Britney & Xtina: Behind The Tweets

Earlier today Christina Aguilera tweeted Britney Spears. The Maria Callas of miming replied. It was a moment that united fans around the world. A once in lifetime meeting of the minds. The long hoped for coming together of two formerly relevant pop culture icons. Like most people, I was too overwhelmed by raw emotion to properly process the exchange. At first glance Britney & Xtina: A Love Story is a heartwarming tale of mutual respect and self-promotion. But on closer inspection, a very different picture emerges.

Christina can do no wrong in my book since starring in one of the greatest movies of all time but bitch is no beginner when it comes to throwing shade. And it's hard to interpret "can't wait to see what you bring in the next video" as anything but a dig. The world's unluckiest drunk knows full well that Britney is passed out somewhere in a Xanax induced coma - only to be shaken awake by her handlers when duty calls. She can hardly stand, let alone bring anything.

Not to be outdone, her bitter rival (or the person pretending to be her on Twitter) sarcastically replies "can't wait to watch you on your new show". How dare Britney point out that Legendtina is now the Paula Abdul of generation Y? The dirrty one just died inside. As far as cuntish behaviour goes, flop fatale wins in a knockout!
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The Worst Song Of 2011

I can't believe that cunt from Westlife. Why is he still inflicting his flop solo career on Australia? Surely the mountain of unsold CDs gathering dust in Dulta's S&M dungeon is enough of a hint that nobody gives a shit? Obviously not because the douchebag is back with a new single and it is the most heinous thing to violate my ears thus far in 2011. "Just The Way You Are (Drunk At The Bar)" is every bit as tragic as the title suggests. Brian's love affair with autotune is still going strong - only this time he's thrown in an annoying banjo sample and dedicated the anthem to the charming topic of date rape. I wish I was joking. He kicks things off innocently enough by singing "I like you just the way you are, drunk as shit dancing at the bar" before uttering the creepy line "jump into the back seat of my car, cause I like it and I can't wait to get you home so I can take advantage". Lovely. Perhaps they can give away a free sample of Rohypnol with every copy? I'll need a supply in case this musical abortion takes off. Almost as unappetising as the lyrics is Brian's pathetic attempt at rapping and the fact that this is basically a cheap copy of Enrique's "Tonight (I'm Fuckin' You)". Seriously, how low can this shady Irishman go?Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Cunts
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When Two Cunts Collide

People are cruel. I had mercifully managed to avoid this repugnant piece of filth until now - largely due to the fact that it's flopping worse than "Bionic". But then a vindictive bitch tricked me into watching the video clip over the weekend and I've been trying to exorcise it from my mind ever since. Hopefully this post is a cathartic experience that allows me to put the shattered pieces of my life back together! Legislation seriously needs to be introduced banning Brian and Dulta from recording another duet. "Almost Here" was a crime against humanity and "Mistakes" is even worse. The gruesome twosome's latest adventure is a lame song about love gone wrong. They probably thought it was witty to sing about hating each other but the rest of us just thought that Brian had a rare moment of clarity. There is absolutely no point to this. Well, apart from the obvious last ditch attempt at boosting sales of McFadden's flop album. "Mistakes" is a generic piece of trash, they sound shit together and no one really gives a fuck about either of them anymore. The smug video just makes the whole experience all the more unbearable. Australia's least favourite couple spend the clip throwing things at each other before burning my retinas by making out like born again Christians at a bible bash. Is this supposed to be edgy and cool? I don't know what's worse - Brian's hair or Dulta's incredibly bad acting. Unless Cheryl Cole releases a Christmas single with Satan, I think the year's worst song and video is well and truly upon us.


