thriller", news of the album's ghetto makeover didn't exactly fill me with joy. Songs of this quality don't need polluting by the likes of Cunt-ye West but if that's what it takes for Michael to revive his career, so be it. The recently leaked tracks from "Thriller 25" haven't done much to allay my fears but the album promises at least one gem - Michael's stunning duet with Fergie! The unlikely duo have collaborated on a fabulous update of "Beat It". Once you get past the dawning realisation that Fergie is now part of the "Thriller" legacy, the new "Beat It" is pretty hard to resist. Staying closer to the original than most of the revised tracks, "Beat It" boasts a slightly rocky edge and a memorable vocal from old meth head. I really hope this is a single. "Beat It" still sounds unbelievably fresh and Fergie's presence should ensure a high chart placing. Just imagine the film clip - Michael groping Fergie's lovely lady humps with his discoloured, band-aid covered hands! HOT. Expect to read a lot more about "Thriller 25" as well as an upcoming retrospective on the original album and its amazing singles.
I don't often censor myself on this blog but I have resisted mentioning my Fergie admiration out of fear of public ridicule. However, I think the time has come to out myself. Before you start sharpening your knives - hear me out. I used to be one of you poor, misguided Dutchess haters. In fact, I believe I nominated Fergie as the worst pop star of all time for an online poll and described her solo album as "repugnant filth" the first time I heard it in late 2006.
I simply wasn't ready to embrace Fergie's musical genius but that started to change in early 2007 when Alanis Morissette spoofed "My Humps". I was shocked by the blatant disrespect Alanis showed the track. It might be utter rubbish in her eyes but "My Humps" will be remembered 20 years from now - unlike anything that horse faced bitch has released this decade. As a sucker for unusual promotion, my sympathy for Fergie only grew when she revealed having conversations with a washing basket under the influence of crystal meth. With a newly formed, positive opinion of the great woman, I was finally able to listen to her music with objectivity and was amazed by the brilliance of "Glamorous" and "Big Girls Don't Cry". The time had come to give "The Dutchess" a second chance and it has been a guilty pleasure of mine all year. Uneven and often downright embarrassing, "The Dutchess" is a pop trash classic in waiting. However, that's not why I felt compelled to write this post. The more I listen to Fergie's album, the stronger my conviction becomes that Fergie is the voice of our generation. There have been many better albums released this year but none that captures the zeitgeist as eerily as "The Dutchess". Evidence is provided below:
Fergalicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness He's my witness! I put your boy on rock, rock And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got
In 200 years time when historians research the social mores of the early 21st century, I hope they stumble upon a copy of "Fergalicious" in order to fully understand the current phenomenon of shameless self-promotion. Never before in recorded history have people shared so much of themselves publicly - be it on Myspace, Facebook, Youtube or Blogger. I see "Fergalicious" as the musical equivalent of a Gaydar profile. Fergie rambles on about her self-proclaimed hotness in barely comprehensible English all the while lying through her teeth. The truth of Fergie's boasts are irrelevant, what matters is the image she puts forward - just like all those "straight acting, athletic" guys on Gaydar. Deep down we know they are probably mordibly obese, limp wristed queens but we like to think there's a hunk sitting behind the computer. We all lie but Fergie has turned baseless self-promotion into an artform!
Clumsy
A girl like me don't stay single for long
The fifth single from "The Dutchess" is pure Fergie. A completely pointless yet insanely catchy groove built around a variety of samples. You could argue that "Clumsy" represents everything that's wrong with music today. It's not a song so much as a collection of sounds thrown together with clinical precision in a recording studio. From the spoken vocal to the static beats and crazed sampling, "Clumsy" is a product of its time - and I'm ok with that.
All That I Got (The Make Up Song)
Would you love me If I didn't work out Or I didn't change my natural hair
Just when you think "The Dutchess" couldn't get any more insightful, Fergie extends her lyrical genius to cover topics like hair care and make-up. "All That I Got" plays like the soundtrack to a trashy magazine with its exploration of body image and emotional insecurity. The song itself is a charming groove that is only slightly ruined by an unnecessary guest rapper. It's nice to actually hear Fergie use her powerful pipes and the production less excessive than usual. Fergie cops a lot of criticism for the perceived superficiality of her work. I disagree, Fergie's world view is limited to looking hot, finding a man and being successful but how does that differ from the rest of Generation Y?
London Bridge
I'm such a lady but I'm dancin' like a ho
The world could really do without Fergie's ode to her engorged clit - or so I thought until I was dragged to a suburban disco by a friend's 17 year old sister. As soon as "London Bridge" hit the turntable, flocks of hotpant wearing tarts descended on the dancefloor screaming "It's my song!" before making obscene hand gestures between their legs and dancing like cheap prostitutes. The point I'm trying to make is that you probably need to be a teenager to get "London Bridge" or at least an avid pole dancer. Since that spiritual experience, my love for Fergie's stunning debut single has grown in leaps and bounds. "London Bridge" is a hot mess complete with rubbish lyrics, bad sampling and more false advertising about Fergie's irresistible hotness. A work of demented genius.
Pedestal
I've paid my dues I'm a seasoned dame So why you gotta throw salt in my game?
"Pedestal" is a direct response to the constant shit Fergie cops in the media. For whatever reason, the Dutchess is the pop diva bloggers and music journalists love to hate - criticising her music, rumoured botox addiction and weak bladder. This song is one long "fuck you" to all her haters. As she states in the revealing lyrics, Fergie has put in the hard yards. First as a child star in America and then as a member of the forgotten girlband, Wild Orchid. Unlike many of her contemporaries Fergie wasn't served her career on a silver platter and I respect that. "Pedestal" is compelling listening, if only for the legendary rhyming couplet "I work around the clock, so fill your mouth up with a sock"!