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Friday Flashback - Miami Mix Madonna

There must be something wrong with me. Hating on Madonna is usually one of my favourite past times but lately I've found myself re-visiting some of the old troll's less grating moments. Like her cover of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" - or more specifically, the trashtastic Miami Mix. I don't know what it is about this camp mess but every time I hear it, I get the urge to build a time machine out of unsold copies of "Hard Candy" and travel back to 1997. You know, to an era when Madonna was still fun and didn't think twice about ruining a much loved classic of musical theatre in order to please the gays. And it worked. The Miami Mix was an Oxford Street smash and even crossed over to mainstream radio, pushing the song into the top 10 at a time when the poor man's Stacey Q couldn't buy a hit in Australia. In fact, listening to these 4 and a half glorious minutes of pure ridiculousness, I can't help but feel that Madonna's finest moments should be collated for eternity. Perhaps a compilation of her 90s trash classics? I'd throw in "Thief Of Hearts" and "Human Nature" for starters. Trust me, it would sell more than the "Immaculate Collection"!


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The Worst #1 In History?

The Irish cunt better known for sticking it to Dulta is currently sitting at #1 on the Australian Singles Chart. I thought Cheryl Cole's recent top ten hit was a sure sign that the apocalypse is nigh but this is too much. "Just Say So" has to be the worst #1 since Brian's disgusting fuck-toy topped the chart with "Not Me, Not I" back in 2003. Who exactly is buying this shit? Seriously, I demand an explanation! The song's only redeeming factor is the farcical use of autotune, which mercifully distorts McFadden's voice beyond recognition. Everything else about this abomination is unbearable. I don't know what's worse - the dumb lyrics, rubbish chorus or incredibly dated production. Kevin Rudolph was clearly taking the piss because the man knows his way around a good pop song as he proved on Matisse's genre defining anthem "Better Than Her". The worst thing about "Just Say So" is the possibility that it will encourage Dulta to release new material. Which is more than I can handle. Brian has worked with some interesting names - specifically, the amazing DNA boys - on his nauseatingly titled "Wall Of Soundz" album, so hopefully it's not a total write off. But I'm not holding my breath. If you're a complete masochistic, why not check out the shiteous video (video). It features the worst dance routine in recent memory and has single-handedly ruined The Ivy's pool bar for me. For life.


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Fuck Off, Lily Allen!

You do not understand how much it pains me to write something complementary about Lily Allen. I'd rather listen to Delta Goodrem's entire back catalogue on repeat than say anything nice about this dirty slag! The bitterness and rage that Katy Perry inspires in some gays pretty much describes how I feel about Lily. I hate her music, I hate her disingenuity and I particularly hate those saggy, cow udder breasts she flashes at every available opportunity. She just strikes me as the ultimate 'right place, right time' phenomenon. If Lily didn't have a famous father, I'm sure she'd still be dealing ecstasy in Ibiza right now (which doesn't strike me as such a bad fate, when I think about it) but then we'd never get the surprisingly fantastic "22".

Occasionally you hear a song and think that person gets me. Well, when I first heard "22" I thought Lily Allen had broken into my room and riffled through my diary. In fact, I wouldn't put it past that thieving bitch but there are no lyrics about La Toya - so I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's not the first time I've felt like this. Shelley Harland's entire album evokes a similar response from me but sharing thoughts and emotions with Lily Allen? Am I that common? The answer, it seems, is yes. If you changed the gender and played around with the ages a bit this song could have been written about me. "22" perfectly sums up the emotional whirlwind of your late 20s, of feeling like you're not on track and thinking you really should have more to show for your (almost) three decades on planet earth. Oh and there's a catchy beat, whimsical production and a rather cool video (below). I'll put the first two down to Greg Kurstin and the third down to good luck.

Lily, you may have thwarted my hateration for the moment but I'll be back!

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night
I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She's got an alright job but it's not a career
Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Cause all she wants is a boyfriend
She gets one-night stands
She's thinking how did I get here
I'm doing all that I can


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An Ode To Madonna

I was introduced to Tom Zacharias' infamous 1975 smut opus "Belinda" a couple of weeks ago and I'm still listening to it on repeat. Originally recorded in Swedish, the album was later translated into English with the sole intent of selling it in the classified sections of Hustler and Playboy - which is not particularly surprising given songs like "Nice Cocks", "Gay Club" and "The Hooker". Those gems are audio heroin for a pop trash addict but there's one track I can't seem to enjoy for the simple reason that it reminds me of Madonna. Seriously when I hear this tune the cover of "Hard Candy" immediately flashes before my eyes and images of Madonna's sinewy old biceps haunt my dreams. The lyrics are even more Madge-tastic given the recent leak of the musical turd doubling as her new single. Anyway, misery loves company, so I thought I'd share my pain by streaming:

An Ode To Madonna


Please note - you may need to press the button a couple of times before the song plays. Tom Zacharias' stunning pop/punk/porn album is now available to download from iTunes. It's highly recommended for sluts and perverts of all persuasions!Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Cunts
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Cunts Of The Week - Girls Aloud

Girls Aloud are a pack of dirty cunts. To celebrate this undeniable fact, the nasty skanks have the honour of being my third "Cunt Of The Week", after Z-share and myself! I don't want to offend the army of desperate queens who worship the cum-soaked ground the "girls" walk on, but enough is enough. Girls Aloud are rubbish and I can't hold my tongue any longer!

I'm not irked so much by the fact that the five sluts are rubbish (a glance at the rest of this Blog should make that pretty clear), rather it is their complete lack of personality, the monotony of their musical output and their deluded posing as "pop pioneers". Bitches, please! The Pussycat Dolls have more talent than the lot of you and only one of those skanks can sing! The most annoying thing is that I should love them. In theory, the idea of five unattractive, anorexic chavs who mime along to re-hashed Xenomania tunes should be incredibly appealing. I should be beside myself with delight at the stories of Nadine fucking Z-list celebrities in aeroplane toilets and Sarah telling a crowd of music industry execs that she really considers herself to be a "rock chick".

Instead, I can't look past their pathetic attempts to be taken seriously and the disdain with which they cover classic songs as a marketing exercise. Their destruction of the Pointer Sisters' "Jump" was brutal. However, that looks like a loving tribute in comparison to their hatchet job on Tiffany's 80s classic "I Think We're Alone Now". Did any of the five cum receptacles even bother listening to the original? They have turned Tiffany's adorable ode to misunderstood youth into a Euro-trash spectacle that makes Cascada's offerings seem like genius in comparison. And then, there are their fans.

Heaven help me, but I'm going to go there! Pop Justice used to be my place of spiritual worship on the net until every second post was devoted to these whores and their previously holy forums became a meeting point for effeminate 12 year old boys to carry out conversations similar to this:

Kimberley4Eva: OMG Kimberley iz tha hottest!
Nadine4Life: LOL - Soz, Nadine iz so much hotta.. hehe :)

This kind of behaviour has spread across the internet like a virus. Who are these people and can they please fuck off? When did looking like a praying mantis in a mini-skirt become such a highly prized skill?

OK, my rant is almost over. I just thought I would demonstrate that literally anyone could do a better job at covering Tiffany. Have a listen to The Smurfs sing "I Think We're Alone Now" and realise how painfully mediocre Girls Aloud really are.Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Cunts
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Natalie Bassingthwaighte Is A Whore

That ugly bitch has done it again. Just when you thought Natalie Bassingthwaighte could not possibly get any more shit, she unleashes the worst duet of the year. Yes, that badly ageing tranny from the Rogue Traders has taken it upon herself to team up with Shannon Noll to destroy the classic Kate Bush/Peter Gabriel duet "Don't Give Up".

Natalie - "If I pose like this, people might take me seriously"

Shannon - "No, you still look like a whore"

Don't get me wrong, I think Kate Bush and Peter Gabriel are pretty shit too. However, despite my personal dislike for their output, it is hard to deny that they are both artists of some degree of integrity and talent. Which is a hell of a lot more than you can say about a middle-aged woman who has worn hot pants in public so frequently that I could draw her varicose vein stained legs from memory and a man who is better known for his "clit-tickler" than music. If Shannon and Natalie had to destroy a classic, they could have at least made it original or amusing. Instead, Natalie desperately copies Kate's pitch and delivery, while Shannon drones on with enough false sincerity to make John Howard green with envy. In short, this is fucking hideous.