Voodoo Doll
This body's a temple of doom
"The Dutchess" really is a remarkable portrait of 21st century life. With Amy Winehouse and Britney destructing before our very eyes, Fergie's revelation of having overcome a crystal meth habit seems almost quaint in comparison. "Voodoo Doll" tackles Fergie's drug habit, making it one of the most personal tracks on the record. I'm particularly impressed with the lyrics - usually not one of Fergie's strongest points. This is as thought provoking and intelligent as any song I've heard about drug addiction. The production is also first class. The horns that come in at the end are a fantastic touch.
Glamorous
I'm no queen, I'm no machine I still go to Taco Bell Drive-through raw as hell
"Glamorous" is undoubtedly one of the year's finest pop songs. I was captivated by Fergie's gorgeous mid-tempo groove from the first listen and I still love every second of it. A radical departure in style, "Glamorous" is more traditional in structure and sound than most of "The Dutchess". Even the obligatory rent-a-rapper can't diminish the brilliance of this pop gem. "Glamorous" reflects on Fergie's life in the fast lane and documents her stunning achievements and massive success. For all the jibes about Fergie's perceived superficiality, "The Dutchess" is a very personal album.
Here I Come
Money don't change me So hate if you gotta gotta Cause I got a lot-a, lot-a
Listen to this awe-inspiringly awful pseudo cover of The Temptations' "Get Ready" at your own risk! The lack of respect shown to the original is really quite impressive. Fergie takes a much loved Motown classic, tears it inside out and comes up with a fabulously awful anthem, complete with lyrics about her humps and a dodgy rap. This is utter crap but I can't get enough of it. A guilty pleasure in the truest sense!
Velvet
Sink into me, I feel so warm
This song is clearly about Fergie's pussy. I'd rather not think about her "crumblin' walls".
Big Girls Don't Cry
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
The 4th single released from "The Dutchess" towers above everything else on the album, perhaps with the exception of "Glamorous". In my opinion "Big Girls Don't Cry" is the finest ballad of the year and the average music fan seems to agree as evidenced by the song's massive 9 week stretch at #1 in Australia. Reviews haven't been as kind, with many critics dismissing "Big Girls Don't Cry" as an empty exercise in false sentiment. A kind of "Self-Reflection For Dummies", if you will. Well, I'm not buying into that kind of cynicism. I totally identify with Fergie's mantra about growing up and finally taking responsibility and I admire the way "Big Girls Don't Cry" expertly explores the very modern phenomenon of "kidulthood" and the sense inertia that plagues Generation Y. The song also stands out as the most traditional offering on "The Dutchess". There are no samples, no guest rappers or quirky hooks. The emphasis is placed squarely on the lyrics and Fergie's hugely underrated voice. A modern classic.
Mary Jane Shoes
When I wear my Mary Jane Shoes I can escape from the blues The whole world seems a little bit brighter, brighter
When I think of reggae music, Bob Marley's famous protest songs come to mind. Fergie, on the other hand, uses the genre to extol the virtues of her favourite pair of shoes. That, my friends, is the difference between 1967 and 2007 in a nutshell. The amazing thing about "Mary Jane Shoes" isn't the questionable subject matter but the fact that the song works - incredibly well. This reggae jam would be really quite outstanding if it wasn't ruined by a completely unnecessary 30 second outro of guitar static. A missed opportunity for a very memorable single.
Losing My Ground
I woke up short of breath, but still I've got a long day ahead of me
"Losing My Ground" is a fairly forgettable album track that straddles the line between R'n'B and rock without committing to either genre. The lyrics explore the familiar theme of feeling lost and overwhelmed by life but it lacks the punch of Fergie's other reflective moments. Inoffensive but slightly boring.
Finally
Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream Cinderella theme, crazy as it seems
Fergie's collaboration with John Legend is a surprisingly sweet piano ballad. Think of this as the overwrought but strangely endearing sister of "Big Girls Don't Cry". The Dutchess puts in another fine vocal performance but the lyrics read like a badly written Hallmark card... or the random musings of a 21st century "it" girl. However, after the endless onslaught of samples and studio trickery, the pared back sound of "Finally" comes as something of a relief.
Get Your Hands Up (Bonus Track)
This song is credited to Fergie featuring The Black Eyed Peas. Surely that makes it a Black Eyed Peas track? In any case, it sure as hell sounds like one to me. If I wanted to hear will.i.am rap I'd fork out the cash for his shit solo album. No thanks.
Wake Up (Bonus Track)
The second bonus track finds Fergie in rock diva mode and the result is surprisingly convincing. "Wake Up" wouldn't sound out of place on a No Doubt album. This is a definitely a genre that Fergie needs to re-visit in the future. Worth a listen.
Maybe We Can Take A Ride (Hidden Track)
I hate these hidden tracks. It's annoying to listen to 30 seconds of dead air - particularly when you're greeted with a song as inane and pointless as "Maybe We Can Take A Ride". Fergie basically repeats the song title over an annoying saxophone line. Skip this shit.
"The Dutchess" is widely uneven dog's breakfast of an album. It dabbles in too many genres and, more often than not, is hampered by dodgy lyrics and excessive production. However, "The Dutchess" is so of its time that it almost defies criticism. If I had to pick one album to throw into a time capsule to represent the musical taste and social mores of 2007 this would be it. For better or worse.
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