Kate - "Does this brown jumper make me look fat?"

Peter - "Yes"

The clincher for me is the fact that the song is being released to raise money - for depression. Listening to this shit made me want to grab the nearest razor! If you feel the need to own this musical car crash, you can order the album "Songs Of Hope & Journey" from Sanity or Chaos. The single is released next week.

Watch the vile video.


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Britney's Cunt

I would have gladly gone my whole life without seeing Britney's gash, but it seems I can't turn on my computer without her pussy glaring at me. I thought I would share the pain and post it here. I really can't believe it. Just when you thought Britney could not possibly get any more repulsive, she leaves the house wearing a mini-skirt without underpants. Who was she trying to impress? It's not like she has much to be proud of - with her flabby thighs, surgery scars and disfigured genitalia. I'm no expert on "lady bits" but I don't think Britney's pussy should be spilling over her right thigh. She either has gargantuan flaps or really is the result of generations of inbreeding.

My Plea To Britney:

Dear Britney,

Please return to the backwater from which you came. You are rich beyond your wildest dreams, despite having no discernable talent or charisma. It's time to move aside for someone new, someone who hopefully still has a shred of dignity and doesn't look like they should be flipping burgers at McDonald's. Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Cunts
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Cunt Of The Week Pt 2 - Me!

I am giving myself the second "Cunt Of The Week" honour for not realising that "moderating" comments means that you have to actually approve them. I apologise to everyone who has been kind enough to reply to my posts. I didn't mean to ignore you. Sorry!

*Puts on hat and sits in the corner*Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Cunts
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Cunt Of The Week - Z Share

Z Share wins my very first "Cunt Of The Week" award! I usually find Z Share the least painful free file-sharing service but the damn thing has turned into a bigger bitch than Alexis on Dynasty. I would be eternally grateful if someone could shed some light on the many dark mysteries of Z Share.

For starters, why do links go dead for no apparent reason? I know the links die a lonely death if there are not used in 2 weeks or contravene Z Share's terms of service but why have several links expired that were uploaded less than a week ago? Stranger still, I have uploaded several songs by the same artist on the same day and some have expired and others are alive and well. So I don't see how some have contravened the terms of service, while others are upstanding cyber citizens. What's going on, Z Share?

Please tell me if you know of a better file-sharing service. Youtube expires too quickly, Rapidshare is the spawn of Satan and Megaupload is a cumbersome nightmare. If anyone wants to hear a link that has expired, let me know and I'll re-post it.Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Cunts
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Swedish Cunt Covers Kylie

Sweden has provided the world with more than its fair share of fabulous artists. From the brilliance of ABBA to the genius of Robyn, the Swedes always seem one step ahead of the rest of the pop world. Jose Gonzalez is the obvious exception. You might recognise this useless cunt from the hideously overplayed "Heartbeats". If you were lucky enough to miss that one, Jose Gonzalez is basically the Swedish James Blunt. Yes, he's that fucking awful.

It seems that someone from Jose's record company thought it would be a good idea to cash in on Kylie's comback by releasing his vile cover of "Hand On Your Heart" in Australia this week. I have nothing kind to say about this recording at all. The original is probably my favourite song of all time, a mix of sunny melancholy and hopeful pleading that remains as great today as it was in 1989. Jose Gonzalez's approach to the song involves strumming his guitar, mumbling a couple of lines from the song and humming the rest. His interpretation reeks of smug arrogance; Jose obviously doesn't care about the song or its meaning. This is just an exercise in 'reverse cool' (when someone does something so uncool that it's positively cutting-edge) and a bad one at that.

Jose Gonzalez can go fuck himself. Here is yet another prospective member for "the dull cunts' club" currently populated by the likes of James Blunt, Dido and Delta Goodrem.Source URL: http://popmusicrecords.blogspot.com/search/label/Cunts
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